My husband won't let me do anything with the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s more likely they get electrocuted by a home appliance avoiding the public than catch covid given their ages and the rates now. People are insane and you married one.

^^^This.

[Anonymous]

Try asking him to explain what he is actually afraid is going to happen. Some people are just afraid but once they probe themselves to define it they realize the worst case is highly unlikely.

[Anonymous]

I think this is another troll post like the cape cod one that just got deleted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is another troll post like the cape cod one that just got deleted.

Nah, I remember the older post. Not everyone is trolling.

[Anonymous]

I do NOT understand why people still cannot wrap their heads around community responsibility during a viral pandemic. Viral. That means that even IF the risk of a bad outcome of a disease were lower than the risk of a bad outcome from a vaccine for an individual, the overall risk of that individual spreading the disease to others-- not to mention potentially incubating variants-- is likely still exponentially higher.

Let's say the risk of a bad outcome from a vaccine were 10%, and from the disease, only 1% (this is not remotely the case, but for example). If the average person spreads it to 50 downstream (not necessarily directly), many of whom are more vulnerable, the risk of at least one bad outcome in the community is much higher. This is why we shoot for herd immunity, or close to it-- something that leaving kids unvaccinated would definitely preclude.

It's true that this assumes the child will get COVID, which isn't guaranteed. But it's also true that the vaccine is not actually worse than the disease, so.

I'm not living in my basement, I take risks. But it's not all about each individual's risk-- my goodness! It's a virus! That spreads! Where have people been for 18+ months?

This logic-- the vaccine is worse than the disease for my individual kid-- is exactly the same logic that is bringing measles back. The vaccine is not higher risk, even for the individual AND you lose herd immunity and the calculus changes, even in terms of individual risk, when you stop vaccinating.

Um, it’s not spring of 2020 anymore. High risk adults have been vaccinated. Even the immunocompromised can access the mRNA vaccines.

Why do you think hers immunity can’t be reached without vaccinating children. Children don’t spread nearly as often as adults. Cases are declining in children even among age groups that aren’t eligible for the vaccine.

https://downloads.aap.org/AAP/PDF/AAP%20and%20CHA%20-%20Children%20and%20COVID-19%20State%20Data%20Report%206.24%20FINAL.pdf

Do you understand the difference between herd immunity and zero covid. We have chosen not to live in a locked down zero covid society. The end.

My god. No one thinks measles doesn’t affect kids seriously. One in five people who get measles are hospitalized. The MMR vaccine is required for school because the disease is severe in children.

[Anonymous]

JHC! Your 4-year-old is in daycare this whole time? But your DH is worried that baby will get it in a restaurant? So not from some 100s of people that your DS is basically exposed to every single day?
There is no rhyme or reason to this. Just random insane decisions that are based on nothing.
Take your kids to where you want, without the abusive dh. If he wants to divorce you bcs of that, so be it. DO you really want to live with a man that forbids you to take your kids to a restaurant?

[Anonymous]

Read my take on Lyme disease and show it to him. It is basically that you and your kids can get Lyme disease some 10 times per day! Ticks and everywhere, the disease is so prevalent in the DMV that this is the epidemic nobody is talking about. If kids get it and you don't catch it, it might lead them severely ill or disabled for the rest of their lives!
But, I presume he LET'S you and the kids go on walks and play in the back yard?
How can he do this knowing that every minute outside could end his kids' lives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JHC! Your 4-year-old is in daycare this whole time? But your DH is worried that baby will get it in a restaurant? So not from some 100s of people that your DS is basically exposed to every single day?
There is no rhyme or reason to this. Just random insane decisions that are based on nothing.
Take your kids to where you want, without the abusive dh. If he wants to divorce you bcs of that, so be it. DO you really want to live with a man that forbids you to take your kids to a restaurant?

No kidding. The girl has been exposed to the virus multiple times, according to OP. She may not even be vulnerable to infection.

https://www.medrxiv.org/content/10.1101/2021.06.26.21259239v1.full.pdf

If she does get infected, the overwhelming odds are that it would be mild. Your family takes on greater risk by driving to daycare. OP, your DH is being unreasonable. So many risks we take every day are far more dangerous to kids than a Sars Cov 2 infection..driving, swimming, flu.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2021/06/18/briefing/kids-covid-and-delta.amp.html

“Death is not the only outcome that parents fear, of course. Yet “long Covid” and hospitalization have also been very rare in children. It’s just that society has been so focused on Covid that we have paid intense attention to the risks associated with it — even when they are smaller than other risks that we unthinkingly accept. To take one example, we don’t use the phrase “long flu,” but it’s a real problem, including for children: One academic study has found that up to 10 percent of people who contract influenza later develop cardiac inflammation.“

Many who fear long Covid completely exaggerate its prevalence in children.

https://www.medrxiv.org/content/10.1101/2021.05.16.21257255v1

“Among seropositive and seronegative 6-to 16-year-old children and adolescents, 9% versus 10% reported at least one symptom beyond 4 weeks, and 4% versus 2% at least one symptom beyond 12 weeks. None of the seropositive children reported hospitalization after October 2020. Seropositive children, all with a history of pauci-symptomatic SARS-CoV-2 infection, did not report long COVID more frequently than seronegative children. This study suggests a very low prevalence of long COVID in a randomly selected population-based cohort of children followed over 6 months after serological testing.”

Mental and physical health both matter. More children are developing type 2 diabetes because of our pandemic response. Many have effectively lost a year+ of education. Drug overdoses have increased. Eating disorders have skyrocketed. ER visits are still below 2019 levels. Vehicle accidents have increased. Stay home and save lives will be known as the deadliest mantra of the pandemic. There is no public health emergency in children related to Sars Cov 2. Children need their normal lives back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t take unvaccinated kids to indoor restaurants or other places that aren’t necessary.

This.

There is no reason to take unvaccinated kids to an indoor pool or indoor dinner.

Just none.

I can think of one important reason: it's fun and there's no risk.

Please stop lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your 4 year old has been in daycare this whole time, then his attitude makes no sense. Nothing you are suggesting is higher risk than what he has deemed an acceptable risk this whole time.

He may consider daycare a necessary risk, whereas taking the kids to eat, shop, and swim indoors is not necessary at all.

Get grocery delivery.

Find an outdoor pool and go during the less crowded times.

Get takeout.

Better still, take them swimming wherever you want indoor/outdoor, bring them grocery shopping, and go out to eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend married to someone like your DH. We hike a lot and I asked her to hike with me in the fall, offered to wear masks even outside. He told her no. No risk is better than low risk. I don’t k is how she is married to him to be honest.

I don't understand how some women just obey their husbands like they are children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I never mentioned the grocery store...don't know how that came about. We started getting our groceries delivered and will never stop. I look back at when we had our first baby and how much resistance DH gave then to going out. So I think COVID is just an excuse for him to stay home. Maybe this is a DH problem...

I'd like to address the vaccine. The baby won't be able to get it for another 6+ months when she is two. Also, it's like a million degrees outside and we don't take well to the heat, I'd rather eat inside.

I am super liberal and have been eating inside for months. You are more likely to get food poisoning than COVID at this point. Do not listen to the COVID crazies. They have severe anxiety disorders and cannot assess risk rationally.

And just to say it again--even with a seat belt/the best carseat you can buy, your kid is MUCH more likely to die in a car accident than from COVID. Also to drown. So, stay home if you are worried about car accidents or drowning so much so that you can't leave the house. COVID is like a boogeyman for loonies at this stage in the game.

OP here - my husband will go out to eat (inside) with just me. He was pissed when I told him I took our 4 year old to eat inside one time...at 4pm with no one else there.

I'm not asking what people do. I know my limits, I guess he knows his. We are on very different spectrums. I have little fear and if my kids catch covid (which is so so so unlikely) then they will very likely be OK. My husband still has a lot of fear. He calls me an anti-masker. I still make my 4 year old wear a mask inside and I do when I'm with her. I am frustrated because I accommodated his wants before we were vaccinated and cases were super low. If not now, then when?

He sounds abusive. Abuse isn't just physical violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you and the CDC can't convince him, it's unlikely DCUM can, either.

It's odd that he's OK with daycare, but not the grocery store, though. Can he explain the disconnect?

Probably one is a necessary risk and the other is not.

He may deem one a necessary risk, but COVID doesn't care how you categorize your activities. The fact is his daughters are more like to catch COVID while at daycare than through any of the things OP mentioned. This is more about her DH's anxiety and control issues than it is about safety and risks.

[Anonymous]

Your husband has issues, and what's with maybe it's a DH issue? Your post is about a DH issue. Now you are making excuses? Typical behavior for those in abusive relationships.
As so many, this has just given him an excuse to let his anxiety and abuse fly free.
Here is what you would do if you were not in an abusive relationship: You would tell him to eff off when he got upset you took a 4-year-old to eat.
You would take both kids and do whatever you want with them and not care about him.
But you can't do that bcs he is abusive, and you are scared.
I get that it is hard to break the mold, but your 4-year-old is listening to dad telling mom what she can't do....think about what your DS will end up doing if this continues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband has issues, and what's with maybe it's a DH issue? Your post is about a DH issue. Now you are making excuses? Typical behavior for those in abusive relationships.
As so many, this has just given him an excuse to let his anxiety and abuse fly free.
Here is what you would do if you were not in an abusive relationship: You would tell him to eff off when he got upset you took a 4-year-old to eat.
You would take both kids and do whatever you want with them and not care about him.
But you can't do that bcs he is abusive, and you are scared.
I get that it is hard to break the mold, but your 4-year-old is listening to dad telling mom what she can't do....think about what your DS will end up doing if this continues?

It’s absolutely abusive but accepted in certain circles because of the myopic and overblown focus on Covid 19. Not hard to see how things like this happened:

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/02/world/taiwan-quarantine-hotel-fire.html