My husband won't let me do anything with the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't share your husband's opinion about what is safe and what isn't, but obviously lots of people on this website do and since they are stuck inside they have plenty of time to post. We are eating indoors, playing indoors and doing pretty much everything that we did before the pandemic right now.

Also with community spread so low and the risk to children being super low in general my thoughts are that the FDA won't approve the vaccines for kids younger than 12 for a long time, if ever. It just doesn't make sense to vaccinate kids, especially boys, if there is a 1 in 250,000 risk of heart issues due to the vaccines and a 1 in 5,000,000 risk of them getting COVID and then having a serious reaction to it. If the community spread were a lot lot higher, it might make sense, but right now there are just a handful of cases a day in the entire DC area.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I never mentioned the grocery store...don't know how that came about. We started getting our groceries delivered and will never stop. I look back at when we had our first baby and how much resistance DH gave then to going out. So I think COVID is just an excuse for him to stay home. Maybe this is a DH problem...

I'd like to address the vaccine. The baby won't be able to get it for another 6+ months when she is two. Also, it's like a million degrees outside and we don't take well to the heat, I'd rather eat inside.

I am super liberal and have been eating inside for months. You are more likely to get food poisoning than COVID at this point. Do not listen to the COVID crazies. They have severe anxiety disorders and cannot assess risk rationally.

And just to say it again--even with a seat belt/the best carseat you can buy, your kid is MUCH more likely to die in a car accident than from COVID. Also to drown. So, stay home if you are worried about car accidents or drowning so much so that you can't leave the house. COVID is like a boogeyman for loonies at this stage in the game.

OP here - my husband will go out to eat (inside) with just me. He was pissed when I told him I took our 4 year old to eat inside one time...at 4pm with no one else there.

I'm not asking what people do. I know my limits, I guess he knows his. We are on very different spectrums. I have little fear and if my kids catch covid (which is so so so unlikely) then they will very likely be OK. My husband still has a lot of fear. He calls me an anti-masker. I still make my 4 year old wear a mask inside and I do when I'm with her. I am frustrated because I accommodated his wants before we were vaccinated and cases were super low. If not now, then when?

I’m sorry. This sounds really hard and exhausting. It would be tough to keep this up for so long. Maybe it is an excuse for your husband to keep his introverted preferences? I guess all I can say is to start small. With a splash pad outside? Promise to sanitize and stay away from others as much as you can. Eat with the kids outside at off hours. It will cool if this weekend.

My husband was very cautious for a long time. Drove me crazy too. His mom died and he had to go out of town. I took the kids to the grocery store. He was mad. I said I had to. We were fine. I think once he saw that he opened up. Outside plays dates and ect. We are pretty much back to normal now.

And by the way - the kids thought the grocery store was amazing! They hadn’t been there in times they could
Remember. It is still a “special treat”. Sshhh. Don’t tell them.

[Anonymous]

I don't get the issue. Even if kids get Covid, nothing really happens (thank goodness). In MD, there have been 3 total deaths from Covid in the age 0-9 bracket, out of 9,524 overall deaths. There wer 26,171 kids ages 0-9 who tested covid positive.

My kids don't have any underlying conditions. We eat indoors without giving it a second though. We do wear masks when shopping indoors since it's required for non-vaccinated.

Heck, we were just at Montgomery Mall buying clothes then at a small strip mall after that and just got home. It sounds like most people on this thread think we're tempting death!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't share your husband's opinion about what is safe and what isn't, but obviously lots of people on this website do and since they are stuck inside they have plenty of time to post. We are eating indoors, playing indoors and doing pretty much everything that we did before the pandemic right now.

Also with community spread so low and the risk to children being super low in general my thoughts are that the FDA won't approve the vaccines for kids younger than 12 for a long time, if ever. It just doesn't make sense to vaccinate kids, especially boys, if there is a 1 in 250,000 risk of heart issues due to the vaccines and a 1 in 5,000,000 risk of them getting COVID and then having a serious reaction to it. If the community spread were a lot lot higher, it might make sense, but right now there are just a handful of cases a day in the entire DC area.

Exactly!

I tend to agree given that there are tons of countries where adults (who are at risk) need vaccinations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t take unvaccinated kids to indoor restaurants or other places that aren’t necessary.

This.

There is no reason to take unvaccinated kids to an indoor pool or indoor dinner.

Just none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your 4 year old has been in daycare this whole time, then his attitude makes no sense. Nothing you are suggesting is higher risk than what he has deemed an acceptable risk this whole time.

He may consider daycare a necessary risk, whereas taking the kids to eat, shop, and swim indoors is not necessary at all.

Get grocery delivery.

Find an outdoor pool and go during the less crowded times.

Get takeout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t take unvaccinated kids to indoor restaurants or other places that aren’t necessary.

This.

There is no reason to take unvaccinated kids to an indoor pool or indoor dinner.

Just none.

I can think of one important reason: it's fun and there's no risk.

[Anonymous]

Team OP, 100%!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't share your husband's opinion about what is safe and what isn't, but obviously lots of people on this website do and since they are stuck inside they have plenty of time to post. We are eating indoors, playing indoors and doing pretty much everything that we did before the pandemic right now.

Also with community spread so low and the risk to children being super low in general my thoughts are that the FDA won't approve the vaccines for kids younger than 12 for a long time, if ever. It just doesn't make sense to vaccinate kids, especially boys, if there is a 1 in 250,000 risk of heart issues due to the vaccines and a 1 in 5,000,000 risk of them getting COVID and then having a serious reaction to it. If the community spread were a lot lot higher, it might make sense, but right now there are just a handful of cases a day in the entire DC area.

Exactly!

I agree 100% with your first paragraph. As to your second, can you share what you are basing the "won't approve" prediction upon. That's not what I'm hearing. Also, why "especially boys"?

[Anonymous]

Won't let you do anything? Or won't let you do indoor things?

Those are two different things. Find outdoor activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some people got used to the hermit lifestyle during COVID and are having trouble coming back out into the world…

I socialize with other families (indoors and out), do normal stuff w/out my kids, and do mostly outdoor stuff w/kids (or with friends/family, just not random crowds). I'm really just not sure why eating in restaurants with kids is so important to society or my life. If you want to take your kids, great. But it isn't weird to reprioritize it.

Oh I agree with you and do the same sort of prioritization, but it sounded like OP’s DH wouldn’t be okay with family gatherings (with vaccinated adults) either. And there are plenty of people who are still enjoying their COVID bubble and find any excuse not to come out. Delta variant is a godsend for them

Where do you get the idea that DH wouldn't be OK with family gatherings with vaccinated adults?
So far the only thing OP specifically mentioned is an indoor restaurant and indoor pool - where you can safely assume there will be unvaccinated, unmasked adults.
Those things are really different from some extreme COVID bubble. OP wants to be totally free from COVID totally. DH (and lots of others) don't think that's responsible.

OP, generally in our family, we go with the more conservative parents on safety issues. The issues you and DH have will come up over and over and over again in your kids' lives - about when to get a phone or when to allow sleepovers or how to handle drinking or a million other things. Your kids are still young. It's time to figure out how to handle differing parenting comfort levels now, because it won't end when COVID ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't share your husband's opinion about what is safe and what isn't, but obviously lots of people on this website do and since they are stuck inside they have plenty of time to post. We are eating indoors, playing indoors and doing pretty much everything that we did before the pandemic right now.

Also with community spread so low and the risk to children being super low in general my thoughts are that the FDA won't approve the vaccines for kids younger than 12 for a long time, if ever. It just doesn't make sense to vaccinate kids, especially boys, if there is a 1 in 250,000 risk of heart issues due to the vaccines and a 1 in 5,000,000 risk of them getting COVID and then having a serious reaction to it. If the community spread were a lot lot higher, it might make sense, but right now there are just a handful of cases a day in the entire DC area.

These numbers are not accurate, but even if they were...

I do NOT understand why people still cannot wrap their heads around community responsibility during a viral pandemic. Viral. That means that even IF the risk of a bad outcome of a disease were lower than the risk of a bad outcome from a vaccine for an individual, the overall risk of that individual spreading the disease to others-- not to mention potentially incubating variants-- is likely still exponentially higher.

Let's say the risk of a bad outcome from a vaccine were 10%, and from the disease, only 1% (this is not remotely the case, but for example). If the average person spreads it to 50 downstream (not necessarily directly), many of whom are more vulnerable, the risk of at least one bad outcome in the community is much higher. This is why we shoot for herd immunity, or close to it-- something that leaving kids unvaccinated would definitely preclude.

It's true that this assumes the child will get COVID, which isn't guaranteed. But it's also true that the vaccine is not actually worse than the disease, so.

I'm not living in my basement, I take risks. But it's not all about each individual's risk-- my goodness! It's a virus! That spreads! Where have people been for 18+ months?

This logic-- the vaccine is worse than the disease for my individual kid-- is exactly the same logic that is bringing measles back. The vaccine is not higher risk, even for the individual AND you lose herd immunity and the calculus changes, even in terms of individual risk, when you stop vaccinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t take unvaccinated kids to indoor restaurants or other places that aren’t necessary.

This.

There is no reason to take unvaccinated kids to an indoor pool or indoor dinner.

Just none.

I can think of one important reason: it's fun and there's no risk.

Yeah. There are all the same reasons as there were prior to COVID. These are not weird, rare activities, they are normal things people do with their kids. And rates in this area are incredibly low, so it's very unlikely that you would be around anyone infectious.

Maybe get a call with your pediatrician who will hopefully reassure him that these are low-risk activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't share your husband's opinion about what is safe and what isn't, but obviously lots of people on this website do and since they are stuck inside they have plenty of time to post. We are eating indoors, playing indoors and doing pretty much everything that we did before the pandemic right now.

Also with community spread so low and the risk to children being super low in general my thoughts are that the FDA won't approve the vaccines for kids younger than 12 for a long time, if ever. It just doesn't make sense to vaccinate kids, especially boys, if there is a 1 in 250,000 risk of heart issues due to the vaccines and a 1 in 5,000,000 risk of them getting COVID and then having a serious reaction to it. If the community spread were a lot lot higher, it might make sense, but right now there are just a handful of cases a day in the entire DC area.

These numbers are not accurate, but even if they were...

I do NOT understand why people still cannot wrap their heads around community responsibility during a viral pandemic. Viral. That means that even IF the risk of a bad outcome of a disease were lower than the risk of a bad outcome from a vaccine for an individual, the overall risk of that individual spreading the disease to others-- not to mention potentially incubating variants-- is likely still exponentially higher.

Let's say the risk of a bad outcome from a vaccine were 10%, and from the disease, only 1% (this is not remotely the case, but for example). If the average person spreads it to 50 downstream (not necessarily directly), many of whom are more vulnerable, the risk of at least one bad outcome in the community is much higher. This is why we shoot for herd immunity, or close to it-- something that leaving kids unvaccinated would definitely preclude.

It's true that this assumes the child will get COVID, which isn't guaranteed. But it's also true that the vaccine is not actually worse than the disease, so.

I'm not living in my basement, I take risks. But it's not all about each individual's risk-- my goodness! It's a virus! That spreads! Where have people been for 18+ months?

This logic-- the vaccine is worse than the disease for my individual kid-- is exactly the same logic that is bringing measles back. The vaccine is not higher risk, even for the individual AND you lose herd immunity and the calculus changes, even in terms of individual risk, when you stop vaccinating.

Yes, preach! I posted above that I agree with OP, but everyone get your damn kids vaccinated once it's approved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Won't let you do anything? Or won't let you do indoor things?

Those are two different things. Find outdoor activities.

Yes, I'm curious what exactly he isn't comfortable with. If it's specifically indoor activities where people are unmasked I can understand that. I was comfortable taking my kids into stores for the first month or so after I was fully vaccinated, but with so few people now wearing masks anywhere I have stopped bringing them with me. They are having a fantastic summer with camps and our outdoor neighborhood pool. We have family and friends over for outdoor BBQs. Their lives are, for them, close to normal right now.

The virus's effect on kids is confusing. It's hard to tell how harmless it'll be in the long run for them and the studies aren't consistent. I'm hopeful that vaccines for younger kids will be available by sometime in the fall and assuming that happens, it feels worth it to me right now to play it safe a little longer, especially when it poses no hardship to my kids. I understand that different people feel differently right now and that also seems completely reasonable.