I don't want my kids anymore

[Anonymous]

^^ my sister

[Anonymous]

The peeing is concerning and atypical. Pediatrician, Therapy for all- both individual and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The people in this thread that think the husband is the problem based on the limited info provider are blowing my mind.

It sounds to me like the poster is having a mental health crisis and the dad is managing around this. If my husband was yelling that he hates children, and my kids were crying and upset, you can be damn sure that I would be trying to calm them down and ease their burden. I wouldn’t be focused on worrying about who cleaned up some pee in that particular moment.

Yes, maybe these parents getting on the same page would help. But claiming the dad is the big problem here given what we have been told is ridiculous.

+ a million. The dad is not the issue. OP needs to get herself some help and figure out what is going on with the kids- something is up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The peeing is concerning and atypical. Pediatrician, Therapy for all- both individual and family.

I don't know. I have 3 kids and my middle daughter definitely would push it until she peed her pants repeatedly at the age of 5-6 years old. It was a bad habit and we had some major fights over it. It wasn't a UTI or a developmental issue but I ruled those out first before disciplining her until she stopped.

OP, your struggles sound intense but mostly because you sound depressed. The kids are out of control and you aren't coping which is causing an awful cycle of suckage.

Reset. Refresh. Sit those PITAs down on the couch and explain that the new tomorrow starts today. They aren't peeing their pants anymore. They will eat what you cook or stop b*tching about it.

You ARE the parent. You've GOT THIS. And they AREN'T IN CONTROL. Their behavior is not a direct reflection of who you are/were/will be as a person.

Definitely get on a schedule for a mental health care provider for a depression screening and treatment. You need to put yourself first. Then stare those little mutants that you created into the eye and show them that while you love them, it's time for you to take the control back.

[Anonymous]

Take Dan Shapiro's Ten Miles course. It's a lot of time but I think you'd benefit from the structured discussion. Hang in there! Things can get better but it'll take work.

[Anonymous]

Please take care of yourself first, whatever that means for you. Call a therapist, take a real break, go for a run each day. Mental health is so important.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to take care of yourself FIRST, and immediately. You won't be able to implement any of the advice given above about your kids with the mental state you're in. Please note that I am not blaming you for it, depression and exhaustion can happen to anyone, and these ages are hard.

Pick up the phone to the pediatrician and just say "I'm struggling with parenting and need immediate help, where can I call or go today?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people in this thread that think the husband is the problem based on the limited info provider are blowing my mind.

It sounds to me like the poster is having a mental health crisis and the dad is managing around this. If my husband was yelling that he hates children, and my kids were crying and upset, you can be damn sure that I would be trying to calm them down and ease their burden. I wouldn’t be focused on worrying about who cleaned up some pee in that particular moment.

Yes, maybe these parents getting on the same page would help. But claiming the dad is the big problem here given what we have been told is ridiculous.

+ a million. The dad is not the issue. OP needs to get herself some help and figure out what is going on with the kids- something is up

+1000 mom is having a mental break. Dad is doing damage control.

[Anonymous]

No words just hugs and I get it. And yes I hit walls before out of anger and sadness. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I went to my doctor, discussed all the issues. She gave me some xanax to get through short-term. I'll be seeing a psychiatrist week after next to discuss depression meds.

Thank you for the advice and support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The people in this thread that think the husband is the problem based on the limited info provider are blowing my mind.

It sounds to me like the poster is having a mental health crisis and the dad is managing around this. If my husband was yelling that he hates children, and my kids were crying and upset, you can be damn sure that I would be trying to calm them down and ease their burden. I wouldn’t be focused on worrying about who cleaned up some pee in that particular moment.

Yes, maybe these parents getting on the same page would help. But claiming the dad is the big problem here given what we have been told is ridiculous.

+ a million. The dad is not the issue. OP needs to get herself some help and figure out what is going on with the kids- something is up

+1000 mom is having a mental break. Dad is doing damage control.

Exactly. If the children don’t feel safe/secure/loved of course they’re going to act out. That’s just common sense.

OP, glad you got some medication. Hopefully you continue with therapy to learn parenting/coping skills

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry op. I would try to have the kids take on more responsibility. Older kid gets herself dressed. Whatever she wears, it’s on her. If she’s miserable later because she’s too cold/hot then next time she needs to pick better. They make their own breakfast. They clean up their own pee and wash their own clothes when they pee themselves.

[Anonymous]

You are very fortunate that your children have their Father around to help you.
If you were a single parent, this situation would be much more dire.

However your husband + you have different parenting ideas.
It is imperative that he not undermine or critique your parenting, especially in front of the children.
You both need to get on the same page regarding your parenting techniques.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are very fortunate that your children have their Father around to help you.
If you were a single parent, this situation would be much more dire.

However your husband + you have different parenting ideas.
It is imperative that he not undermine or critique your parenting, especially in front of the children.
You both need to get on the same page regarding your parenting techniques.

Well, this goes both ways. Perhaps she is undermining him when she freaks out about a bedtime snack???? Good grief. Nothing in here suggests that the husband is so wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I can't handle my kids anymore.

They make messes everywhere and won't pick them up. When I throw away their messes (paper, drawings left on the floor, etc.), they cry and scream at me. I ask them to either put their dirty clothes in the hamper or in the hallway, but they stuff them under their beds or in the closet under the doll clothes.

They're in kindergarten and second grade. They refuse to use the bathroom, even when it's really obvious they need to. Second-grader keeps peeing their pants at school, kindergartner keeps peeing on the floor at home.

Every morning, they yell at me about something. Either their hair bow isn't right, I missed up a project they had left on the floor, their breakfast had too many blueberries or the toast was too toasted. Their outfit wasn't what they wanted - second-grader rejects outfit after outfit that I suggest.

I can't take the pee. I can't take the yelling at me every day. I don't want my kids anymore. I'm a terrible mom and I just want to die.

But I'll end up just picking them up at school, listening to them yell at me if I don't have the window open just the right amount, and they'll insist I take them to dinner, since nothing I cook is good enough. I was known for being a great, healthy cook for before these brats were born.

I just can't take it anymore.

You need help, OP.

If your spouse is on the same page, you need to get a job that gets you out of the house, a good therapist for yourself and one for the family, and good live-in nanny who will deal with the kids' issues and teach you how to relate better at home. The current situation is untenable, and I'm worried about both you and them.