"You Make Me Feel Like I Can't Live in my Own House"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a DH, then your expectations are controlling and abusive.
If you are a DW, then your expectations are reasonable and your DH is horrible.

Is this sarcasm? If so, I applaud you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be a screaming maniac! Man child. Sorry OP.

+1000

I feel sorry for my friends who are married to losers like this. Whether they are selfish, lazy and doing it on purpose or they are incompetent, they make terrible housemates. It’s likely in other areas of life as well - not caring or knowing about kids schedules, schools, sports, stuff to do. Just think and talk when they have a want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you react to a Spouse that constantly uses the phrase above anytime you ask them to do simple courteous things like:

- turn off the lights when they leave a room
- close the doors during the middle of summer
- hang wet towels instead of throwing them on the bed
- not leave the kitchen sink just running while they fill the dishwasher
- refill the Brita when they empty it
- empty the trash when its full instead of smashing more in until the bag breaks
- leaves used dental floss in the shower
- doesn't replace TP when emptied


And a gazillion other examples of generally being an extremely selfish housemate.

If you want to stay married you have to come to some sort of compromise/understanding. The dental floss, towels, and Brita would b the top of my list, but in the bigger scheme of things I would quite honestly consider divorce if you haven't been married very long and don't have kids. These are behavioral issues that are just ingrained and don't matter to him and you're not every going to make them matter to him. You will be living this way on some level for the entire time you are married to him. That's just the absolute truth.

This post is insane given the trivial nature of the infractions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure the list is actually much longer. Mine pees like a girl, but flushes before he pees, and the leaves his pee in there. Any guesses why?

No common sense.

A parent never told him.

He’s never cleaned the pee ring off a toilet.

He makes more money than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure the list is actually much longer. Mine pees like a girl, but flushes before he pees, and the leaves his pee in there. Any guesses why?

No common sense.

A parent never told him.

He’s never cleaned the pee ring off a toilet.

He makes more money than you.

He has no common sense, but at sometimes he does remember and tries to act like he does.
He thinks the dirty pee jumps on his privates as he pees.
Mama told him to pee sitting down because he has 3 sisters (my guess).
He does make more money, but I have more in investments and I don't have to work. (Not even married. Should've called him a domestic partner).

[Anonymous]

“Really? You make me feel like I’m parenting an extra toddler. I use the same strategies to find new creative fun ways to ask your to clean up your trash abd give you praise. It sucks.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure the list is actually much longer. Mine pees like a girl, but flushes before he pees, and the leaves his pee in there. Any guesses why?

No common sense.

A parent never told him.

He’s never cleaned the pee ring off a toilet.

He makes more money than you.

He has no common sense, but at sometimes he does remember and tries to act like he does.
He thinks the dirty pee jumps on his privates as he pees.
Mama told him to pee sitting down because he has 3 sisters (my guess).
He does make more money, but I have more in investments and I don't have to work. (Not even married. Should've called him a domestic partner).

If you are not even married, and you don't have to work, why do you even stick around?

If you love him, change out all the lightbulbs for leds and put water saving devices where you can.

If you don't love him enough to overlook about half the list AND you have enough money not to work, you could walk at any time.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the floss thing. It needs to be removed eventually, since it would clog the drain. All his life, has someone else done that for him? Same with trash.

I don't get it. DH and I have very different standards of cleanliness which drives me insane...but nothing he does is completely unsustainable like piling up trash in the shower or refusing to take out trash.

[Anonymous]

My DH is somewhat like this, though floss in the shower or rather extreme. Gross.

In regards to mess, I pick my battles. I’d be pissed about the floss and say something, but running the sink? That I would let go.

My DH contributes to the household in non-cleaning respects (does over half or the cooking, runs the majority of errands and driving the kids around etc)

The rest of the cleaning, I just deal with. TBH it is easier to do it myself than to pick a fight over it. I tried every other method imaginable and he will never change. He just doesn’t care about how the house looks. I don’t care to get a divorce over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you react to a Spouse that constantly uses the phrase above anytime you ask them to do simple courteous things like:

- turn off the lights when they leave a room —
- close the doors during the middle of summer
- hang wet towels instead of throwing them on the bed
- not leave the kitchen sink just running while they fill the dishwasher
- refill the Brita when they empty it
- empty the trash when its full instead of smashing more in until the bag breaks
- leaves used dental floss in the shower
- doesn't replace TP when emptied


And a gazillion other examples of generally being an extremely selfish housemate.

depends on how tight finances are, but this are weird to me:

turn off the lights when they leave a room —
- close the doors during the middle of summer
- not leave the kitchen sink just running while they fill the dishwasher

Things that should be adjusted:
Wet towels —> only if the beddding gets wet, otherwise who cares
TP/floss -> yep
Trash —> try setting the trash bags right next to the can and see if a visual cue helps. One stuff is fine, bag break is not
Brita—> have spouse buy one that screws on to the sink. Takes the problem away.

Huh? How could you "throw wet towels" on the bed without the bedding getting wet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would listen to my spouse and lay off the nagging.

And either live in filth or be his (because let's be clear, it is a husband) maid? LOL. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed if I was constantly reminded to turn the lights off when I leave a room. I like to have lights on when I’m in the house.

Me too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree some of this is irritating but I clicked on the link because I’ve often felt like your husband. My husband is very controlling about things like lights being on—will turn them off when I’ve left the room for a couple of minutes so I have to walk back into a dark room, or gets irritatedwhen I leave the door open for a minute while I’m finding my keys in my purse to lock the door, etc.

My advice would be to really question which of these things really interfere with your own ability to live in your house, and which you might actually be able to change, and then focus just on those but raise them in holistic way and not in a way that feels like you are constantly nitpicking.

This. Some of this you need to let go OP. You are causing your dh to feel like he can't live in his own house.

I grew up in a house like this and felt like I was being controlled nonstop- I am female and my dad was the controlling one. Even as an adult he would go around turning every light off until the time I ran into a wall in the dark face first while I was visiting. Whoops, maybe going behind people and turning off lol the freaking lights in the dark is not a good idea. And now I am fine with leaving every light on in my house as long as either of us want to.

We have led bulbs now people, loosen up.

Pick a couple things: like floss or trash being thrown down and not picked up and ask that those be picked up. Let go of everything else: use led bulbs and put water savers on all the facets he uses. Done.

100%

This can cross a line into insanely controlling behavior. My in laws are like this. We were visiting them and I was on a video conference for work and FIL walked into the room and turned off the light! I had been presenting and suddenly the lights shut off. It was completely bizarre. His need to control the lights trumped any kind of consideration for his house guest and my work call.

My MIL would walk behind me a few steps and snatch up a glass that wasn't empty that I was still drinking.

Obviously we don't visit them anymore.

[Anonymous]

Blaming your wife for you being a careless, thoughtless pig. Nice one.

Enjoy ur $hitty marriage with someone like that.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Interesting respones. My wife is the one that does all these inconsiderate and filthy habits.