"You Make Me Feel Like I Can't Live in my Own House"

[Anonymous]

How would you react to a Spouse that constantly uses the phrase above anytime you ask them to do simple courteous things like:

- turn off the lights when they leave a room
- close the doors during the middle of summer
- hang wet towels instead of throwing them on the bed
- not leave the kitchen sink just running while they fill the dishwasher
- refill the Brita when they empty it
- empty the trash when its full instead of smashing more in until the bag breaks
- leaves used dental floss in the shower
- doesn't replace TP when emptied


And a gazillion other examples of generally being an extremely selfish housemate.

[Anonymous]

I would be a screaming maniac! Man child. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

"Well, you make me feel like your mother, and I don't want to have sex with my son."

That said, I think some of the things in your list above are not worth nagging about, and perhaps you could benefit from an anti-anxiety medication.

[Anonymous]

If you are a DH, then your expectations are controlling and abusive.
If you are a DW, then your expectations are reasonable and your DH is horrible.

[Anonymous]

1. Did you live with him before marriage? Don’t most people live together before marriage? Did you see this behavior then?

2. He is not going to change. Ever. Either you find a way to live with him the way he is or leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a DH, then your expectations are controlling and abusive.
If you are a DW, then your expectations are reasonable and your DH is horrible.

So true.

[Anonymous]

Do you like your DH aside from his annoying habits, OP? Does he contribute in other ways, financially or in being a good parent? If yes, I’d get more outside help around the house and use a different bathroom from him if that’s an option. That way several of these annoying things won’t be on your radar.

[Anonymous]

My DH is like this. I give up. I just take care of the kids and anything else required (cleaning, laundry, helping with homework, maintaining friendships and family relationships; taking trash cans to and from the curb) and spend as much time away from him as possible. I have no time up cook in addition to working a full time job so most meals are delivery and take-out. He has a full time job but due to work from home with Covid is able to skate by doing next to nothing daily. I think it’s a combination of depression and alcoholism. I keep it together most days but cry in my car when alone. It’s exhausting and embarrassing so I don’t confide in my friends. I have lost all respect for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you react to a Spouse that constantly uses the phrase above anytime you ask them to do simple courteous things like:

- turn off the lights when they leave a room —
- close the doors during the middle of summer
- hang wet towels instead of throwing them on the bed
- not leave the kitchen sink just running while they fill the dishwasher
- refill the Brita when they empty it
- empty the trash when its full instead of smashing more in until the bag breaks
- leaves used dental floss in the shower
- doesn't replace TP when emptied


And a gazillion other examples of generally being an extremely selfish housemate.

depends on how tight finances are, but this are weird to me:

turn off the lights when they leave a room —
- close the doors during the middle of summer
- not leave the kitchen sink just running while they fill the dishwasher

Things that should be adjusted:
Wet towels —> only if the beddding gets wet, otherwise who cares
TP/floss -> yep
Trash —> try setting the trash bags right next to the can and see if a visual cue helps. One stuff is fine, bag break is not
Brita—> have spouse buy one that screws on to the sink. Takes the problem away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is like this. I give up. I just take care of the kids and anything else required (cleaning, laundry, helping with homework, maintaining friendships and family relationships; taking trash cans to and from the curb) and spend as much time away from him as possible. I have no time up cook in addition to working a full time job so most meals are delivery and take-out. He has a full time job but due to work from home with Covid is able to skate by doing next to nothing daily. I think it’s a combination of depression and alcoholism. I keep it together most days but cry in my car when alone. It’s exhausting and embarrassing so I don’t confide in my friends. I have lost all respect for him.

Pp I wish you would confide in a friend. You should not hide your problems and you would be surprised- maybe they will commiserate or have helpful advice!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like adhd. In any event, saying that would be a no go. Divorce immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How would you react to a Spouse that constantly uses the phrase above anytime you ask them to do simple courteous things like:

- turn off the lights when they leave a room —
- close the doors during the middle of summer
- hang wet towels instead of throwing them on the bed
- not leave the kitchen sink just running while they fill the dishwasher
- refill the Brita when they empty it
- empty the trash when its full instead of smashing more in until the bag breaks
- leaves used dental floss in the shower
- doesn't replace TP when emptied


And a gazillion other examples of generally being an extremely selfish housemate.

depends on how tight finances are, but this are weird to me:

turn off the lights when they leave a room —
- close the doors during the middle of summer
- not leave the kitchen sink just running while they fill the dishwasher

Things that should be adjusted:
Wet towels —> only if the beddding gets wet, otherwise who cares
TP/floss -> yep
Trash —> try setting the trash bags right next to the can and see if a visual cue helps. One stuff is fine, bag break is not
Brita—> have spouse buy one that screws on to the sink. Takes the problem away.

Agree with this. This was a mishmash of stuff OP should have let go of long ago and actual rudeness.

[Anonymous]

Some people just don’t value cleanliness because of the way they were raised etc and some people really do. If that’s the only issue I would just hire a housekeeper and keep it moving because I doubt they will change if they made it to adulthood and they’re still not clean.

[Anonymous]

I agree some of this is irritating but I clicked on the link because I’ve often felt like your husband. My husband is very controlling about things like lights being on—will turn them off when I’ve left the room for a couple of minutes so I have to walk back into a dark room, or gets irritatedwhen I leave the door open for a minute while I’m finding my keys in my purse to lock the door, etc.

My advice would be to really question which of these things really interfere with your own ability to live in your house, and which you might actually be able to change, and then focus just on those but raise them in holistic way and not in a way that feels like you are constantly nitpicking.

[Anonymous]

Some of that stuff you can let go, OP. Like running the water while loading the dishwasher. Pick your battles.