Wife Going Overboard Trying To Get Pregnant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say you’re supportive, but you’re complaining about everything she does.

Take a genuine interest in what she’s doing and learning. Telling her it’s not going to help....isn’t helpful. If she says she heard XYZ supplement helps, pick it up for her on the way home.

If you want sex to be playful, then it’s on you to be playful with her. Talk about how excited you are to have a family, how beautiful she’ll look when she’s pregnant, what a good mom she’ll be.

You’re going to be in for a loooooong 18+ years if all you do is complain your wife isn’t doing things the way you want her to. Create the marriage you want.

I don’t get that he is complaining at all. It sounds like he is trying to understand her and be there for her.

[Anonymous]

Which poistions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is normal to take up to a year for a woman under 35 to get pregnant. If it takes longer than six cycles she should talk to her doctor. Otherwise don’t sweat it. Easier said than done. Oh, and you should get a fertility work up first if she’s that nervous. You’ll need to it anyway if it makes much longer. And don’t be a baby about it. It’s not nearly as invasive for you as for her.

OP here. A year? Wow. No wonder some women become so crazy. We both had work up done and she went through various tests and it showed no issues. She still worries because she had friends who suffered from miscarriages or unexplained infertility even though everything checked out.

PP again- oh, you both did the respective testing?

She needs to chill. Stress can make it tough to conceive. Stay away from people who had or have fertility issues for awhile. Pandemic is such a great excuse for this.

I don't know your age, but yes, it can take up to a year. Trying to control everything = stress = conception takes longer.

My first pregnancy I was in my late 20s and it took 6 months. I was convinced I had fertility issues because I had a medical condition when I was younger where infertility was a risk factor. Then in my early 30s I got pregnant on the first try. I was not stressed at all. It's anecdotal but supports the odds....

[Anonymous]

None of that stuff she is reading online does anything to help her get pregnant.

Stop reading internet stuff. Stop stop stop. No one on the internet knows her body or yours and they just want to sell you stuff. Anxiety is a great sales tactic.

Lovingly shut down the anxiety producing stuff now. Take the computer away if you have to. Shut down the internet for the weekend and just chill.

You have the rest of your lives once this baby is conceived to freak out. There is no shortage of things to freak out about in parenthood.

I wish you both the best!

[Anonymous]

fwiw I was shamefully lax with bc (on and off) for 15 years although level of sexual activity varied a lot. Did not get pregnant until age 34 (and got pregnant 2x after that within 3 years although one was a miscarriage).

I looked it up and under 35 in good health it will take an average of a year to conceive.

[Anonymous]

Get a turkey baster. Done.

[Anonymous]

She wants to have sex. Stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not forcing you to eat octopus every day is she? If not, let it go. You're not the one taking supplements or throwing out expensive makeup or stressing over whatever they're eating.

OP here. No but that’s isn’t the point. I want her to feel like she is supported. I don’t want her to feel like she is alone. I want to be as supportive as possible because I know it’s very tough on her.

Just go with it and have sex on the schedule. Do whatever she needs to get through this part. It’s really hard emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anything to help get her stress level down would be helpful. Massage, acupuncture, that sort of thing. It’s less about conceiving and more about being receptive. The more it ease she has the better she’s going to manage the ups and downs of trying. (Speaking from experience)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is she actually doing. What did she cut out?

OP here. She read a book called “ It Starts With The Egg” and has been following advice in there.she had cut out all things like caffeine, alcohol, sugar, etc. She drinks caffeine maybe once a week ( green tea) and has 1-2 glasses of wine 1-2x a month. We are not big drinkers. I will have a beer or a glass of wine once a week.

She switched out all of our skincare - shampoo, body wash, lotions, etc., She switched out all of her makeup. She switched out the laundry detergent, hand soap, dish soap, house cleaners, no plastic wrap, etc. We started doing things like super nutrient dense smoothies and juicing for “ extra nutrients”. She also said using the microwave isn’t healthy.

I’m still supportive. I just wasn’t expecting expecting this. I can see if it’s been 1+ year of trying, but it’s only been two months. It’s not that long.

Surprise! Some of those things can actually be an issue for fertility. That doesn’t mean that it is but if it makes her feel better to eliminate those things from your life, what’s the issue? Think of it as pre-nesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which poistions?

OP here. Why do you need to know that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is she actually doing. What did she cut out?

OP here. She read a book called “ It Starts With The Egg” and has been following advice in there.she had cut out all things like caffeine, alcohol, sugar, etc. She drinks caffeine maybe once a week ( green tea) and has 1-2 glasses of wine 1-2x a month. We are not big drinkers. I will have a beer or a glass of wine once a week.

She switched out all of our skincare - shampoo, body wash, lotions, etc., She switched out all of her makeup. She switched out the laundry detergent, hand soap, dish soap, house cleaners, no plastic wrap, etc. We started doing things like super nutrient dense smoothies and juicing for “ extra nutrients”. She also said using the microwave isn’t healthy.

I’m still supportive. I just wasn’t expecting expecting this. I can see if it’s been 1+ year of trying, but it’s only been two months. It’s not that long.

Surprise! Some of those things can actually be an issue for fertility. That doesn’t mean that it is but if it makes her feel better to eliminate those things from your life, what’s the issue? Think of it as pre-nesting.

OP here. I know it can and I don’t mind doing it all. I said that I didn’t mind it. I don’t like the mechanical sex, rigid schedules, and the fact that I feel there is no fun in it. I want her and I both to look back on it and remember it as a fun and happy time conceiving our first child. Not a stressed out situation. I also know the stress is not good for her. I want to be supportive and encouraging, while still keeping some level of sanity in the process.

[Anonymous]

She needs to relax her idea of having two kids by 35. It may happen, but it may not. She needs to be okay with it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I do appreciated the advice from you guys. It’s just hard to really not be able to do anything to help ease everything for her. Two of her closest friends are pregnant and I think she feels left out. One got pregnant on the first try, and the other in the second month. I think she is comparing. It doesn’t help that some of our other friends who have kids had miscarriages or secondary infertility, so I think her mind is going to the worst.

[Anonymous]

OP, does her family have a strong history of superfertility? My family gets pregnant at the drop of a hat...and so when my sibling didn’t get pregnant right away, she freaked out a bit like this. It might explain it a little?

And not to be a Debbie Downer, but superfertility doesn’t guarantee a good outcome. I got pregnant immediately each time, but my oldest child passed away at birth from a genetic defect. Apparently my super-fertile womb would accept anything, even embryos not compatible with life. The end goal is not immediate pregnancy but a healthy baby in the end. At least being careful isn’t going to hurt that goal.