Want to work but uncomfortable with nanny or daycare
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Anonymous
You Will never keep a nanny with this attitude and no daycare will ever satisfy you so just stay home and don't drive innocent people crazy. |
Anonymous
Op here. Yes, I actually do think I am the Mary poppins type right now while I am on leave. We do a bunch of activities everyday- 20 min pool time every morning, lots of floor time, face to face chats, house tours, walks. I do leave the baby in a baby holder when I eat but aside from maybe 20 mins a day twice, baby isn’t just sitting a bjorn. I also incorporate quiet time for baby to process everything but do this on the floor so baby can work on movement etc. I read a lot about baby development and incorporate that in what we do. I just don’t know if a nanny would ever be this invested. I get that benign neglect is good for kids and I’m not in baby’s face 24/7, but I’ve seen too many nannies on their phones in parks while their charges just sit there for 30 minutes in the stroller. |
Anonymous
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I sort of felt this way but it was because of PPA. I was scared LO would find something on the ground and choke at daycare, or a nanny would not pay attention and LO would wander off at the park . . . I really was not well. We ended up going the daycare route because I was more comfortable with more than just one person around (not saying this is rational, again, this was all driven by anxiety).
LO is two now and she's always seemed very happy at daycare. When she started talking, she was able to verbalize how much she likes it. Like, every morning she asks if it's a school day and claps when I say yes (let's not discuss my bruised ego on the weekends). We sometimes go to playgrounds with kids from her class and they scream each others names and run to each other when one arrives. It's incredibly heartwarming to see how much she enjoys this other world of hers. I say this just to note that it can be an affirmatively good thing for kids, at least in my experience. I had this attitude that it was a necessity that I could tolerate when we started but now I actually feel guilty for pulling her out for so long during quarantine. |
Anonymous
I can relate to your situation. Dropping my oldest off at day care was so hard for me for the same reasons you mentioned. But she ended up loving schools. The social aspect was invaluable and they actually have a great academic curriculum. She learned things earlier than I would have thought to teach her. My second was too busy to be in a small environment. She needs the social scene that preschool provides to teach her those critical social skills. I'd recommend giving it a go and seeing how it works. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. |
Anonymous
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OP, do you want to work, or do you need to work? Also, does your baby spend good stretches of time alone with your spouse? This is something I would recommend if it's not already happening.
We did a nanny-share at this age with our oldest and it was the best of both worlds. That said, I accepted that there would invariably be times the nanny might not pay attention to my child or do things exactly the way I would have wanted. I think this is part of being a working parent--you cannot micromanage your child's caregivers and you need to be able to let go a bit, otherwise you will drive yourself (and said caregivers) crazy. We vetted nanny applicants as carefully as we could, in particular checking lots of references. We have had a few nanny applicants fake references over the years which was unnerving to discover. I do think daycare may be a better fit for you because there is more oversight and multiple adults present at a time. While we appreciated the nanny route when our kids were very young--and were grateful to be able to afford it, paying our nannies well and offering good benefits--it's not for everyone. |
Anonymous
If this is the case, and it is important for you for your child to have this kind of interaction, you really need to try to be a stay at home parent. Your child will never get this kind of one on one interaction with an adult at any daycare or with any nanny I’ve ever seen. |
Anonymous
My view on this is that nannies are employees and all workers deserve breaks (and perform better with less stress). Maybe that phone scrolling was the nanny's moment to decompress. Yes, there are naps, but some kids don't nap well. I think most of us would be unhappy or stressed if we were expected to be "on" 100% for our entire workday with no break. |
Anonymous
+1 I work, we have a nanny, she is absolutely wonderful and we adore her and feel so good about the care our child gets. I'm sure sometimes our nanny takes a phone break while the kids enjoy the fresh air at the park. Sounds totally reasonable. If you think what you're doing is important, to that degree, you do have to do it yourself. You can't hire a nanny who is never going to take 30 minutes to herself at the park while your kid is in the stroller, that's an unreasonable standard. One other thing to think about though - are you planning on additional children? Because if you are, it's not going to be logistically possible for kid #2 to get this level of attention while you're juggling both of them. Now maybe you're planning on an only, or maybe you're purposefully waiting until your kid is in full day school to have a second so you can do this all again for #2. But most of the time - standards go way, way down with number two on stuff like this. Sometimes younger babies have to sit in their strollers at the park while you wrangle their sibling. Which I think is fine, though you may not. And if that's the case, there's an advantage to adjusting your standards now so you can go back to work (since you say in your header that's what you want to do). |
Anonymous
Meh. I disagree. We had two PT former au pairs with my first when she was a baby, and I WAH so I could see the kind of interaction they were doing. Floor time, chats, walks, singing, music, dancing -- one was creative and used to bring all kinds of games, the other was wonderful at putting DC to sleep and would buy all kinds of little toys and outfits as if DC was her own child. Later we moved and had another former au pair who had majored in physical education and worked for a family who really wanted their child to be athletic. We didn't have that goal in mind (and no athletic talent here), but she was great at coming up with all kinds of gross motor activities and taking DC to different parks, on hikes, natural activities. I think if you get the right person your child will be stimulated and have fun. People with Early Childhood Education training generally are great. |
Anonymous
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My older DD starter daycare at 5.5 months. I planned to try it that first day for just a few hours while I said hi to some colleagues and cleared my in-box. I went to pick her up and saw how happy she was (through the window) and went back to work for an hour! At that really young age there was so much to see and do! I did a lot of classes and fun things with her before that, but don’t think I had OP’s energy.
Op - have you toured any daycares? That may help you get a better sense whether or not that’s a route you can consider. Also, many have very long waitlists so if you found one you liked you might want to start that process. |
Anonymous
I don’t need to work based on spouse’s income (high 6fig) but want to, not because I really love working but because of everything I hear about needing to stay independent. |
Anonymous
The 20 minute pool time is for you and not the bab and that's okay. |
Anonymous
I was a nanny for a period of time in my life and I did all that. The rare times I was on my phone at the park I was responding to the parents of my charges. It seems you want to stay home with your child there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. You don't need to justify it or bash nannies and daycare to bolster your desire. Stay home with your kid. |
Anonymous
I assume you have a degree and a significant amount of career experience, you are not the same as an 18-year-old with no experience marrying her first boyfriend becoming a SAHM and completely dependent on him. You have a skill set to fall back on. Keep up with the changes in your field, you don't have to work to do this but it's a good thing to do so if you decided to go back to work once the baby is in school you can speak knowledgeably and currently. You may also enjoy working part time or using your skill set in another way. I know some women who no loner do the 8 to 6 shift, but teach an online class periodically. |
Anonymous
A family member or family friend is far less likely to be a nanny poplins type and far more likely to just bring your kid along on their life - running errands, watching tv, cooking dinner, cleaning the house- while your child just sits and watches nearby or plays. With a nanny or daycare, there is the expectation that it’s a job and the child is the focus of the job and not just a sidekick for them to lug around. |