Think Twice Before Sending Your Kid To An Elite School

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Did he go to a top high school and walk in with the skill set necessary to be competitive? It is very hard to compete with kids who have had the first two years of college in high school and are used to the teaching methods (had teachers from the T5 teach the same class in high school). If you do not have those skills you will get bad grades and not catch up for several years.

You literally never catch up. Biggest bunch of b.s. there is that kids from crummy backgrounds or dull diversity admits catch up to hyper aggressive and cutthroat gunners from top k-12s. Yeah yeah I'm sure you know that 1 kid out of 1,000 who bootstrapped to medical school...an outlier or a diversity admit who got into medial school with far lower stats than his or her peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Assuming your narrative is true, you should give your child a lot more space. He clearly understands that you are disappointed in him, wish he was a STEM major, and hoped he would make millions at a tech, finance, or consulting company. However, he’s not interested in that outcome. OP, what would you do if you knew that your ideas, hopes, and ambitions were deemed worthless by your parents? For many kids, they quit sharing. Who needs constant negativity? And, he likely doesn’t have all the answers for his ultimate direction, which makes it difficult for him to cogently argue his case. He may be failing at labs and RA roles not only because he hates it, but also because he wants to convince you that it’s not worth trying to push him into a STEM major. Just pay the bills, relate to him as a human being, quit asking him about his plans, and chill out. Your son is not a high-tech stock: quit trying to calculate the near-term ROI!!!!

You know, if I were a Big 3 parent who had a trust fund for my DS, this would be okay. But he's on his own after graduation, and we want to make sure that his first job isn't making $30k a year at some nonprofit barely scrapping by without any room for moving up. Which, I might add, is how the majority of Ivy grads in his situation end up. He could've done that for free from our state school.

Why not? Those jobs have value, both in themselves and as a learning experience for him. $30k is very minimal. He will figure that out much faster if he experiences it. And he's graduated, so it's time for you to let him rise or fail on his own merit and his own decisionmaking.

My friend went to Wharton undergrad - very prestigious. Came out and went to one of those $30k nonprofit jobs. 15 years on she's marketing director at a large, well-known nonprofit that serves children. She'll probably never make more than $90k if she's lucky, but she is passionate about her job, and she is able to live in a low cost of living area where the money goes farther than it does here. She's happy.

But she can just marry rich. DS doesn't have that option.

Non-profits are a racket. If you spend your career at a non-profit you either become a highly-paid exec -- who does nothing all day -- or you launch your own non-profit racket to get grants from the bigger non-profits where your friends all work. It's all a scam. Look up what the Ford Foundation and Kellogg Foundation CEOs make -- it's like a million bucks a year, figure perhaps a dozen other execs at each making $300k+.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you may need to cut your kid off financially I don't mean tuition I mean extras. Make him get a job while at college to support himself. Give him a taste of the reality you've been talking about but which he isn't quite grasping.

I am sorry you're going through this but I do think the only thing you can do is start taking stuff away.

[Anonymous]

OP is making this stuff up and has done this before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you may need to cut your kid off financially I don't mean tuition I mean extras. Make him get a job while at college to support himself. Give him a taste of the reality you've been talking about but which he isn't quite grasping.

I am sorry you're going through this but I do think the only thing you can do is start taking stuff away.

I don't give him money for extras at all. I only pay for tuition and room and board. He's still not getting it

[Anonymous]

Tell him to shape up or you stop paying tuition next year. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you may need to cut your kid off financially I don't mean tuition I mean extras. Make him get a job while at college to support himself. Give him a taste of the reality you've been talking about but which he isn't quite grasping.

I am sorry you're going through this but I do think the only thing you can do is start taking stuff away.

I don't give him money for extras at all. I only pay for tuition and room and board. He's still not getting it

So stop paying for his phone / his clothes / travel costs. Where else is he getting money?

[Anonymous]

This seems like a very unhealthy family dynamic (if it’s real)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this person is a troll. they say their kid didn't go to high school here but toss around "big 3." don't take the bait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you may need to cut your kid off financially I don't mean tuition I mean extras. Make him get a job while at college to support himself. Give him a taste of the reality you've been talking about but which he isn't quite grasping.

I am sorry you're going through this but I do think the only thing you can do is start taking stuff away.

I don't give him money for extras at all. I only pay for tuition and room and board. He's still not getting it

So stop paying for his phone / his clothes / travel costs. Where else is he getting money?

I don't pay for his phone or clothes. He has savings from his job last summer.

Still getting rejected everywhere. Just wondering where we went wrong. We probably should've let him fail earlier in grade school. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Maybe there is some gene that makes people in DC's family waste too much time trolling on the internet. Sad.

[Anonymous]

OP if you're not a troll, just let your son be. Keep supporting him, let him make his own choices, make sure he has mental health support if he needs it (motivation is affected by anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc.), offer tutoring. Let him get whatever grades he gets. With a degree from a good school, the grades may not matter unless he wants to go to grad school. Just make sure he understands the trade offs and leave him be and love him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if you're not a troll, just let your son be. Keep supporting him, let him make his own choices, make sure he has mental health support if he needs it (motivation is affected by anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc.), offer tutoring. Let him get whatever grades he gets. With a degree from a good school, the grades may not matter unless he wants to go to grad school. Just make sure he understands the trade offs and leave him be and love him.

NP. The idea that your college GPA doesn't matter is absurd. Most employers have a GPA cutoff. Even if you're at Harvard.

[Anonymous]

PP did not say that so bloviate elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This poster is a troll. Her earlier post about how disappointed she was in her son was deleted by Jeff.

+1

+2-- sounds like someone on a waiting list trying to wrangle a non-existant spot.