Think Twice Before Sending Your Kid To An Elite School

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This poster is a troll. Her earlier post about how disappointed she was in her son was deleted by Jeff.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah, welcome back, Disappointed. Your son is probably depressed because his parent keeps asking for answers instead of helping him expand his horizons. I had such a parent. I was expected to be shut-in, work all the time, but also know exactly what I wanted to do in great detail, and get all kinds of opportunities without networking or talking to anyone.

If you are determined to hinder and not help this young man of yours, why don't you connect him with someone who can, a relative or friend. Someone who can ask what academic topics he prefers, what skills he's honed, and talk to him about all kinds of careers pertaining to those.

+1000 Your child needs guidance from someone who is not you. I'm sorry that you gave up your home for your child's Ivy education. Was this his dream or yours? Would he benefit from some time off? (as a gift, not a punishment!!!)

Please find a good friend or, even better, a professional career counselor.

You also might need a family therapist at this point.


All of our family friends and relatives work in STEM, which unfortunately our son has no interest in. We don't have the connections to facilitate a job or an internship with his humanities degree, and he doesn't seem to understand that. Since he doesn't have connections, DH and I keep telling him he MUST be aggressive in finding opportunities for himself but for some reason he doesn't want to do that.
Honestly, I think your son just has too much pressure on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah, welcome back, Disappointed. Your son is probably depressed because his parent keeps asking for answers instead of helping him expand his horizons. I had such a parent. I was expected to be shut-in, work all the time, but also know exactly what I wanted to do in great detail, and get all kinds of opportunities without networking or talking to anyone.

If you are determined to hinder and not help this young man of yours, why don't you connect him with someone who can, a relative or friend. Someone who can ask what academic topics he prefers, what skills he's honed, and talk to him about all kinds of careers pertaining to those.

+1000 Your child needs guidance from someone who is not you. I'm sorry that you gave up your home for your child's Ivy education. Was this his dream or yours? Would he benefit from some time off? (as a gift, not a punishment!!!)

Please find a good friend or, even better, a professional career counselor.

You also might need a family therapist at this point.

Honestly, I think your son just has too much pressure on him.

All of our family friends and relatives work in STEM, which unfortunately our son has no interest in. We don't have the connections to facilitate a job or an internship with his humanities degree, and he doesn't seem to understand that. Since he doesn't have connections, DH and I keep telling him he MUST be aggressive in finding opportunities for himself but for some reason he doesn't want to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he's feeling burned out? These kids are under intense pressure to get into top schools from the time they are kindergarten. Every year it's push push push harder. No time to enjoy just being a kid. ALso no time to explore what you want to do in life because everything must be geared toward college applications. Maybe he just wants to be young and enjoy life for now, now that he's got the golden ring you wanted him to have?

It's not a golden ring we wanted him to have. He wanted it for himself. HE was the one who wanted to go to a T5 school, and frankly, we would be much happier not having to make massive financial sacrifices and move to the middle of nowhere away from all of our friends and family. But HE was the one who wanted to go to an elite school, and we were so, so mistaken in thinking it would pay off. It is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it.

Sorry, OP, I don't think most people on here (or anywhere!) would have suggested this level of sacrifice to pay for a particular school. If nothing else, it's clearly not good for your relationship with him! I know you want to blame the elite school, but I'm not sure that's the problem here.

It would be fine for our relationship if he's working hard with any sense of direction. But he is not. Actually, we expect him to work hard with a sense of purpose regardless of which school he's at (even if he was at our flagship on a full ride). But unfortunately that isn't the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it.

Sorry, OP, I don't think most people on here (or anywhere!) would have suggested this level of sacrifice to pay for a particular school. If nothing else, it's clearly not good for your relationship with him! I know you want to blame the elite school, but I'm not sure that's the problem here.

It would be fine for our relationship if he's working hard with any sense of direction. But he is not. Actually, we expect him to work hard with a sense of purpose regardless of which school he's at (even if he was at our flagship on a full ride). But unfortunately that isn't the case.

Honestly, it sounds like your kid will be fine. I graduated from a top school with a similar major and lower GPA than your kid and have excelled in the work world (with top compensation). Made six figures right out of college. I had no clear direction in college either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it.

Sorry, OP, I don't think most people on here (or anywhere!) would have suggested this level of sacrifice to pay for a particular school. If nothing else, it's clearly not good for your relationship with him! I know you want to blame the elite school, but I'm not sure that's the problem here.

It would be fine for our relationship if he's working hard with any sense of direction. But he is not. Actually, we expect him to work hard with a sense of purpose regardless of which school he's at (even if he was at our flagship on a full ride). But unfortunately that isn't the case.

Honestly, it sounds like your kid will be fine. I graduated from a top school with a similar major and lower GPA than your kid and have excelled in the work world (with top compensation). Made six figures right out of college. I had no clear direction in college either.

Very curious -- what was your first job out of college? Finance? Consulting? Tech? He's not competitive for any of those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it.

Sorry, OP, I don't think most people on here (or anywhere!) would have suggested this level of sacrifice to pay for a particular school. If nothing else, it's clearly not good for your relationship with him! I know you want to blame the elite school, but I'm not sure that's the problem here.

It would be fine for our relationship if he's working hard with any sense of direction. But he is not. Actually, we expect him to work hard with a sense of purpose regardless of which school he's at (even if he was at our flagship on a full ride). But unfortunately that isn't the case.

Honestly, it sounds like your kid will be fine. I graduated from a top school with a similar major and lower GPA than your kid and have excelled in the work world (with top compensation). Made six figures right out of college. I had no clear direction in college either.

Very curious -- what was your first job out of college? Finance? Consulting? Tech? He's not competitive for any of those.

Tech/VC. It sounds like your kid is competitive for this— you don’t need a specific major or background to get hired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it.

Sorry, OP, I don't think most people on here (or anywhere!) would have suggested this level of sacrifice to pay for a particular school. If nothing else, it's clearly not good for your relationship with him! I know you want to blame the elite school, but I'm not sure that's the problem here.

It would be fine for our relationship if he's working hard with any sense of direction. But he is not. Actually, we expect him to work hard with a sense of purpose regardless of which school he's at (even if he was at our flagship on a full ride). But unfortunately that isn't the case.

Honestly, it sounds like your kid will be fine. I graduated from a top school with a similar major and lower GPA than your kid and have excelled in the work world (with top compensation). Made six figures right out of college. I had no clear direction in college either.

Very curious -- what was your first job out of college? Finance? Consulting? Tech? He's not competitive for any of those.

Tech/VC. It sounds like your kid is competitive for this— you don’t need a specific major or background to get hired.

Aren't the vast majority of recent grads hired in that field CS/Econ majors? At least that's the case at DS's Ivy. Did you work in a "soft" role (i.e. marketing)? Very curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it.

Sorry, OP, I don't think most people on here (or anywhere!) would have suggested this level of sacrifice to pay for a particular school. If nothing else, it's clearly not good for your relationship with him! I know you want to blame the elite school, but I'm not sure that's the problem here.

It would be fine for our relationship if he's working hard with any sense of direction. But he is not. Actually, we expect him to work hard with a sense of purpose regardless of which school he's at (even if he was at our flagship on a full ride). But unfortunately that isn't the case.

Honestly, it sounds like your kid will be fine. I graduated from a top school with a similar major and lower GPA than your kid and have excelled in the work world (with top compensation). Made six figures right out of college. I had no clear direction in college either.

Very curious -- what was your first job out of college? Finance? Consulting? Tech? He's not competitive for any of those.

Tech/VC. It sounds like your kid is competitive for this— you don’t need a specific major or background to get hired.

Aren't the vast majority of recent grads hired in that field CS/Econ majors? At least that's the case at DS's Ivy. Did you work in a "soft" role (i.e. marketing)? Very curious.

Started as an analyst. There are roles appropriate for liberal arts majors. Very common at HYP etc.

[Anonymous]

Is your kid Asian? Jeff keeps deleting some knuckle head named “IOWABOY” who is pretending to be a tiger mom. Are you that fake poster?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it.

Sorry, OP, I don't think most people on here (or anywhere!) would have suggested this level of sacrifice to pay for a particular school. If nothing else, it's clearly not good for your relationship with him! I know you want to blame the elite school, but I'm not sure that's the problem here.

It would be fine for our relationship if he's working hard with any sense of direction. But he is not. Actually, we expect him to work hard with a sense of purpose regardless of which school he's at (even if he was at our flagship on a full ride). But unfortunately that isn't the case.

Honestly, it sounds like your kid will be fine. I graduated from a top school with a similar major and lower GPA than your kid and have excelled in the work world (with top compensation). Made six figures right out of college. I had no clear direction in college either.

Very curious -- what was your first job out of college? Finance? Consulting? Tech? He's not competitive for any of those.

Tech/VC. It sounds like your kid is competitive for this— you don’t need a specific major or background to get hired.

Aren't the vast majority of recent grads hired in that field CS/Econ majors? At least that's the case at DS's Ivy. Did you work in a "soft" role (i.e. marketing)? Very curious.

Started as an analyst. There are roles appropriate for liberal arts majors. Very common at HYP etc.

But liberal arts majors with mediocre grades? I don't think so. Maybe he can start out in the nonprofit world. Or he could work in admissions for several years, then set up shop as a private college counselor.- a HYPS grad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it.

Sorry, OP, I don't think most people on here (or anywhere!) would have suggested this level of sacrifice to pay for a particular school. If nothing else, it's clearly not good for your relationship with him! I know you want to blame the elite school, but I'm not sure that's the problem here.

It would be fine for our relationship if he's working hard with any sense of direction. But he is not. Actually, we expect him to work hard with a sense of purpose regardless of which school he's at (even if he was at our flagship on a full ride). But unfortunately that isn't the case.

Honestly, it sounds like your kid will be fine. I graduated from a top school with a similar major and lower GPA than your kid and have excelled in the work world (with top compensation). Made six figures right out of college. I had no clear direction in college either.

Very curious -- what was your first job out of college? Finance? Consulting? Tech? He's not competitive for any of those.

Tech/VC. It sounds like your kid is competitive for this— you don’t need a specific major or background to get hired.

Aren't the vast majority of recent grads hired in that field CS/Econ majors? At least that's the case at DS's Ivy. Did you work in a "soft" role (i.e. marketing)? Very curious.

Started as an analyst. There are roles appropriate for liberal arts majors. Very common at HYP etc.

But liberal arts majors with mediocre grades? I don't think so. Maybe he can start out in the nonprofit world. Or he could work in admissions for several years, then set up shop as a private college counselor.- a HYPS grad

I think this kid has a 3.7 gpa, which would be sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it.

Sorry, OP, I don't think most people on here (or anywhere!) would have suggested this level of sacrifice to pay for a particular school. If nothing else, it's clearly not good for your relationship with him! I know you want to blame the elite school, but I'm not sure that's the problem here.

It would be fine for our relationship if he's working hard with any sense of direction. But he is not. Actually, we expect him to work hard with a sense of purpose regardless of which school he's at (even if he was at our flagship on a full ride). But unfortunately that isn't the case.

Honestly, it sounds like your kid will be fine. I graduated from a top school with a similar major and lower GPA than your kid and have excelled in the work world (with top compensation). Made six figures right out of college. I had no clear direction in college either.

Very curious -- what was your first job out of college? Finance? Consulting? Tech? He's not competitive for any of those.

Tech/VC. It sounds like your kid is competitive for this— you don’t need a specific major or background to get hired.

Aren't the vast majority of recent grads hired in that field CS/Econ majors? At least that's the case at DS's Ivy. Did you work in a "soft" role (i.e. marketing)? Very curious.

Started as an analyst. There are roles appropriate for liberal arts majors. Very common at HYP etc.

But liberal arts majors with mediocre grades? I don't think so. Maybe he can start out in the nonprofit world. Or he could work in admissions for several years, then set up shop as a private college counselor.- a HYPS grad

I think this kid has a 3.7 gpa, which would be sufficient.

Not if you're a humanities major. Massive grade inflation happening at Ivies these days. I think the average GPA at DS's school is around a 3.7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moral of the story: If you're full pay at an Ivy but making huge financial sacrifices to pay for it like us (DH and I moved halfway across the country to a much lower COL area where we rent a crappy two-bedroom apartment while renting our house back in our old state for extra money), it's probably not worth it.

Sorry, OP, I don't think most people on here (or anywhere!) would have suggested this level of sacrifice to pay for a particular school. If nothing else, it's clearly not good for your relationship with him! I know you want to blame the elite school, but I'm not sure that's the problem here.

It would be fine for our relationship if he's working hard with any sense of direction. But he is not. Actually, we expect him to work hard with a sense of purpose regardless of which school he's at (even if he was at our flagship on a full ride). But unfortunately that isn't the case.

Honestly, it sounds like your kid will be fine. I graduated from a top school with a similar major and lower GPA than your kid and have excelled in the work world (with top compensation). Made six figures right out of college. I had no clear direction in college either.

Very curious -- what was your first job out of college? Finance? Consulting? Tech? He's not competitive for any of those.

Tech/VC. It sounds like your kid is competitive for this— you don’t need a specific major or background to get hired.

Aren't the vast majority of recent grads hired in that field CS/Econ majors? At least that's the case at DS's Ivy. Did you work in a "soft" role (i.e. marketing)? Very curious.

Started as an analyst. There are roles appropriate for liberal arts majors. Very common at HYP etc.

But liberal arts majors with mediocre grades? I don't think so. Maybe he can start out in the nonprofit world. Or he could work in admissions for several years, then set up shop as a private college counselor.- a HYPS grad

Yes, this is what we're afraid of. What money will he earn in a nonprofit? He'll be relying on us for several years after graduation, which we have explicitly said is NOT okay.