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I’m a black descendant of Robert E. Lee
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Anonymous
I called my mom upset about this. She heard me read this post above aloud and she said: “The sickening thing is that she was 13 years old. Your grandmother was a product of rape because there were 40 and 50 year old women whose husbands were pedifials. There is no love there. Being an indentured servant isn’t special — It IS rape.” I never even thought of that dynamic. I feel sick to my stomach. This is why you don’t understand the challenge we have. And rhis is ONE side of my family. There are 3 other black people qirh 3 others stories” WRITE THE HISTORY UOU ERASED SO OUR HEALING CAN BEGIN STOP ELECTING PRESIDENTS ACCUSED OF RAPING YOUNG GIRLS AND THAT SUPPORTS THE CONFEDERANcy. Dont delete it. Tell it. Tell ALL of it. Because our history was ERASED. I’m angry and won’t be posting again tonight or reading what I missed. Thanks for those who respectfully engaged. |
Anonymous
How about you prove it? Go get a dna test and see how much African American blood you have in you. Do you have brown eyes? There are literal and inherent traits. Honestly - that is why history was erased. Because no one wants to talk about the Jeff Epstein’s but Trump can wish Ghislaine Maxwell well?! I’m furious and need to step away from thing MESS. It is wrong! People don’t have the confidence and courage I have to put it on the line! I guess I got it from grandpa? The story will be told, one way or another in this life or the next. I’m trying to inject gladiator humor but I’m angry. |
Anonymous
One last “and another thing!”  Without checking where I took a pause, there is white poster from the south that I typed a long response out that was lost. I want to address your experience too but I can’t do it thoughtfully. I did want to to bring that up because i had a sudden realization that part of the reason why things were erased was it was shameful. I was going to find your post and ask how your family talked about it, if they knew? Did the narrative change at home? Or was it forced socially and then shamed? Was it hidden? How have white women felt with the resentment and idea of being completely suppressed, given a dowry, can’t vote can’t work, can’t be president, and the men who allow you to marry in the family did it strategically for wealth? And not love? How do YOU feel as someone juxtaposed to me and in a similar situation just the other side of the coin?
These are conversations I e never had for questions I’ve never asked. Goodnight. A lot for me to think about. |
Anonymous
OP. I’m glad you replied. You get it 100%. This is it. It’s not about the statues. Removing them is like giving a Tylenol pill instead of an epidural before someone performs an emergency c-section. Now add the complexity of being a mom, being a black woman that has had privilege, having black men disappoint and mistreat for something they really were emasculated and humiliated for in every way to avoid leading our families. I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around it for a long time. Watching George Floyd die with my daughter looking in horror and asking why Trump wasn’t in jail is just one sliver of a memory. That certainly has even more meaning that I just realized. Literal authority in my bloodline killing literal children of the horrible pedifial rapist grandfather whose road connects my pain and my success. And all of these years later — now people jump in and just ruin an opportunity to heal and miss the bug picture. There is no trust. Which is also what the enemy of our country wants. Which means American stupidity and tolerance for big business ultimately creates a security threat to my child and your child’s future. I haven’t even uncovered the other dynamics. It’s unfair to ask an entire generation of i Ames souls to be deleted and you’re lied to about your past, and told to move on even with cards still stacked against you. And I’m a “lucky” one? /s Yet, I’d a man cheats on his wife, there is nothing but empathy foe the betrayal and lies being told, and they need to prove they will make amends and give you as much time as you need to be upset. I think I read posters that say 1-2 years is average. My child has a right to heal. She is healed because I’m her mom, but my entire family of brothers and sisters, by blood or by faith, are suffering. I’m a voice for those that won’t speak, or can’t, because they don’t have the privilege to. They’ve been trained to stay on a leash, quiet their bark and respond to an entire system of oppression and neglect that is near impossible to climb from. To everyone else that can identify — I want to remind you of rhis. WE ARW HERE. WE SURVIVED. WE ARE THE FITTEST. Our past doesn’t have to define our future but we have a right to have access to the information necessary to create a supportive environment of trust. Why is someone comfortable driving around with MAGA vanity plates? BAN THOSE WHEM UOU TAKE DOWN THE Statues! I can’t put a racial slur or curse word on it, so stop allowing micro aggressions! And you know, we didn’t have doctors that listened or Xanax to help us. Yet and still we thrive and grow. I want the receipt or tax record of my innocent ancestor so I can frame it and put it right next to my degree, which I’ve never mentioned but it’s from a school half of the posters here angle to position their child for. And that is just one part of the grace of God and good that has allowed broken pieces to be grafted into the true vine. It is a house built with stones, and there is a cornerstone that is my anchor. However, everyone doesn’t have that. By the way you’re welcome and I did rant there a bit but please understand this expression is NOT directed toward you!! This is what I am THINKING. Thank you die ASKING! Thank you. You’re a good note to truly set the pen down for now. Wooh-saaaah. Shalom. It is wrong. I don’t know what right is yet. But it isn’t this. |
Anonymous
Thank you again, PP. Your response means a lot. I didn’t expect too much of an evolved discussion, but I certainly didn’t prepare to argue about what I’m trying to describe here. How do you overcome rhis? I don’t know. Thank you for your kindness and wishes for peace, it’s my hope for all of us. We don’t have to ration it out, there is plenty. But some people have a hard time having access to it. And remember I am one story out of millions and this is just 25% of my identity. |
Anonymous
DP. I know you’ve said you do not want to do a DNA test, so I am not saying you should, just explaining the process. You can use a DNA program and opt to share your results. That can connect you to relatives. That’s the cheap current way of tracing family history. If a family member was really interested in pursuing it I would bet a University would provide a more detailed DNA search similar to what was done for Sally Hemming’s family. |
Anonymous
Understood, thank you for explaining more clearly. I felt defensive because I discovered another sickening truth and it feels raw. I interpreted your two words very differently. I thought you were challenging me and implying what most people did in the beginning of this thread. Everyone wouldn’t respond this way. And honestly? That is something I accept. They are allowed to cope and process things in whatever way helps them. As long as they don’t threaten anyone’s safety, feel what you want and even if I disagree that I okay. I told my mom, I don’t want a damn DNA test, so it exposes more lies and pain that there isn’t capacity for people to heal from? Why isn’t the first step, let’s talk about this. Let’s normalize the conversation ans take the intensity out of it. That soccer thread triggered me. Because it is literally an argument over Tylenol vs Advil while meanwhile surgery hasn’t even began which threatens my baby, and I’m top of that what they’re doing isn’t stopping the pain anyway! Sigh. |
Anonymous
I was a different person than the person who said “prove it”. “DP” at the beginning of my post stands for different poster on this site. 😬 I am pretty sure the “prove it” poster was being aggressive toward you. |
Anonymous
| I thought Robert Lee was Chinese. |
Anonymous
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OP, I'm the 15:30 poster. I just want to thank you for sharing your story and for taking the time to answer my/our questions, which, I hope, did not feel overly intrusive. You've given me a lot to think about, but also a sense of deep admiration for your strength and courage as you share not just your story but some of the process of how you're dealing with and growing with it. Your story is a part of OUR story -- that doesn't often get talked about or truly heard. I wish you much peace with all of it!
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Anonymous
If you are a black descendant of Robert E Lee, the original ancestor would have been half white and half black. That ancestor likely identified as black and married a black woman, reducing that generation to one quarter white, the next generation one eighth white and the next generation one sixteenth white. Is that what happened? |
Anonymous
I pray that you find the peace and healing you need |
Anonymous
DP: PP, you started off great, then veered off a bit. Most African-Americans are mixed : Often African, white and Indigenous. Thanks to the “one drop rule” of slavery, the vast majority of people with any African heritage were considered “Black” . I like the way you started off by saying “ identified as Black”. Once you veered off into using fractions, you shifted from “identity” to some sort of measure of racial purity — for lack of a better word. It’s not my family, and I’m not the OP, but I’d suggest that you focus on identity rather than fractions. Again, most of us are mixed, which would make your fractions complicated and not necessarily related to identity. You also seem to be assuming that each generation married someone Black, which wouldn’t have to be the case for a descendant to identify as Black. |
Anonymous
I was repeating my family’s history. My sister traced the genealogy of our family to an ancestor whose church records show was born in 1838 near Dundee Scotland. He came to the States as a mercenary in 1862 for the Union Army in the civil war. He had a common law marriage with a freed slave who was a house maid in Hagerstown MD where he settled after the war as a blacksmith. Their children identified as black and subsequent generations had black spouses and identified as black. I did not have my DNA tested, but my sister’s showed she was about 10% Caucasian which could have been attributed to other blacks who married into our family with Caucasian DNA. Maybe I should have used our family as an example rather than the fractions that show the OP may have little left of Robert E Lee in her DNA. I was trying to make her feel better knowing that most of her relationship to him had been diluted. |
Anonymous
| Hello cousin! We are also descendants of Robert E. Lee - though white. We grew up proud of our relation to the Lee-Custis family - only just in the past few years learning about how awful he was. |