Separating — how do you keep your kids from taking sides

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are 12 and 15. This situation is bizzare. They can be home with a sleeping parent or even alone. You have not stated anything that puts them in harms way. You never sleep!

My kids are not 12 and 15. My kids are both tweens. I don't know where you got 15 from.

I do sleep. My DH and kids sleep more hours than I do.

Sleeping while the kids are that age is not neglect. Even tweens it’s ok. If you want a divorce and limited contact just do Irrawaddy and stop with the games. Better for your kids to make a clean break then on off again relationship at your whims.

I have no idea what you are talking about here. None.

Someone asked if I watched my husband 24/7 and if so how do I sleep? I said that since he's got severe depression and sleeps 12 plus hours a day, I just sleep during those hours. I don't know where you got that I think that sleeping when your kids are awake is neglect. I just don't happen to do it, because they sleep at night, and I sleep at night, which is, I think, not a weird thing.

I don't want a divorce. I might not have a choice about that, but it's not what I want

Sleeping 12 hours a day is not a big deal. Some people need more sleep. Putting him out of the house and restricting visitation is not helping his depression and not a reason for supervised contact for kids that age. You have yet to point out any abuse or neglect, just depression. You should get a divorce already. You clearly want one as you kicked him out of the house and restrict access to the kids. That screams divorce and much more. You are setting up for removing him from the home/family/kids. Just finish it already.

I didn't say that sleeping 12 hours a day is a big deal. I said that he sleeps that much, because someone asked when I sleep, and I was clarifying that I am able to sleep during the hours that he is asleep, because there are plenty of hours.

I would prefer not to name the specific unsafe behaviors that I am concerned about, but my kids have been pretty traumatized by being exposed to his self-harm, and dangerous impulsive behavior, in the past, and I worry about that happening again. I don't worry about neglect, because my kids are old enough that they don't need constant direct supervision. If he was living alone with the kids, then yes, I'd have concerns about his ability to get food on the table, and figure out medical care, but since there are other adults around, those things aren't concerns.

I don't want a divorce. We had many years of wonderful marriage, that was interrupted by major trauma six months ago, that has caused PTSD and depression. What I want is for him to get better, and while he's sick, I want to be there for him. However, I also need to keep my kids safe. The best example I could give would be if my husband had a brain tumor. I would, of course, want to stand by him. But, if his brain tumor caused seizures, I'd also feel the need to set limits about him driving, and particularly driving with my kids in the car. If he refused to follow those limits, then my kids wouldn't be alone with him.