Boyfriend giving me silent treatment

[Anonymous]

I’m afraid OP was convinced by her boyfriend’s gaslighting and has now abandoned all pretense of her being the wronged party. OP, pretty sure you will regret staying with this guy....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. We get along great and have really good time together. We recently had our first fight and he had been giving me the silent treatment for 3 days. I’ve never dealt with this before. How do I handle? Is everything just over? We really having a great time up until this point.

BIG red flag for zero conflict resolution skills and poor verbal communication.

I’d end it if he doesn’t actively try to improve his abilities here ASAP. Could be a life of misery, lies, resentment, stonewalling, anger. Also could be driven by an underlying disorder, but more likely he grew up in a home that was incapable of talking things out, apologizing, and moving on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP, any update? Did you break up with him or cave when he 1/2 apologized but still doesn’t underhand why the silent treatment is not okay.

when called out on his lists poor behavior he probably doubled down and tried to,blame her for his shortcomings.
He probably started another argument to deflect and detract from apologizing and is still deflecting from discussing the original underlying issue.

Wanna ask me how I know? Married an a hole like this. After making some lame lame excuses for it when dating (hes a guy, he’s from that country, he dad doesn’t talk much, he must be introverted).

My list of unresolved conflicts, large and small, with him is very long now.

My list of unanswered basic questions over time is a mile long.

The children are now copying his poor behavior.

He also has aspergers so I need to further protect the kids. One of which also probably has it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. We get along great and have really good time together. We recently had our first fight and he had been giving me the silent treatment for 3 days. I’ve never dealt with this before. How do I handle? Is everything just over? We really having a great time up until this point.

It's hard to say without knowing what the fight was about.

My DH used to do that when we were dating, and probably early in the marriage. It's not that he wants to punish me for anything, he just go so mad after something that was said, that he would literally shut down and avoid me for a few days. He does it with everyone who angers him to that day - says it's better he takes some time out to settle down rather than stay and argue.

He doesn't do that anymore, or if it does, it's usually a few hours. I also now understand his reactions better and don't get nearly as upset. I'm like, ok maybe I shouldn't have said whatever it was, but you go and take your time, we'll talk later. You have to see what's yours like

Taking a time out (2-5 days is a lot) not healthy if HE circles back and leads a discussion to clear things up a day or two later. Walking away and trying to sweep it under the rug forever is not good.

[Anonymous]

Not cool. If you need time to cool off, say so. "I'm really upset and angry right now, and I need some time to calm down and get my thoughts straight so we can talk about this" is a mature, responsible, appropriate thing to say. The silent treatment is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to say without knowing what the fight was about. We don’t know either side of the story.

Agree. Maybe she cheated?

When I get mad I may not reach out or answer a text, because what is there to say, really, after someone does something shitty to you and shows that they don't care about you?

So then the silent treatment is a way to break up. That's all it is. It is not an acceptable way to react if you want to stay dating someone. If someone gave me the silent treatment, I assumed we were broken up, and acted accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to say without knowing what the fight was about. We don’t know either side of the story.

Agree. Maybe she cheated?

When I get mad I may not reach out or answer a text, because what is there to say, really, after someone does something shitty to you and shows that they don't care about you?

So then the silent treatment is a way to break up. That's all it is. It is not an acceptable way to react if you want to stay dating someone. If someone gave me the silent treatment, I assumed we were broken up, and acted accordingly.

It’s ghosting. Which is really trashy behavior for a 5 month relationship.

[Anonymous]

Immature. Dump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:RUN. That never gets better.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Leave.

[Anonymous]

This is a red flag. Cut and run now. Do not subject yourself to someone who gives people the silent treatment. He is not a good person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to say without knowing what the fight was about. We don’t know either side of the story.

Agree. Maybe she cheated?

When I get mad I may not reach out or answer a text, because what is there to say, really, after someone does something shitty to you and shows that they don't care about you?

So then the silent treatment is a way to break up. That's all it is. It is not an acceptable way to react if you want to stay dating someone. If someone gave me the silent treatment, I assumed we were broken up, and acted accordingly.

Well, if you did something shitty and didn't apologize, what am I obligated to say? It is not my problem to fix.

[Anonymous]

Yeah move on. The silent treatment is a bully move to get you to fall back in line and behave how he wants you to behave. Having time out is fine but 3 days is a lot.

It really is a red flag for emotional abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to say without knowing what the fight was about. We don’t know either side of the story.

Agree. Maybe she cheated?

When I get mad I may not reach out or answer a text, because what is there to say, really, after someone does something shitty to you and shows that they don't care about you?

So then the silent treatment is a way to break up. That's all it is. It is not an acceptable way to react if you want to stay dating someone. If someone gave me the silent treatment, I assumed we were broken up, and acted accordingly.

Well, if you did something shitty and didn't apologize, what am I obligated to say? It is not my problem to fix.

Breaking up by the silent treatment is actually really immature. If someone has done something awful talk to them about it, if they don't apologise then that's your answer, tell them it isn't working and walk away.

Going silent is simply that you can't communicate effectively. If you are really mad about something, it is normal to say you may need some space to cool down however if you need a few days to cool down when you have been dating for 5 months, not good, the relationship isn't working. Even in marriage needing to cool down for a few days isn't normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hard to say without knowing what the fight was about. We don’t know either side of the story.

Agree. Maybe she cheated?

When I get mad I may not reach out or answer a text, because what is there to say, really, after someone does something shitty to you and shows that they don't care about you?

So then the silent treatment is a way to break up. That's all it is. It is not an acceptable way to react if you want to stay dating someone. If someone gave me the silent treatment, I assumed we were broken up, and acted accordingly.

It’s ghosting. Which is really trashy behavior for a 5 month relationship.

Ghosting is the new word for the silent treatment. It doesn't matter what it is called, it is the actual behaviour that is the problem. If someone does this, run, its definitely a red flag.