Slept with friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s keeping you from just going with it? You cared enough to hook up with him. Are you sure there are no feelings there on your part? Are you sure he’s not what you want?

OP here. I don’t like him. I was tipsy, he kissed me, and we had sex. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a week ago. I’m not ready for anything.

Just curious: how many people have you slept with only because they wanted to/initiated it?

She was highly vulnerable, and had been drinking.

Stop being so harsh. We all need ways to get through the night.

No. For an adult, this is such a selfish, immature way to behave. OP owes her friend a sincere apology. She used him.

What?? Wasn't he an adult? How was the using not mutual, just for different motivations.

He had NO indications that this was more than a friendship, and he went for it. He is not exactly harmed by this exchange. And now she is asking how to extricate herself kindly. How many GUYS would worry about that in a similar circumstance?

I do think that in male-female friendships, it is usually clear that one person feels more, or would want more if it were on offer. And I think that in the case of a friendship, where you are not the person who wants more, it is responsible and ethical to avoid any situation that could end up hurting the other person. They weren't strangers. If she cared for him as a friend, she had an obligation not to...use him in this way.

This was badly done, OP, and I feel sorry for this man.

OP here. I didn't use him. We have never been romantic and he has never showed any interests in me until last night. I didn't know until after we slept together that he had feelings for me. I would have not slept with him if I had known that. Trying to slut shame me is rude.

[Anonymous]

Just go for it and see what happens. Rebound sex can be fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s keeping you from just going with it? You cared enough to hook up with him. Are you sure there are no feelings there on your part? Are you sure he’s not what you want?

OP here. I don’t like him. I was tipsy, he kissed me, and we had sex. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a week ago. I’m not ready for anything.

Just curious: how many people have you slept with only because they wanted to/initiated it?

She was highly vulnerable, and had been drinking.

Stop being so harsh. We all need ways to get through the night.

No. For an adult, this is such a selfish, immature way to behave. OP owes her friend a sincere apology. She used him.

What?? Wasn't he an adult? How was the using not mutual, just for different motivations.

He had NO indications that this was more than a friendship, and he went for it. He is not exactly harmed by this exchange. And now she is asking how to extricate herself kindly. How many GUYS would worry about that in a similar circumstance?

I do think that in male-female friendships, it is usually clear that one person feels more, or would want more if it were on offer. And I think that in the case of a friendship, where you are not the person who wants more, it is responsible and ethical to avoid any situation that could end up hurting the other person. They weren't strangers. If she cared for him as a friend, she had an obligation not to...use him in this way.

This was badly done, OP, and I feel sorry for this man.

OP here. I didn't use him. We have never been romantic and he has never showed any interests in me until last night. I didn't know until after we slept together that he had feelings for me. I would have not slept with him if I had known that. Trying to slut shame me is rude.

You sound very naive.

[Anonymous]

Op, sex doesn't just happen. You have to own your side. He didn't force you, you only regretted because he wants a relationship and you don't.

Just say, sorry I'm not interested in a relationship right now

[Anonymous]

Now that you two have seen each other naked, will the dynamic of your friendship change?

Plus now that your friend has confided that he is attracted to you >> that fact alone would switch up the dynamic for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not going to work out if he has actual feelings. My best friend is a man, when we travel together and drink a bit we usually end up sleeping together. But both of us ignore it and have a "what happens in city stays in city" attitude.

The sex is good, but I don't have any real feelings for him and I think that's mutual.

Damn! We could all use a friend like you.

[Anonymous]

OP has her answer by now. I think maybe one person supported her view.

[Anonymous]

I’m not so much bummed for him that you don’t reciprocate his feelings — but I’m very bummed for *you*. He’s a good friend (the basis of a good relationship), a great guy, good in bed, “hung” and he has romantic feelings for you. But you’re still in love with someone who is completely unworthy.

This isn’t a criticism - you have a broken heart, and you literally just broke up with someone you thought you were going to marry. It’s just a case of terrible timing. This guy friend sounds like the kind of guy you should be with, and who doesn’t come around every day. I wish you were in a place to give it a chance.

If it’s meant to be, he’ll be patient. Or maybe he just isn’t the guy for you, regardless. You’re right not to jump into something else right now, but darn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s keeping you from just going with it? You cared enough to hook up with him. Are you sure there are no feelings there on your part? Are you sure he’s not what you want?

OP here. I don’t like him. I was tipsy, he kissed me, and we had sex. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend a week ago. I’m not ready for anything.

Just curious: how many people have you slept with only because they wanted to/initiated it?

She was highly vulnerable, and had been drinking.

Stop being so harsh. We all need ways to get through the night.

No. For an adult, this is such a selfish, immature way to behave. OP owes her friend a sincere apology. She used him.

What?? Wasn't he an adult? How was the using not mutual, just for different motivations.

He had NO indications that this was more than a friendship, and he went for it. He is not exactly harmed by this exchange. And now she is asking how to extricate herself kindly. How many GUYS would worry about that in a similar circumstance?

I do think that in male-female friendships, it is usually clear that one person feels more, or would want more if it were on offer. And I think that in the case of a friendship, where you are not the person who wants more, it is responsible and ethical to avoid any situation that could end up hurting the other person. They weren't strangers. If she cared for him as a friend, she had an obligation not to...use him in this way.

This was badly done, OP, and I feel sorry for this man.

OP here. I didn't use him. We have never been romantic and he has never showed any interests in me until last night. I didn't know until after we slept together that he had feelings for me. I would have not slept with him if I had known that. Trying to slut shame me is rude.

Completely agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say hey the sex was great but it was a one time thing I enjoyed but not looking for more not looking for anything other than continuing our friendship. If he ask why, say that is how I feel, respect or don’t. Whichever you choose, please do not peruse a romantic relationship with me or that will be the end of our friendship.

OP here. It isn't even so much him. I'm fresh out of a very long and serious relationship that I thought was it. We were making plans to get engaged and then he just broke up with me. He decided he didn't want marriage or kids and felt I deserved someone who did. I'm still very hurt and not in a place to date or get serious with anyone.

Why can't you tell this to your friend?

You may lose him as a friend anyway. If the sex was good, you guys enjoy each other's company, it may be hard to resist a FWB situation from developing. Then his feelings may become an issue.

[Anonymous]

Just tell him the truth clearly and soon. Your friendship may or may not survive it. Now that you know how he feels, it will be harder to maintain the friendship anyway, but who knows. Just don’t use him as your sounding board when you start dating others and don’t continue to sleep with him if you truly aren’t interested - will make it too hard for him to move on to a someone he can really be with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say hey the sex was great but it was a one time thing I enjoyed but not looking for more not looking for anything other than continuing our friendship. If he ask why, say that is how I feel, respect or don’t. Whichever you choose, please do not peruse a romantic relationship with me or that will be the end of our friendship.

OP here. It isn't even so much him. I'm fresh out of a very long and serious relationship that I thought was it. We were making plans to get engaged and then he just broke up with me. He decided he didn't want marriage or kids and felt I deserved someone who did. I'm still very hurt and not in a place to date or get serious with anyone.

Date this guy despite your reservations. That's what a man would do in these circumstances and that's what I wished I'd done in the same situation (I'm female).

I have also been in your shoes and the friendship ended. Not immediately, because he still held out hope (I didn't realize) but when he met someone new and started a real relationship, I was completely toast. And I still miss that friend now. When you make mistakes like these, there are long term consequences.

I would date him. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You could let him know, but seriously, you should at least give him a parting BJ. would be a great kindness.

OP here. This will not be happening.

And it shouldn't because that is insane. That's treating men as if they can't handle the fact that a woman isn't into them. A parting gift? They were never together. Doing anything sexual again will just encourage him. The men suggesting this are just selfish @ssholes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say hey the sex was great but it was a one time thing I enjoyed but not looking for more not looking for anything other than continuing our friendship. If he ask why, say that is how I feel, respect or don’t. Whichever you choose, please do not peruse a romantic relationship with me or that will be the end of our friendship.

OP here. It isn't even so much him. I'm fresh out of a very long and serious relationship that I thought was it. We were making plans to get engaged and then he just broke up with me. He decided he didn't want marriage or kids and felt I deserved someone who did. I'm still very hurt and not in a place to date or get serious with anyone.

Date this guy despite your reservations. That's what a man would do in these circumstances and that's what I wished I'd done in the same situation (I'm female).

I have also been in your shoes and the friendship ended. Not immediately, because he still held out hope (I didn't realize) but when he met someone new and started a real relationship, I was completely toast. And I still miss that friend now. When you make mistakes like these, there are long term consequences.

I would date him. Seriously.

This is a good point. Tell him you'll date him but no sex until you feel you've gotten over the previous relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say hey the sex was great but it was a one time thing I enjoyed but not looking for more not looking for anything other than continuing our friendship. If he ask why, say that is how I feel, respect or don’t. Whichever you choose, please do not peruse a romantic relationship with me or that will be the end of our friendship.

OP here. It isn't even so much him. I'm fresh out of a very long and serious relationship that I thought was it. We were making plans to get engaged and then he just broke up with me. He decided he didn't want marriage or kids and felt I deserved someone who did. I'm still very hurt and not in a place to date or get serious with anyone.

Date this guy despite your reservations. That's what a man would do in these circumstances and that's what I wished I'd done in the same situation (I'm female).

I have also been in your shoes and the friendship ended. Not immediately, because he still held out hope (I didn't realize) but when he met someone new and started a real relationship, I was completely toast. And I still miss that friend now. When you make mistakes like these, there are long term consequences.

I would date him. Seriously.

This is a good point. Tell him you'll date him but no sex until you feel you've gotten over the previous relationship.

I think it's too late for that. AFter the first bite, you cannot unbite.