14 year old girl won't let parents see phone.

[Anonymous]

My teens do not have phones of their own. They have phones I let them use. I collect them during the school day and then again at night. They know I can view texts etc. I assume they don't tell their friends this because some of the texts we have seen are highly alarming. One prompted me to contact the parents ( a friend was contemplated suicide quite a bit) and I am so glad I saw it because my daughter did not even think to mention it.

Your kids will have plenty of privacy when they are adults. Now they need to learn what not to do and make mistakes while mom and dad can still help them correct it. Teens are not adults and should not have the freedoms of adults.

[Anonymous]

Wow Op. Let? What else does your 14 year old not “let” you do?

You do realize that whatever she isn’t letting you see could have been shared all over the school? I have a friend who was like you. She ended up with kids passing topless photos of her DD around the school. The kid ended up having to change schools

I had the PIN or biometric access to my kids phones. Spot checked regularly at first and checked regularly. Then as I saw their behavior was fine, less regularly. Then not at all unless there was an issue.

But, it’s a big risk to let your 14 year old one the phone with no supervision. The internet is forever. Increasingly, kids are getting into college admissions trouble with internet use.

Lock or disable the phone. Take it away. Remind her you paid for the phone and pay for the service. Keep it for a week and let her detox. And then tell you are willing to go through her entire phone, app by app with her. Get the PIN or put your biometrics in, and tell her if she locks you out, it’s game over for the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suspend her account so she knows you're not issuing idle threats. Then have a talk and let her know what is expected going forward. You can suspend accounts online in just a few minutes.

Suspending service on Verizon or AT& site does nothing. Kids just use the wi-fi for everything (so you really only lack service in the car, assuming car doesn't also have wi-fi like new GMs have avail).

But I think you can quickly lock the phone on icloud.com. Is that what you mean?

[Anonymous]

13 y.o. was given a phone against my wishes by his dad; I told him ahead of time what is not allowed. He crossed that line more than one and now does not have a phone; he has been told that everything on computer is ours to access whenever we want. We pay for the computer and wifi and therefore own it. Last week I looked and a "friend" of his messaged that he was going to commit suicide on his birthday. Called his mom to let her know I knew and to bring to her attention and then spoke with son about it. He said he was not sure what to do and that he and a friend were talking about calling the police. Provided a teachable moment about sharing with parents.

There is no phone or electronics refusal happening here.

[Anonymous]

When my kid wouldn’t hand over her phone, I would sign on to the provider and report it missing.

The kid could walk around with a useless phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take the phone away

This
She is a child. A child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My teens do not have phones of their own. They have phones I let them use. I collect them during the school day and then again at night. They know I can view texts etc. I assume they don't tell their friends this because some of the texts we have seen are highly alarming. One prompted me to contact the parents ( a friend was contemplated suicide quite a bit) and I am so glad I saw it because my daughter did not even think to mention it.

Your kids will have plenty of privacy when they are adults. Now they need to learn what not to do and make mistakes while mom and dad can still help them correct it. Teens are not adults and should not have the freedoms of adults.

Thanks for posting this. I agree completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my kids are 14 and 18 and have both had phones since 7th grade or so. "Privacy" is a moving target IMO. I did/do not give 13/14yo a phone without agreements around their understanding that their privacy is not absolute, I can and will take a look from time to time, they need to let me know their password. Honestly I'm glad I did, both kids were in situations early on that were a bit over their heads in how to handle and I was able to help them manage it without directly telling them that I was aware of what was going on. If they balk at that - well - then I'm not paying for the thing so they both went along with it. By older teenage years when my first kid had showed me good judgment over time I backed off.

Yep this is the rule in our house and while there has been complaining they comply. It’s always harder to pull back the rope if you give them too much in the beginning. Both kids had to sign contracts (2 pages) that explicitly says we get to see the phone whenever we want and must know passwords etc. they make mistakes and the only way to know they make mistakes is to see their phone