5 yo biting his sister - at wit's end

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty much all terrible advice. OP, talk to your pediatrician. This doesn’t sound developmentally appropriate. Advice from a professional should be in order.

Ridiculous. I'm definitely in the camp of OP has barely implemented any punishment and should start there. The simplest explanation is the kid has an anger problem.

I disagree with the posters that say to allow your daughter to take things from him or even to lavish attention on her. He's not 2 or 3, which is when depriving him of attention would work, and having her participate in the punishment feels wrong to me - like it could create resentment that may be hard to resolve in the future.

I think I'd go with telling him that if he bites his sister again then none of his time will be his own until the bite mark disappears. Then he's your servant. He empties and loads the dishwasher, he folds and puts away the laundry, he helps with meal prep and clears dishes. Cleans the bathrooms, takes care of pets, yardwork, whatever. And no screens.

If that's too intense (that's a lot on you and dad), then I'd make the loss of his favorite toy permanent (might even make him throw it away), no screens, no privileges.

It is not the daughter job to be the parent nor should she be in a position of power. No servant either.

He needs strong consequences. Send to room for rest of the day, clear out room of toys and no electronics for a few days. Repeat each time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS, who will be 6 in Nov, is generally speaking a super sweet kid. Well behaved at school, lots of friends, full of hugs and love. EXCEPT. For the past 2-3 months, every time he and DD (8) get into it - which is at least once a day, because let's be honest, they have spent an absurd amount of time together - he bites her. Never bitten another soul. And he bites her HARD.

We have tried what feels like everything to get him to stop - strategies for what to do instead when he's mad at her (bite a pillow! breathing ball! come find me!), positive reinforcement for days without biting, and even taking away beloved toys and enforcing extra chores when he bites.

And it just doesn't stop. I have cut my kids a fair amount of slack this year with everything, but this is not acceptable - and I seriously am out of ideas. I need my little predator to quit chomping on his sister!! Help!!

He's not going to stop until she bites him back-hard! If she makes him bleed he'll stop.

That is abuse. You are horrible to even suggest that.

I hope he bites you. It is not abuse it is a consequence for his actions and he deserves it.

[Anonymous]

So OP what did you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS, who will be 6 in Nov, is generally speaking a super sweet kid. Well behaved at school, lots of friends, full of hugs and love. EXCEPT. For the past 2-3 months, every time he and DD (8) get into it - which is at least once a day, because let's be honest, they have spent an absurd amount of time together - he bites her. Never bitten another soul. And he bites her HARD.

We have tried what feels like everything to get him to stop - strategies for what to do instead when he's mad at her (bite a pillow! breathing ball! come find me!), positive reinforcement for days without biting, and even taking away beloved toys and enforcing extra chores when he bites.

And it just doesn't stop. I have cut my kids a fair amount of slack this year with everything, but this is not acceptable - and I seriously am out of ideas. I need my little predator to quit chomping on his sister!! Help!!

He's not going to stop until she bites him back-hard! If she makes him bleed he'll stop.

That is abuse. You are horrible to even suggest that.

So he's abusing his sister?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Next time he bites her, tell her to bite him back. HARD. He will learn if not from his sibling than the wrong person he bites.

+1 I couldn't get DD2 to stop pinching DD1...until DD1 pinched back. It never happened again.

+2. Natural consequence of the behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP, when you say the kids "get into it" what does that mean? Is the older kid all talk or is she getting physical with him? Yes, he needs serious consequences, but it sounds like you and DH also need to spend a period of time supervising them very closely, intervening before they get to the fighting stage. Have you read Siblings without Rivalry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty much all terrible advice. OP, talk to your pediatrician. This doesn’t sound developmentally appropriate. Advice from a professional should be in order.

Developmental educator here. Agree 100%. Repeated biting needs to be addressed.

Question for you then: what do you suspect the pediatrician will say based on a 15 minute consult in his/her office? What’s your armchair diagnosis? Could it really not be one out of control 5 year old whose parents have inconsistent consequences that the kid doesn’t care about?

Op to this comment. Definitely not giving an armchair diagnosis. Good try. And agree w others that most Peds won’t be able to help a lot, but they may be good for a referral, or at least to start the convo. And to your other questions, I again suggest you get real advice. Not that of a nameless, faceless person on dcum. I’m a parent of kids w challenges, not an expert. You guys just spin your wheels up in here. Don’t. Your kids matter. Crappy advice is damaging.

[Anonymous]

DS was a biter as a toddler and then it made a resurgence shortly after younger sister was born. He would bite DH when angry. Then one day little sister gave him a hug from behind and simultaneously bit him- a "love" bite, but bit him hard. Holy hell did that do it- he hasn't bitten anyone since.

[Anonymous]

They need less time together. He can't be trusted to play with her safely so make sure they have separate places to play. Just because they are home together doesn't mean they have to sacrifice privacy. My kids have some personal toys in their rooms as well as joint toys in a playroom. When they want to play alone they go in their rooms and siblings are not allowed without express invitations.

I also agree that anything they are fighting over and he bites becomes hers to use and he gets removed completely.

[Anonymous]

Apparently I was a bitter as a child. I don't remember this. What I do remember is sitting in the back of my moms car while she ran in for donuts and my older sister bit the crap out of me and thinking she would get in so much trouble. She didn't-my mom said 'good it's about time' and after that I never bit again. I guess I'd been biting my sister and my mom told her to bite me back but she refused until one day she had enough. Biting back works.

[Anonymous]

I was a biter at age 4. I remember biting older kids in situations where I felt helpless because they were bigger and stronger than me. One time a girl was twisting my arm and I couldn't get away, so I bit her. Biting is not okay, but I would be trying to figure out what the triggers are for the behavior.