5 yo biting his sister - at wit's end

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At nearly six, this isn’t impulse control. His desire to hurt her is greater than your consequences. Warn him immediately that if he bites or hurts her again, there will be no screens for a week - and stick with it. When he hears her watching TV or playing on iPad, remind him why he can’t. Don’t give it.

You’ve been too lax, OP. What he’s doing is not okay or age appropriate.

+1. Except the screens and grounding are immediate. No warning.

Honestly, at this point I would consider a swat, especially if he bit her and wouldn't let go. Purposefully harming other people is my bright line for the limit of non-physical punishment and would consider a smack with a crop if I catch him doing it or drag him to child psychologist (probably the latter but I'd need more context if the former was appropriate, such as if he bites and refuses to let go).
I watched my neighbors break each others' bones and leave horrific bruises and have all sorts of hospital runs because this behavior only escalates as they get older and this little brother will likely grow much bigger than his sister. I absolutely will not tolerate physical violence between siblings.I would also tell the sister to defend herself and not punish her for it.

I don't agree with a swat but if its happened enough times I would consider letting my husband do it who would have no issue with it as enough is enough. There is no more warnings. To your room for the rest of the day and several days of no electronics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty much all terrible advice. OP, talk to your pediatrician. This doesn’t sound developmentally appropriate. Advice from a professional should be in order.

Developmental educator here. Agree 100%. Repeated biting needs to be addressed.

Question for you then: what do you suspect the pediatrician will say based on a 15 minute consult in his/her office? What’s your armchair diagnosis? Could it really not be one out of control 5 year old whose parents have inconsistent consequences that the kid doesn’t care about?

My advice is to bypass the pediatrician, they have limited knowledge of these types of behaviors. I would suggest a child therapist or a child psychologist. Biting at 5 is not wholly the result of lack of consequences and lazy parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is her response when he does it? If the answer isn’t she slaps the dog sh!t out of him, it is now.

Tell her to bite him back as hard as she can. He'll never bite her again.

[Anonymous]

If he isn’t biting anyone else, I’d just tell my daughter to bite back. He is doing it because he knows his sister can’t do anything about it. If he was biting other kids or you guys as well, I’d say there is a bigger issue and you should probably seek out help from a psychologist.

[Anonymous]

I’m not pro spanking, but you can’t let her your DD get bit every single day. That is far more damaging than a single swat to the butt.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't advocate for the daughter biting him back, because bites can be dangerous and full of bacteria (exactly why son needs to stop NOW, but let's not double the potential health issues).

I would, however, immediately send him to his room and remove TV, dessert, and screens for at least 3 days. And I would tell DD that when you are being bitten, it is OK to hit that person. Hard. She needs to defend herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS, who will be 6 in Nov, is generally speaking a super sweet kid. Well behaved at school, lots of friends, full of hugs and love. EXCEPT. For the past 2-3 months, every time he and DD (8) get into it - which is at least once a day, because let's be honest, they have spent an absurd amount of time together - he bites her. Never bitten another soul. And he bites her HARD.

We have tried what feels like everything to get him to stop - strategies for what to do instead when he's mad at her (bite a pillow! breathing ball! come find me!), positive reinforcement for days without biting, and even taking away beloved toys and enforcing extra chores when he bites.

And it just doesn't stop. I have cut my kids a fair amount of slack this year with everything, but this is not acceptable - and I seriously am out of ideas. I need my little predator to quit chomping on his sister!! Help!!

He's not going to stop until she bites him back-hard! If she makes him bleed he'll stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He earns his freedom. Direct supervision of him at all times. Prevent it from happening in the first place.

I did this for one of my kids. Arms length until I could trust him. He slept on the floor beside my bed. I waited outside of the bathroom for him and didn't let him close the door all the way. And, I did things like clean the house and every chore I could think of. I gave no specific time frame so he had no idea when it would end. I kept it up for a few days. 100% extinguished the behavior.

or you could put soap in his mouth and be done in 5 minutes.

It is child abuse to physically force something nonedible, that you know to be harmful in your child's mouth.

Soap doesn't bysdyevgood but it is not harmful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her response when he does it? If the answer isn’t she slaps the dog sh!t out of him, it is now.

Ha, I only read the title of the thread and "let her bite back" was my first thought.

Nothing stopped my younger sister until I bit her. It’s such 80s advice, but it worked.

Some things are time tested. As someone said, the consequences implemented are not great enough. I can guarantee if she wallops him one good time or bites him back he’ll stop.

My big sister bullied me endlessly when we were that age. One day, my mom said I could fight back. It happened one more time, and that was it. For what it's worth, we're great friends now. Be straight with your daughter, apologize for failing to prevent her brother from hurting her, and let her know she can react and defend herself.

Your mom was a lazy selfish parent.

I guess now we know the key to loving, healthy, rewarding adult family relationships. Just be lazy and selfish!

[Anonymous]

This is absurd. For MONTHS, OP's daugher has been PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED EVERY SINGLE DAY in her OWN HOME, and you all think the consequences for the assailant should be "no dessert?"

#1 I would be getting your son some type of mental health help. This is not normal
#2 The consequences have to be far more immediate and strict than "no dessert" or "no screens."

"Go to the corner and face the wall. Just stand there facing the wall until I tell you can leave."
When you say he can leave, he goes to his room and stays there. No toys, no screens. Nothing. He can come out for meals and to use bathroom/brush his teeth.

And OP, you really don't know that he has never bit anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty much all terrible advice. OP, talk to your pediatrician. This doesn’t sound developmentally appropriate. Advice from a professional should be in order.

Ridiculous. I'm definitely in the camp of OP has barely implemented any punishment and should start there. The simplest explanation is the kid has an anger problem.

I disagree with the posters that say to allow your daughter to take things from him or even to lavish attention on her. He's not 2 or 3, which is when depriving him of attention would work, and having her participate in the punishment feels wrong to me - like it could create resentment that may be hard to resolve in the future.

I think I'd go with telling him that if he bites his sister again then none of his time will be his own until the bite mark disappears. Then he's your servant. He empties and loads the dishwasher, he folds and puts away the laundry, he helps with meal prep and clears dishes. Cleans the bathrooms, takes care of pets, yardwork, whatever. And no screens.

If that's too intense (that's a lot on you and dad), then I'd make the loss of his favorite toy permanent (might even make him throw it away), no screens, no privileges.

[Anonymous]

If he's been in school/ daycare and plays with other children, I think OP can safely say he hasn't bitten anyone else. No kid bites at school and gets away with it.

Immediate harsh consequences, OP, the next time this happens. He spends the rest of the day tethered to one parent doing extremely boring things, including chores, while the victim gets special big treat in front of DS for her troubles and gets taken out to spend special time with the other parent. No screens, games, or anything fun for DS for the rest of the day, and that length of time increases as it needs to.

Also, DD should be encouraged to smack him, hard, if he does this again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is her response when he does it? If the answer isn’t she slaps the dog sh!t out of him, it is now.

Tell her to bite him back as hard as she can. He'll never bite her again.

Why are you at you wits end, OP? Common sense says that she bites him back.

[Anonymous]

When my kid was 5 one of his friends started biting my son and his other friends. The third time he bit my little boy, who is normally placid and very easy going, he bit him back on the nose, hard enough to draw blood. We were obviously totally mortified and apologetic. But that was the last ever time that the friend ever bit anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS, who will be 6 in Nov, is generally speaking a super sweet kid. Well behaved at school, lots of friends, full of hugs and love. EXCEPT. For the past 2-3 months, every time he and DD (8) get into it - which is at least once a day, because let's be honest, they have spent an absurd amount of time together - he bites her. Never bitten another soul. And he bites her HARD.

We have tried what feels like everything to get him to stop - strategies for what to do instead when he's mad at her (bite a pillow! breathing ball! come find me!), positive reinforcement for days without biting, and even taking away beloved toys and enforcing extra chores when he bites.

And it just doesn't stop. I have cut my kids a fair amount of slack this year with everything, but this is not acceptable - and I seriously am out of ideas. I need my little predator to quit chomping on his sister!! Help!!

He's not going to stop until she bites him back-hard! If she makes him bleed he'll stop.

That is abuse. You are horrible to even suggest that.