Friends dropped us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care? And, why are you going to events with COVID. You are why we cannot reopen schools.

OP - there are several families that are in pods together

OP, do you think pods are magical? Do you think when SEVERAL families decide to join a pod that they are somehow immune? THAT'S NOT HOW THIS WORKS.

Honestly, you sound immature and stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you find different friends who you actually like.

OP - how do we do this when the loud mom is trash talking us?
There’s another nice mom we spent time with last year and she pretends she doesn’t see me every time

Hmm, ok. So — there’s another mom you spent time with last year, not another *nice* mom. Nice people don’t act this way.

OP - I know and that’s why it’s all so confusing to me. When we were friendly with the loud mom she was always trash talking different people because of perceived slights and making it clear that others shouldn’t be friends with them

Can you hear yourself? You said when you were friends with this person, they were trash talking (whatever that means) other people. Now she's trash talking you. HOW CAN YOU BE CONFUSED?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey there, OP. We had a mean mom in our neighborhood. Everyone was a little afraid of her. When she got into a spat with another mom, the rest of us didn't rally around mean mom and start ignoring the other mom. If anything, it reinforced how awful she was. We all tried our best to stay out of the whole thing.

My point is, if the mean mom in your social circle is trash talking you and the other moms are going along with it, they're immature and probably have low self-esteem. You probably shouldn't hang around them anyway. Mean mom sounds like she realized you had her figured out (you called her bitchiness out) and she decided to start trash talking you to all the other moms before you beat her to it. Because mean moms assume everyone else is evil like them, think like them, and would do the same crazy shit they do.

As previous posters said, cultivate other friendships. Try reaching out to another kid's mom from their school class and see if you can arrange an outdoor play date.

^^^ Also, wanted to say that the best thing you can do is to act like it doesn't bother you at all. Be as nice as you can to them all, even mean mom. Smile, say hi (even if they ignore you). If any of those ladies are actually decent people who are just afraid of her, or if it turns out she's saying things about you that are untrue and making people avoid you, eventually they will figure it out. Not that you should hang around and wait for that to happen. But, meanwhile, take the high road.

OP
Thank you. This is good advice
I do get the impression that a lot of these moms are sheep, I’m as friendly as I can be
I’m also somewhat relieved not to be caught up in it all anymore

Pot, meet kettle. You're a sheep, OP. You were friends with this woman when she was mean to other people and now you're on the receiving end. Karma is a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any other friends in the group that you trust and can confide in? Express the feeling that you’re having of being on the outside (or whatever) — without mentioning Mean Mom — and see what you get.. Everyone feels left out on occasion and it sucks, but if you don’t ask you’ll never know what’s up. I’m not super confrontational, but I’d totally speak up in this situation.

OP
This is good advice but I don’t know who to trust
Also I don’t want to bring others into it
After the next two weeks we won’t see any of these people for a year

Why do you think you won't see any of these people? Do you think the virus just halted for you for summer and then once it's time for school everyone will just retreat back into their houses? You're willing to hang out with other people and send your kids to outside camp. Why you're acting like come August 10 you're going to be quarantining is kind of mind blowing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were friends with another couple through our kids, we each have three kids the same age and go to the same camp.

The mom is definitely a mean girl but also very fake, over the winter I reached out to her a few times and didn’t hear back, which I assumed was just Covid insanity related. Turns out she and her husband are totally fading us, her DH avoids us and will barely say hello, she says hi but also we’ve heard from others that she’s trash talking us.

Today we were at an event for the kids and she and her friends were huddled in a corner and it was clear they were talking about us.
Also another mom had confirmed this last month.

We’ve no idea why they’re being like this, though they have a bunch of issues and so it’s also not a surprise, it’s a bit of a relief actually because she’s a drama queen. But it’s hard to know how to act at camp, especially as they’ve brought other moms into it. Also it makes me sad as all the parents socialize with the kids so we can tell our kids are being excluded from stuff.

WWYD?

What kind of trash talking? Specifically? Is she making stuff up?

OP I don’t know why she’s pulled back or what exactly she’s saying about us. There’s another mom I’ve known for years who just told me to watch my back with her. There’s nothing I would have done or said about her, but she was saying stuff that was really mean spirited about someone else. I told her we didn’t know the full story so shouldn’t judge and she was really angry about that.

Sounds like you butted into a situation where you didn't know anything. Without having an idea what that other person did, and it could have been something horrible and unforgivable. I'm not saying that bad mouthing people is ok, but you inserted yourself into a conversation and gave an opinion for which you had no support and she got mad at you. Stop acting like you've taken the high horse here. If you don't like this woman, then don't hang out with her. How old are you? Do you work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were friends with another couple through our kids, we each have three kids the same age and go to the same camp.

The mom is definitely a mean girl but also very fake, over the winter I reached out to her a few times and didn’t hear back, which I assumed was just Covid insanity related. Turns out she and her husband are totally fading us, her DH avoids us and will barely say hello, she says hi but also we’ve heard from others that she’s trash talking us.

Today we were at an event for the kids and she and her friends were huddled in a corner and it was clear they were talking about us.
Also another mom had confirmed this last month.

We’ve no idea why they’re being like this, though they have a bunch of issues and so it’s also not a surprise, it’s a bit of a relief actually because she’s a drama queen. But it’s hard to know how to act at camp, especially as they’ve brought other moms into it. Also it makes me sad as all the parents socialize with the kids so we can tell our kids are being excluded from stuff.

WWYD?

when you see them in the future, glance at that momentarily but then turn and start talking to someone else or walk away to do something
don't try and exchange greetings
don't ask others about them or what they are doing
if anyone every says anything about you ignoring them feign surprise and say something phony like oh no! I just didn't see them/had so much on my mind/was so intent on doing x/ whatever
when you stop trying to engage they will suddenly become much more interested in you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, you are dodging a huge bullet here. Don't put up or give a second thought to this middle school behavior. Why did you even stick around when she was bad mouthing others to you?

OP - there is a group like this in many places (not all, thankfully). Usually, they have not moved from their home town, and want to claim their "turf". Yes, this is the level (or lack) of maturity you are dealing with. I don't know why you would be surprised that they turned on you, when you actively took part in their deceit, anger, lies and general meanness. The woman (stunted girl) I know who does this effs with people in the neighborhood who make her look bad (which is really not difficult) - she tells lies about whomever it is, like "so and so doesn't like/get along with anyone!" - because IRL, that is how SHE (not the other person) is, and she is trying desperately to deflect from how awful and mean spirited she really is. She just never learned how to accept or like herself, she is terribly insecure, and is only happy with her minions who are equally insecure. OP, you need to learn how to become a better and more mature person and stay far away from the immature, stunted, sneaky, passive aggressive, drama prone people.

You are missing nothing, this isn't high school, this is real life, and you are supposed to be enjoying it with good people, not terrible people. Surround yourself with positive. Drama lady senses your insecurities, you are insecure like her, that is why she liked you. Look in the mirror and reassess, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey there, OP. We had a mean mom in our neighborhood. Everyone was a little afraid of her. When she got into a spat with another mom, the rest of us didn't rally around mean mom and start ignoring the other mom. If anything, it reinforced how awful she was. We all tried our best to stay out of the whole thing.

My point is, if the mean mom in your social circle is trash talking you and the other moms are going along with it, they're immature and probably have low self-esteem. You probably shouldn't hang around them anyway. Mean mom sounds like she realized you had her figured out (you called her bitchiness out) and she decided to start trash talking you to all the other moms before you beat her to it. Because mean moms assume everyone else is evil like them, think like them, and would do the same crazy shit they do.

As previous posters said, cultivate other friendships. Try reaching out to another kid's mom from their school class and see if you can arrange an outdoor play date.

^^^ Also, wanted to say that the best thing you can do is to act like it doesn't bother you at all. Be as nice as you can to them all, even mean mom. Smile, say hi (even if they ignore you). If any of those ladies are actually decent people who are just afraid of her, or if it turns out she's saying things about you that are untrue and making people avoid you, eventually they will figure it out. Not that you should hang around and wait for that to happen. But, meanwhile, take the high road.

OP
Thank you. This is good advice
I do get the impression that a lot of these moms are sheep, I’m as friendly as I can be
I’m also somewhat relieved not to be caught up in it all anymore

Pot, meet kettle. You're a sheep, OP. You were friends with this woman when she was mean to other people and now you're on the receiving end. Karma is a bitch.

PP has a point. They are sheep, and they hang with the self acclaimed "leader" (not really) because they don't want to be a target. Is that how you want your "friends" to be? No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t do anything, just move on and cultivate your other friendships.

OP / thanks, this is what I want to do
But other people are afraid of her and distancing from us, it’s a small group
So what can I do? I’m not going to get involved in any drama with her but I also don’t want her to keep trying to block us from having friends

OP, you can only control what you do. You have zero control over others. That's just a fact of life. You're talking about adults. If someone is going to base whether or not they spend time with you on what this overgrown mean girl says then they aren't someone you'd want to spend time with anyway. Do you, enjoy watching your kids and don't let the assholes turn you into one. Easier said than done, I know, but once you get it down you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. It's difficult to feel excluded, even if you don't particularly like the people who are excluding you.

The only thing you can control in this situation is yourself. Take the high road.

I would stop trying to be friends with any of them, but I'd continue to be friendly.

Build a life with your family and friends that you enjoy. It's separate from your child's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Personally, you are dodging a huge bullet here. Don't put up or give a second thought to this middle school behavior. Why did you even stick around when she was bad mouthing others to you?

OP - there is a group like this in many places (not all, thankfully). Usually, they have not moved from their home town, and want to claim their "turf". Yes, this is the level (or lack) of maturity you are dealing with. I don't know why you would be surprised that they turned on you, when you actively took part in their deceit, anger, lies and general meanness. The woman (stunted girl) I know who does this effs with people in the neighborhood who make her look bad (which is really not difficult) - she tells lies about whomever it is, like "so and so doesn't like/get along with anyone!" - because IRL, that is how SHE (not the other person) is, and she is trying desperately to deflect from how awful and mean spirited she really is. She just never learned how to accept or like herself, she is terribly insecure, and is only happy with her minions who are equally insecure. OP, you need to learn how to become a better and more mature person and stay far away from the immature, stunted, sneaky, passive aggressive, drama prone people.

You are missing nothing, this isn't high school, this is real life, and you are supposed to be enjoying it with good people, not terrible people. Surround yourself with positive. Drama lady senses your insecurities, you are insecure like her, that is why she liked you. Look in the mirror and reassess, seriously.

Agree. I had a similar experience with a "hometown" girl who wants to run the show and anyone who plans something is seen as a threat to her. She also makes comments about how people "don't belong" because they aren't from the area, like that is a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your friends with the lady below who has the misbehaved child.

[Anonymous]

By the way you describe her, I think she picked up on some of your feelings. I don’t think this is all her, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would stop going to events since we're in the middle of the pandemic and the laughing stock of the world.

Seriously! I had to check the date of the post because I assumed it was old because you are not supposed to be at events!!

Hahaha, I also looked at the date! I was like is this an old thread? How does one even socialize enough to be trash talked about or to even know you're dropped or someone is ignoring you during a pandemic!

[Anonymous]

OP, is there a reason people would be gossiping about you?