A 3rd child in your 40s, would you do it?

[Anonymous]

Selfish and risky. Don’t make them have to worry about wiping their own children’s a**es, let alone yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ten years ago, when I was 44, I would have said, "sure, go for it." But at 54, I gotta say... the 50s ain't for the faint of heart, folks.

I loved my 40s. I felt great, was in great shape, really felt no different than I had in my 30s. But things change in your 50s. No matter how healthy and in shape you are, no matter how well you've taken care of yourself, your joints ache, you strain ligaments at the drop of a hat, you're really tired at the end of a long day. Staying up late when your teens are out at night is hard. Your parents get sick and need help, sometimes lots of it. It's hard to see coming, but it *is* coming. Fifty is not the new 30, lol. Not by a long shot. I felt young for a long time, and inside I still feel young, girlish, like the person I've always been. But in your 50s there is no denying that your body is not young anymore, and anyone who tells you differently is lying.

Is that a reason not to have another child? I dunno. Of course there are many families who have beloved children late in life. My DH is one of them, born when his mother was 42. I'm certainly glad she had him, lol. But I will say that by the time DH was in high school, his parents were kinda done with parenting (they had 3 other children as well). (And they were extremely healthy and hearty into their 80s, and are both still with us, in their late 90s. But still... they were 60 when DH graduated from high school. It's not young, no matter how healthy. )

I had my first when I was 32 and my second at 37. (No fertility issues.) I thought about having a third but DH was ambivalent and financially it would have been a bit of a stretch for us. I always feared that there would come a time when I'd regret that we didn't have a third. But now that my youngest is 17, I have to acknowledge that I feel quite a bit older than I did just 5 years ago, when DC1 was 17, and I think about what it would be like if I had a 13 or 14- year- old ad well... and honestly, I'm glad I don't. JMO.

Thank you for this thtoughtful reply and for sharing your experience in detail.

[Anonymous]

Am 57 with an 11 and 13 year old.

Go for it. I am not any more tired. I am in better shape than in my 40s (want to set a good example). Work is very flexible and secure.

You can do it! I worry you will regret it. Seems like you want another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Selfish and risky. Don’t make them have to worry about wiping their own children’s a**es, let alone yours.

This. The day I toured my college with my sister to show her around is the day we had to find out our father had a heart attack.

No one seems to think about aging, and yes kids will be adults by that time but they’re young adults.

Just please have a great support system for them and yourself.

[Anonymous]

Get a puppy first.

See if you still want to go through the waking throughout the night, potty training, hypervigilance to keep house 'baby'proofed, etc.

I wanted a third, we got a dog and then a puppy. I'm so happy with my pets and would never have survived baby, toddlerhood, adolescence, puberty, teen years in another human child all over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my husband and doctor said go for it I’d do it. But a lingering question is I wouldn’t be an empty nester until I was 60 and I’d still be paying for college until I was almost 65. It would be nice to be done with college costs at 55 so we could really enjoy life.

+1. 3rd was an accident and divorced when he was 3. As a divorced parent with 3 kids and youngest will be in school when I’m in my 60s. I’m hardly prime dating material

[Anonymous]

I never wanted a third child at any age. But if you are seriously thinking about it and your youngest child is only 3, it doesn't seem like such a crazy idea. It would seem crazier to me if you had two high school kids.

(When I was 43, my kids were 18 and 14 and I was dreaming of an empty nest, not a baby).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is this thing called a pandemic. Remember when people freaked out about Zika? That was junk science. This? Is real and a threat to Moms and babies.

Do tell: How was Zika junk science?