A 3rd child in your 40s, would you do it?
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Anonymous
| Nope. I'm almost 40 with a 10 month old second baby and so tired. But I also work full bore and enjoy it. |
Anonymous
| No, I don’t want to be in my 60’s with a kid graduating HS. |
Anonymous
Ummm..not typical. |
Anonymous
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We did and have loved it. Older kids like having a little to take care of, even now with 24/7 family. Going from 4-5 seems bigger change and I think the kids like outnumbering the adults.
We both work so life is hectic and I do worry about living long enough to get them grown. |
Anonymous
| Depends on your age, OP. Had my first at almost 43 and second at almost 45. No fertility drugs, etc. No regrets. |
Anonymous
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I wish I had 4 kids, I have two. It was a dream to have 4 kids. No, I am not some crazy baby mom, I am totally not even into toddlers too much. Sometimes we have some ideal idea of how many kids we want. I stuck with two. When I had a scare at 45 that I was pregnant, I had this utterly sick feeling of OMG, I do not want this. I am done with this and I am too old for this. DH, who wanted 2 kids, was all like "one more kid, how lovely!" I was mad at him, cause when I wanted more kids, he was absolutely not! Jerk. I can tell from my reaction that I was done at this point with kids, it was mortifying and an as if my life was over feeling.My kids were teens at this point, so not the same as you.
If you feel the opposite, that you absolutely want it and the idea brings you joy and happiness, why not? We are all different, we all want different things. What is my idea of perfect is not yours. I am much more tired than before approaching 50, I don't have the energy for many things. I am working on my grad degree now and very content seeing my kids become adults. You do what you and your dh feel is right for you. |
Anonymous
| My mother had my youngest brother (her 4th child) when she was 45. I was 20 when he was born. She had plenty of energy to raise him. He is 28 now and she still has plenty of energy. Go for it, OP. |
Anonymous
+1 Some of these posts make it seem like 40 and beyond is old and worn out. |
Anonymous
That’s silly. The birth rate is dropping in this country world wide. Even if she has three those averages are still low enough that population is declining. |
Anonymous
Off topic slightly, but Zika was not at all junk science. What on earth are you talking about? Haven't you read about and seen pictures of the microcephalic babies? Babies with congenital Zika syndrome have profound development delays, epilepsy, cardiomyopathy, dysphagia, and more. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5795516/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7201309/ What the outcome might be for prenatal infection with covid-19 is up in the air although there have been cases of in utero transmission. Personally I would not want to risk it. More generally, OP, I'll be 52 in a couple of months and my youngest is 12. She wasn't quite planned. While I'm super happy she is part of our family, the fatigue factor of being older parents is real, at least in our experience. Also -- the teenage years have been emotionally exhausting, even though all three are great kids. Our middle child, who was an awesome elementary school aged kid, extroverted, happy, seemingly bulletproof. She is now struggling with anxiety and depression to the point she was hospitalized for two weeks at the start of the lockdown for suicidal ideation, and is still in a partial hospitalization program. Our oldest had some ADHD-type issues that were a struggle to diagnose and figure out appropriate interventions for. And overall we are facing twelve straight years of kids in college, with two years of two overlapping kids, which is quite the financial challenge. This is all to say -- your kids are young, and in many ways these are likely the easy years if you have kids without physical or emotional or learning challenges. You can't assume it's always going to be that way, and you have to think ahead to your future self and what you and your spouse are equipped for. |
Anonymous
It's not, but your body does start to change. At 41, I have to spend more time and effort exercising, eating well, and caring for my body than when I was in my mid 30s. I struggle with insomnia, and having two kids under 5 doesn't help. 40s is also when many find themselves caring for aging parents and entering perimenopause. There's also the juggling of 3 kids to consider, which would wear out anybody at any age. |
Anonymous
The US has the biggest carbon footprint but not the biggest population: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/06/01/climate/us-biggest-carbon-polluter-in-history-will-it-walk-away-from-the-paris-climate-deal.html The birth rate doesn’t matter. Op has two healthy kids. Advanced maternal age, greater risk of autism or Down syndrome, plus a pandemic. So if I were op, i’d count my blessings and be satisfied with 2. |
Anonymous
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I had my last at 43 (planned) and my other kids are much older. She's 5 now and the light of our lives! It's a joy and we have fun.
In your position OP, being home already, it could go really well. I had already took a break in employment with the older kids and had gone back to work a decade before the youngest's birth, so I knew I would always work with this child. But my parents are retired now and love to spend time with her (and my grown/near grown kids) so between them and the kids, she always has family watching her. I do get more tired! but so do my friends my age who don't have 5 year olds-I'd rather be tired with my little girl than not have her at all. |
Anonymous
| NO |
Anonymous
| I would not, but we barely saved for two in-state tuition, paid house and saved for retirement. The third child will be financial burden. In addition, I am enjoying a freedom in my 40s with one kid in high school and one in college. I would never give this up. |