A 3rd child in your 40s, would you do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very early 40s is different from mid or late 40s. I might be okay with 40-42 but anything beyond that is frankly playing with fire.

OP here. I just turned 43. Fertility not an issue in my family. We are pro-choice and would probably terminate if there are chromosomal abnormalities.

ick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very early 40s is different from mid or late 40s. I might be okay with 40-42 but anything beyond that is frankly playing with fire.

OP here. I just turned 43. Fertility not an issue in my family. We are pro-choice and would probably terminate if there are chromosomal abnormalities.

The chances that fertility is not an issue for you personally at 43 are very, very low.

[Anonymous]

Do you want more than 2 kids? I have two that are total handfuls and absolutely do not want another. I also don't think my body could handle it, frankly, but that's specific to me.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this isn’t the advice you’re looking for but my parents adopted the 3 of us in their 50’s and my dad had enough energy to power a train.

Do it OP. 40s is “nothing.”

We were all pretty happy, considering.

[Anonymous]

God no.

[Anonymous]

OP it’s an anonymous forum but my answer “no way”. Three can be awkward number when you travel but the real issue is having a child in ES in your 50s and college in your 60s. Health issues can pop up for anyone in the family and extended family. And the new child. It’s a risk and not one you can back away from. Cherish the ones you have. And give your maternal instincts to another cause.

[Anonymous]

Although our grandparents had kids in their 40s it was also not surprising to be pretty feeble at 60+ and to die before age 70. The healthiest most active old people I know had their kids young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother had my youngest brother (her 4th child) when she was 45. I was 20 when he was born. She had plenty of energy to raise him. He is 28 now and she still has plenty of energy. Go for it, OP.

+1

Some of these posts make it seem like 40 and beyond is old and worn out.

I am 40 and while I wouldn’t say I am beyond old and worn out, I do get tired more easily now. I walk 7 miles a day so I am in good shape physically. But I want to be in bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10:30 with no one waking me up in the middle of the night. Let alone multiple times.

[Anonymous]

My husband's aunt and uncle had a surprise 3rd baby in their early 40s. She ended up healthy and is now a seemingly happy college kid.

[Anonymous]

Late 40s is kicking my a—- in a way I did not expect. It’s a big change from early 40s
Also agree that teens are really tough—my oldest are teens.
Fwiw, i had my last at 39 and my mom had me in her 40s. But I was a pretty easy kid and my mom was very hands off by then.
PS to PP about child mortality, for most of the 20th c, the Us had really good infant survival rates, and very low birth control rates. I don’t think the pill was widely used by married women until the 80s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is this thing called a pandemic. Remember when people freaked out about Zika? That was junk science. This? Is real and a threat to Moms and babies.

Lol I totally would have written this. Back when people freaked out about Zika I was skeptical. This time, I am not. COVID would not be fun pregnant.

[Anonymous]

If everything is going well in your life, please don't rock the boat by rolling the dice.

We have relatives who pursued their 3rd kid. Wife had to stay home with all 3. H had a major health issue and lost his job. Now they're really struggling. Things went from rosy to not on a dime.

You said you're pro-choice, as if life would be that simple. Many issues may not be apparent until after the child is born. Then what?

[Anonymous]

It would be the crippling night times that stopped me and did actually stop me from having a 3rd in my 40s. I had 1st at 37, 2nd at 38 and we considered a 3rd until I was about 44 and then were like - ok, no, we're not BURNING to have that 3rd one, let's leave it. I'm now 51 and quite tired anyway.

[Anonymous]

Ten years ago, when I was 44, I would have said, "sure, go for it." But at 54, I gotta say... the 50s ain't for the faint of heart, folks.

I loved my 40s. I felt great, was in great shape, really felt no different than I had in my 30s. But things change in your 50s. No matter how healthy and in shape you are, no matter how well you've taken care of yourself, your joints ache, you strain ligaments at the drop of a hat, you're really tired at the end of a long day. Staying up late when your teens are out at night is hard. Your parents get sick and need help, sometimes lots of it. It's hard to see coming, but it *is* coming. Fifty is not the new 30, lol. Not by a long shot. I felt young for a long time, and inside I still feel young, girlish, like the person I've always been. But in your 50s there is no denying that your body is not young anymore, and anyone who tells you differently is lying.

Is that a reason not to have another child? I dunno. Of course there are many families who have beloved children late in life. My DH is one of them, born when his mother was 42. I'm certainly glad she had him, lol. But I will say that by the time DH was in high school, his parents were kinda done with parenting (they had 3 other children as well). (And they were extremely healthy and hearty into their 80s, and are both still with us, in their late 90s. But still... they were 60 when DH graduated from high school. It's not young, no matter how healthy. )

I had my first when I was 32 and my second at 37. (No fertility issues.) I thought about having a third but DH was ambivalent and financially it would have been a bit of a stretch for us. I always feared that there would come a time when I'd regret that we didn't have a third. But now that my youngest is 17, I have to acknowledge that I feel quite a bit older than I did just 5 years ago, when DC1 was 17, and I think about what it would be like if I had a 13 or 14- year- old ad well... and honestly, I'm glad I don't. JMO.

[Anonymous]

We had a third child in our mid-40s. Had two older children who I had in my late 30s, so they were in grade school, but just barely.

The first couple years were easy. I am one of those people who gets really energized while pregnant and nursing and so I felt great. I exercised and ate well and had a super easy delivery and first couple years.

Then DC3 turned out to be a terrible sleeper, didn't sleep through the whole night until almost 4. has some temperament issues--nothing serious, but more anger control problems and much more physical (biting, hitting, throwing)expressions than our prior kids. And suddenly, after turning 50, I find that I am stiff whenever I have sat down more than an hour, I can't get up off the floor easily, my knees ache all the time. Both parents, who had me late, and who were very healthy until their late 70s, helped a lot with first two kids, are now debilitated by chronic health conditions, and one is in the late stages of dementia. So that is a lot of work for us too.

we had hoped and prayed for a third, DC3 just came a lot later than we had expected. And having a third has totally changed our older two, for the better. But PPs are right that after 50 you can start to feel a lot older fast...and we are still in the early stages. I plan to retire before DC finishes high school. That will be really weird, being with parents who are 20 years younger.