The house is SHARED SPACE SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you not have a shared calendar that the family sits down and negotiated over the winter holidays just before camp sign ups start?

Also you are the ridiculous ones who don’t plan your summer in advance. It’s not your house alone to just show up when you feel like it. Maybe BIL is not aggressive as much as he is sick of waiting around for your passive aggressive family to make up their minds or say what they want. You snooze you lose OP.

This.

Your family deserves all the drama it gets if you can’t even develop a calendar for equitable use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
They didn’t even ask before showing up. Yes, we were slow on the uptake if weeks (we are busy) but who just shows up at a shared property for two weeks and then sends pictures bragging about amazing it is. It is shared space and they should have at least sent a text or email asking if it was cool
For their family to use the property.

You don’t have the backstory. BIL is historically and categorically aggressive over the shared property. He acts and thinks of it as his own private home. Is it too much to ask that he and his family give a heads up to siblings before they go em masse?

It’s not passive aggressive. It’s aggressive. He wants the property and he is squatting. [/quote

dp Well if he owns it too it isn't squatting. Now if it is August and they are still there I would agree with you Just tell them now when you want to be there

[Anonymous]

Have your husband make a calendar and tell brother you l’d like to start filling it out 3-6 months in advance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You said your husband would have loved.to be there right now. So why didn't he say something weeks ago? Or was he also just planning to go down without clearing it.

Exactly this. So you’re basically mad that you BIL/SIL did exactly what you were going to do, they just did it first.

+1

It's 2 weeks. They are not moving in, so chill OP. Just pick a different time and figure out a calendar system.

[Anonymous]

So you were not there, you did not plan to use it and they went there and did not find your already there? But, you are mad they did not inform you that they were going? Sounds to me like you are mad that you didn't do it to them first.

[Anonymous]

So you didn't tell you family that you were making plans to stay in the property, but you are mad that they were making plans to stay in the property and didn't tell you? So you are just mad that they beat you to it? Cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BIL is historically and categorically aggressive over the shared property. He acts and thinks of it as his own private home.

So you had forewarning that the previous non-system wasn't working for you? Then you should definitely have had a scheduling method in place for this summer when the whole country's summer plans were cancelled and everyone who shares the property would want a chance in it.

[Anonymous]

Google Calendar with color coded weeks set out well in advance is the only way to make it work. I split a condo, and we come to an agreement on the times we want, and how many weeks we are renting it out to cover expenses, well in advance. No one can squat when your weeks are already blocked off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
They didn’t even ask before showing up. Yes, we were slow on the uptake if weeks (we are busy) but who just shows up at a shared property for two weeks and then sends pictures bragging about amazing it is. It is shared space and they should have at least sent a text or email asking if it was cool
For their family to use the property.

You don’t have the backstory. BIL is historically and categorically aggressive over the shared property. He acts and thinks of it as his own private home. Is it too much to ask that he and his family give a heads up to siblings before they go em masse?

It’s not passive aggressive. It’s aggressive. He wants the property and he is squatting.

You need to ask him to buy you out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
They didn’t even ask before showing up. Yes, we were slow on the uptake if weeks (we are busy) but who just shows up at a shared property for two weeks and then sends pictures bragging about amazing it is. It is shared space and they should have at least sent a text or email asking if it was cool
For their family to use the property.

You don’t have the backstory. BIL is historically and categorically aggressive over the shared property. He acts and thinks of it as his own private home. Is it too much to ask that he and his family give a heads up to siblings before they go em masse?

It’s not passive aggressive. It’s aggressive. He wants the property and he is squatting.

But they're there for only two weeks. Am I missing something that you can't go other than those exact two weeks that they decided to go?

[Anonymous]

OP, how would you have responded if they had voiced their desired dates in advance? I have a feeling this would have resulted in passive-aggressive exchanges and bickering.

Also, how is it relevant to this situation that your BIL is a teacher?

[Anonymous]

Op you are insecure. The picture seems harmless. If you arent using the place what is the big deal. Why should you bil have to ask permission for something he owns? Same with you. In 12 weeks of summer what is the liklihood that you will want to be there at the same time? If it's high make a calendar.

[Anonymous]

OP, your husband needs to grow some courage. He apparently cares a great deal about the property, as does his brother who is more demonstrative and perhaps aggressive about it. What are the future plans for this property? I doubt it can go on like it is now, unless someone takes the lead and demands a more fair and equitable plan. My guess is your BIL hopes and plans to buy out the other siblings at some point so that he can alone own it.

[Anonymous]

Parents need to be more thoughtful about their instructions and intentions when they leave behind desirable property like this. They do their children no favors when they don't try and think ahead about how these situations play out without specific instructions.

[Anonymous]

Why is only SIL derided in the title?