The house is SHARED SPACE SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
They didn’t even ask before showing up. Yes, we were slow on the uptake if weeks (we are busy) but who just shows up at a shared property for two weeks and then sends pictures bragging about amazing it is. It is shared space and they should have at least sent a text or email asking if it was cool
For their family to use the property.

You don’t have the backstory. BIL is historically and categorically aggressive over the shared property. He acts and thinks of it as his own private home. Is it too much to ask that he and his family give a heads up to siblings before they go em masse?

It’s not passive aggressive. It’s aggressive. He wants the property and he is squatting.

He's not squatting. You're ridiculous. But I can see that you're also a person who will not accept any answer that doesn't agree with you. Your lucky children

[Anonymous]

How do you not have a shared calendar that the family sits down and negotiated over the winter holidays just before camp sign ups start?

[Anonymous]

Your husband is at fault for not insisting on making a schedule or some sort of system to share the house.

[Anonymous]

Wait how did 2 weeks turn into squatting? I'm so confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you not have a shared calendar that the family sits down and negotiated over the winter holidays just before camp sign ups start?

Also you are the ridiculous ones who don’t plan your summer in advance. It’s not your house alone to just show up when you feel like it. Maybe BIL is not aggressive as much as he is sick of waiting around for your passive aggressive family to make up their minds or say what they want. You snooze you lose OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait how did 2 weeks turn into squatting? I'm so confused.

+1.

Also, OF COURSE we don’t have the backstory. You didn’t provide it and, just a heads up, DCUM readers aren’t psychic. You still sound ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
They didn’t even ask before showing up. Yes, we were slow on the uptake if weeks (we are busy) but who just shows up at a shared property for two weeks and then sends pictures bragging about amazing it is. It is shared space and they should have at least sent a text or email asking if it was cool
For their family to use the property.

You don’t have the backstory. BIL is historically and categorically aggressive over the shared property. He acts and thinks of it as his own private home. Is it too much to ask that he and his family give a heads up to siblings before they go em masse?

It’s not passive aggressive. It’s aggressive. He wants the property and he is squatting.

You misunderstood. You and your husband are the ones who are passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

They need to have a calendar and a set up of who can use it when. Every other week? Every month per family? If someone wants to switch, they need to ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you not have a shared calendar that the family sits down and negotiated over the winter holidays just before camp sign ups start?

This.

Extended families who communicate well might not need this, but if there's contention between siblings like your DH and his brother, why not have a publicly posted calendar where people sign up ahead of time to avoid miscommunications and toe-stepping? Set some basic rules such as a maximum length of stay, and maximum number of weeks per season, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
They didn’t even ask before showing up. Yes, we were slow on the uptake if weeks (we are busy) but who just shows up at a shared property for two weeks and then sends pictures bragging about amazing it is. It is shared space and they should have at least sent a text or email asking if it was cool
For their family to use the property.

You don’t have the backstory. BIL is historically and categorically aggressive over the shared property. He acts and thinks of it as his own private home. Is it too much to ask that he and his family give a heads up to siblings before they go em masse?

It’s not passive aggressive. It’s aggressive. He wants the property and he is squatting.

I'm a PP. So you didn't tell them because you're busy, but they're not busy and had plenty of time to tell you? You don't get to decide how busy they are. Your own husband should have addressed this a month+ ago. Your problem is him. Focus on that.

[Anonymous]

You honestly sound batshit crazy. Step back and re read what you wrote. I’d understand if they said they were moving in for the summer but just going for two weeks? You clearly weren’t even there nor were you planning on it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you not have a shared calendar that the family sits down and negotiated over the winter holidays just before camp sign ups start?

This.

Extended families who communicate well might not need this, but if there's contention between siblings like your DH and his brother, why not have a publicly posted calendar where people sign up ahead of time to avoid miscommunications and toe-stepping? Set some basic rules such as a maximum length of stay, and maximum number of weeks per season, etc.

This.

Plus, who pays for taxes and upkeep? Is there a mortgage?

[Anonymous]

"Jointly Owned Property" --- this never goes well

The specific issues, Op, are unimportant. If it wasn't this issue, it would be something else

It will be never ending until one or both of you sell. Most people value their relationship more than property, and sell to avoid the relationship going downhill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
They didn’t even ask before showing up. Yes, we were slow on the uptake if weeks (we are busy) but who just shows up at a shared property for two weeks and then sends pictures bragging about amazing it is. It is shared space and they should have at least sent a text or email asking if it was cool
For their family to use the property.

You don’t have the backstory. BIL is historically and categorically aggressive over the shared property. He acts and thinks of it as his own private home. Is it too much to ask that he and his family give a heads up to siblings before they go em masse?

It’s not passive aggressive. It’s aggressive. He wants the property and he is squatting.

Oh honey, bless your heart!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
They didn’t even ask before showing up. Yes, we were slow on the uptake if weeks (we are busy) but who just shows up at a shared property for two weeks and then sends pictures bragging about amazing it is. It is shared space and they should have at least sent a text or email asking if it was cool
For their family to use the property.

You don’t have the backstory. BIL is historically and categorically aggressive over the shared property. He acts and thinks of it as his own private home. Is it too much to ask that he and his family give a heads up to siblings before they go em masse?

It’s not passive aggressive. It’s aggressive. He wants the property and he is squatting.

Still do not get it. If you found out when you saw the pictures you had no plans to go. One of you needs to tell the other family that you want to make a schedule....or agree to give each other notice. If you know they like to take it over, then be more aggressive in setting rules.