Is this fixable (getting out of a bad relationship pattern)?

[Anonymous]

OP - when you find the right guy who is interested in being in a mature relationship - it will be easy. Not saying that there won't be challenges, but you won't be sitting there all weekend scratching your head, wondering if you misunderstood or misinterpreted your text messages, or if maybe he's in a ditch somewhere... He will call when he says he will call, he will show up when he says he will, and he will let you know immediately if he can't. That's how mature people treat other people in their lives, regardless of being in a relationship or just being friends. For whatever reason, this guy isn't able to do that - I agree with the PP above who pointed out how easy it would have been for him to say "Kayaking plans fell through, I'm headed out to go camping this weekend. I'll call you on Tuesday." This would still be crappy behavior, but at least he's communicating and not leaving you hanging. Move on. You can do better.

[Anonymous]

You say you are trying to grow when it comes to relationships.

Staying in a relationship with someone who cares about you less than you care about him is not growth. It's kind of the opposite of growth. You're not bettering yourself, and it's unlikely the relationship is going to get better from here. This is likely who he is.

So what if you're back where you were six months ago? Six months ago you were probably fine. Single is fine. I'm single, and I don't have to plan my time around someone who would rather be camping alone.

Don't stick with this guy just because sh*t is weird right now and it's hard to find someone else. Dump his ass, and when things go back to semi-normal, get back out there and see if you can find someone who is excited to make plans with you and actually keep them.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I wanted to thank those of you who provided me with some pretty thoughtful and informative responses. Some of you really nailed it! He definitely has attachment issues. He also loves me and has been sincere about wanting to do things differently. But he doesn’t seem to have it in him. I’ve never been with someone like this before, which made me pretty confused about what was going on (there were some pretty great things with us, too, or I would have ended it long ago!). I’m moving on, I will be fine, no worries about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to thank those of you who provided me with some pretty thoughtful and informative responses. Some of you really nailed it! He definitely has attachment issues. He also loves me and has been sincere about wanting to do things differently. But he doesn’t seem to have it in him. I’ve never been with someone like this before, which made me pretty confused about what was going on (there were some pretty great things with us, too, or I would have ended it long ago!). I’m moving on, I will be fine, no worries about me.

Thank you for the update, OP.

Honestly I am envious of you that you had the insight and strength to do this. I married a man with these attachment issues. He really loves me but he's hot/cold, even years in, therapy, and living together with kids. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have married him.

[Anonymous]

End it.

[Anonymous]

Good girl, OP! Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP.