Is A Second Baby Shower Tacky?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Under most circumstances, yes.

There are exceptions.

What is the situation here, OP?

OP here. I was going to add more details earlier but I got busy. A friend of my had a huge baby shower for her first child ( a boy). She is having a girl in the fall and her mom planned a baby shower for her in July. They canceled it but sent out emails telling people where to send the gift. They got many items and rally don’t need any big ticket items, but she is asking for everything in pink. Her cheapest item is $200. My husband said not to send her anything. They are both doctors and can afford to get these items.

My husband and I have one toddler boy and plan to get pregnant later this year. I would never think to have another baby shower, even if I have a girl. I purposely got everything in neutral colors. I probably will send her a gift but I think it’s really tacky.

Your friends are really tacky. A family member should never throw a shower either.

What? Baby showers are usually thrown by the expecting mothers mom.

Not in polite society.

Oh please. Not until I was an adult and started getting invited to American showers did I realize not everyone has family do it. It is absolutely normal in my cultural community so I'll just stick with our impolite society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never heard of this rule. This sounds crazy to me. Why not celebrate a second child like the first? How rude to the second baby!

I come from a culture where we don’t have baby showers at all so this whole thing is mysterious. I think all showers are tacky but if you have one why not two?

Because you already have baby supplies from the first baby.

You don't need a crib, a glider, a breast pump, bottles, blankets. You have that already.

And if you chose to get everything in "gender-specific" colors, then that's on you. Your lack of foresight is not your friends' problem.

When I had my second DCUM scared the crap out of me for having a second baby shower. But what I really wanted was just to have a nice lunch and tea with my close girlfriends. I’m not being snarky, but what would you call that? All I wanted before number 2 was a nice day out but I was worried about what to call it and be labeled at DCUM trash.

You call it " How about lunch at ________ on (date,).

You are not supposed to throw your own shower. Your friends or family should be throwing you a shower/sprinkle.

In my friend circle, we always get together for a sprinkle before a baby is born. This group of friends all met when we had one baby so we didn’t attend one another’s original baby showers. Sometimes someone hosts in their home. Other times we go out for brunch or afternoon tea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Under most circumstances, yes.

There are exceptions.

What is the situation here, OP?

OP here. I was going to add more details earlier but I got busy. A friend of my had a huge baby shower for her first child ( a boy). She is having a girl in the fall and her mom planned a baby shower for her in July. They canceled it but sent out emails telling people where to send the gift. They got many items and rally don’t need any big ticket items, but she is asking for everything in pink. Her cheapest item is $200. My husband said not to send her anything. They are both doctors and can afford to get these items.

My husband and I have one toddler boy and plan to get pregnant later this year. I would never think to have another baby shower, even if I have a girl. I purposely got everything in neutral colors. I probably will send her a gift but I think it’s really tacky.

Your friends are really tacky. A family member should never throw a shower either.

What? Baby showers are usually thrown by the expecting mothers mom.

Not in polite society.

Oh please. Not until I was an adult and started getting invited to American showers did I realize not everyone has family do it. It is absolutely normal in my cultural community so I'll just stick with our impolite society.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. In the US it is considered extremely rude and tacky for the gift recipient or a relative of (mother, sister, etc.) to throw the shower.

[Anonymous]

I don't have the hard-core hate for showers for later kids that many do but I think it's incredibly distasteful to set up a registry for ANY event where the cheapest item is $200. I was always told to make sure you have a wide range of prices so that people don't feel like they have to spend more than they're comfortable with in order to participate/attend.

The shower you've described is pretty tacky, OP. But I don't think that all showers/sprinkles are necessarily verboten.

[Anonymous]

Yes

[Anonymous]

My friends and coworkers threw me a small sprinkle for my second, which I was not expecting at all. It was really sweet but I would never have asked for it or looked for it in any way. At the same time, the people throwing it would have been hurt if I said no because of a fear of being “tacky.”

[Anonymous]

Oh, just read the OP update. Yeah, that IS tacky!

[Anonymous]

The fact that you are asking speaks volumes and something tells me you already know the answer to that especially with the virus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Under most circumstances, yes.

There are exceptions.

What is the situation here, OP?

OP here. I was going to add more details earlier but I got busy. A friend of my had a huge baby shower for her first child ( a boy). She is having a girl in the fall and her mom planned a baby shower for her in July. They canceled it but sent out emails telling people where to send the gift. They got many items and rally don’t need any big ticket items, but she is asking for everything in pink. Her cheapest item is $200. My husband said not to send her anything. They are both doctors and can afford to get these items.

My husband and I have one toddler boy and plan to get pregnant later this year. I would never think to have another baby shower, even if I have a girl. I purposely got everything in neutral colors. I probably will send her a gift but I think it’s really tacky.

This is very tacky. I would do what I do for all the friends that are having subsequent babies: Send something handmade. I sew a little and will make packs of bibs in fun vintage fabrics. If I'm not up to it, I use Etsy. I've sent wooden toys from Vermont, cashmere baby hats from Italy, homemade soft dolls. I keep it under $50. Obviously not registry items, but special. I'm not buying the double BOB stroller for someone's second child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have the hard-core hate for showers for later kids that many do but I think it's incredibly distasteful to set up a registry for ANY event where the cheapest item is $200. I was always told to make sure you have a wide range of prices so that people don't feel like they have to spend more than they're comfortable with in order to participate/attend.

The shower you've described is pretty tacky, OP. But I don't think that all showers/sprinkles are necessarily verboten.

This exactly. I like second baby showers as an excuse to get together with friends.

But making a registry for it seems tacky, and having the cheapest item at $200 is ridiculous. Maybe sending out the registry with the invite was a mistake?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s the two physician couple thing, but this reminds me of something that happened here. I want to think the best of people, but some people are are just themselves.
I live in the Midwest, and there was a natural disaster here. A lot of people lost their homes, farmers lost their crops, etc. My husband’s boss lived on a lake, and her house was flooded. The insurance covered most of it, but all of her children’s toys were destroyed. One of his co-workers put together a collection to buy groceries (in $200-300 amounts), and to replace toys. We ended up buying her son a new $200 LEGO set. The whole thing made me sick.

Ok. Now that I told that story, I am going to hop on amazon and send that same cool LEGO set to the DV shelter around here. We have been sending snacks and things, but those kids have to be bored out of their minds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Under most circumstances, yes.

There are exceptions.

What is the situation here, OP?

OP here. I was going to add more details earlier but I got busy. A friend of my had a huge baby shower for her first child ( a boy). She is having a girl in the fall and her mom planned a baby shower for her in July. They canceled it but sent out emails telling people where to send the gift. They got many items and rally don’t need any big ticket items, but she is asking for everything in pink. Her cheapest item is $200. My husband said not to send her anything. They are both doctors and can afford to get these items.

My husband and I have one toddler boy and plan to get pregnant later this year. I would never think to have another baby shower, even if I have a girl. I purposely got everything in neutral colors. I probably will send her a gift but I think it’s really tacky.

Your friends are really tacky. A family member should never throw a shower either.

Showers should never be thrown by a family member of the Mom. Tacky.

What? Baby showers are usually thrown by the expecting mothers mom.

Not in polite society.

Oh please. Not until I was an adult and started getting invited to American showers did I realize not everyone has family do it. It is absolutely normal in my cultural community so I'll just stick with our impolite society.

[Anonymous]

I hate baby showers. I've never been to a single one that was not tacky and treated the mother like a child. I chose to not have a baby shower for that reason. Just a ridiculous spectacle, honestly.

I love babies and I love my friends, but don't do showers even though I will send a gift once the baby is born -- usually a spa gift card for the mother. A second shower is beyond ridiculous unless it is for a poor mother who can't even afford necessities; that type of situation I always give to wholeheartedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate baby showers. I've never been to a single one that was not tacky and treated the mother like a child. I chose to not have a baby shower for that reason. Just a ridiculous spectacle, honestly.

I love babies and I love my friends, but don't do showers even though I will send a gift once the baby is born -- usually a spa gift card for the mother. A second shower is beyond ridiculous unless it is for a poor mother who can't even afford necessities; that type of situation I always give to wholeheartedly.

+1, I also really dislike baby showers and while I have gone to many (and always sent a gift if I couldn't or didn't go) I did not have one myself and would definitely never ever have one for a second child (in my circle of friends, no one I know did even a sprinkle for second babies; at most, maybe they did a small lunch with friends before the baby's birth). Second child showers are considered verboten in my crowd.

[Anonymous]

I'm from a Midwestern working class family. I'd say in my circles, everyone has a 1st baby shower. Some have a 2nd shower, but not everyone. Most showers are thrown by friends/family together. Like a mother, mother in law and best friends pitching in together to host, decorate, make food.... Whatever is fine with me but if you think it's tacky, don't go and don't send a gift.