DH talks multiple times a day to a woman he used to work with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing that the speaking with you there just reflects his own self deception and denial/desire to rationalize it as simply a friendship. (Similar to poster who said her husband integrated AP her into family as a "friend"). It's like two parallel tracks travelling at the same time, his budding involvement with her and his relationship with you. They are kept separate even to him on some psychological level, until of course they collide. Then it is chaos and wreckage and he cries. Ask me how I know.

I'm the PP, and yes. I feel like this post should go in the "mindset of a cheater" thread because it is so true. There's a the "separate track" phenomenon and also just a shocking failure to think about consequences or engage in any forward planning at all.

When my ex finally did the one last thing that basically forced me to give up marriage counseling and trying to save the marriage, I kept asking, "What did you think was going to happen?" and he kept saying, "I didn't really think about it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
But it's valid. OP's husband is having an affair. OP is letting it continue because she fears the consequences of confronting her husband and putting her foot down.

I don't think the "putting her foot down" is fair. She doesn't control what her spouse does. There's obviously a problem in the relationship. I agree OP must address it. Although it does not guarantee she'll be able to mend it. It could go either way.

"Putting her foot down" doesn't mean telling him what to do or controlling him or even forbidding him from talking to her, like he's a naughty child. It means her setting a boundary and saying, "I am not ok with the relationship you have with your former colleague. I feel that it is hurting our marriage and I would like you to take a step back." And then not backing down and accepting any excuse he comes up with (and he is going to have lots of excuses).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s not a work thing.

++1000

[Anonymous]

this is such a troll post ... and all the local idiots fell for it.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, but he’s f@cking her. Probably not now because of lockdown but definitely during his lunch hour.

What he’s doing is so unhealthy to your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Decide whether you can live with your Dh romancing another woman. If that’s a dealbreaker, it’s time for a come to Jesus meeting. It really is that simple.

I’m 2 years out from exactly the same situation. It was painful, but he made his choice and I’ve healed. He didn’t go be with her, she was just the gateway to a midlife crisis lifestyle that allows him to live as though he never had a family.