DH talks multiple times a day to a woman he used to work with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've had more than one "work husband" and we never talked late at night, unless we were working on a deadline or something. Frankly, I always got plenty of them at work. The boundary crossing was always more like, I know his daughter got her period or I know it takes him 20 minutes to poop after breakfast because I was waiting in the hotel lobby and we were late to the meeting. It was never flirty - most business travel is lame. There's nothing romantic about an airport Chili's Too.

Same here. My DH has also had 'work wives' and it's been the same. What you're seeing is out of bounds.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is totally inappropriate and a slippery slope you want to avoid. You need to talk to him. Tell him how it makes you feel - your feelings should trump his friendship. What you describe is an EA and needs to stop.

[Anonymous]

I would call that an affair, “distance” style.

[Anonymous]

I'm the women on the phone in the scenario and this description fits my current situation to a "T"

I have not slept with the husband and don't plan to, although I do like him. I am aware that the wife is extremely insecure and threatened by me, which bothers me because I don't sleep with married men. Her husband does most of the contacting, and I am always the one to end the calls. I believe he is crazy about his wife and is potentially using me to make her jealous. Also, I can tell when she is not around, because the content of the conversation changes.

[Anonymous]

Mine does the same thing except only texting, no actual talking on the phone. He keeps all his electronics on lockdown so it's very difficult for me to prove anything, but he's pretty honest when I ask him directly who he's messaging with and what's being said. We've had conversations about inappropriate relationships with coworkers of the opposite sex. I got in over my head one time, about eight years ago. Even though he's now had several of these inappropriate relationships far more recently, he still uses my one transgression as leverage. (I didn't physically cheat, but close.)

There was one "friendship" he had, maybe a year ago, where I really had enough and told him it had to stop. They were getting together on the weekends, going out for a "late lunch" or some shit -- really over the line He stopped meeting up with her but I think they still occasionally text.

You should tell your husband you don't like it and find it disrespectful and beyond any reasonable boundaries. He may continue and just be more secretive, or he may see your point and dial it back. But it should be a whole conversation...about why he's engaging in this relationship, how he views it, and then how you view it and that you're no longer cool with it. These things only escalate.

[Anonymous]

NP. Wondering if it's an ex-wife who they didn't share children with, does it change things or would most of you still not be okay with it?

Also, what constitutes late-night? 10 PM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the women on the phone in the scenario and this description fits my current situation to a "T"

I have not slept with the husband and don't plan to, although I do like him. I am aware that the wife is extremely insecure and threatened by me, which bothers me because I don't sleep with married men. Her husband does most of the contacting, and I am always the one to end the calls. I believe he is crazy about his wife and is potentially using me to make her jealous. Also, I can tell when she is not around, because the content of the conversation changes.

Why are you participating in it? What's going on in your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the women on the phone in the scenario and this description fits my current situation to a "T"

I have not slept with the husband and don't plan to, although I do like him. I am aware that the wife is extremely insecure and threatened by me, which bothers me because I don't sleep with married men. Her husband does most of the contacting, and I am always the one to end the calls. I believe he is crazy about his wife and is potentially using me to make her jealous. Also, I can tell when she is not around, because the content of the conversation changes.

So what, exactly, are you getting from this relationship? You have no intention of sleeping with him AND you suspect he is only using you to make his wife jealous: is this just an ego thing for you? I think you should get some self respect and start putting energy into a relationship that is going somewhere, with someone who is not using you to make someone else insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honey, ramp up your bedroom game. Stat.

Oh, you think she needs to compete for her husband’s fidelity??? You sure sound messed up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would call that an affair, “distance” style.

+1 This is an emotional affair, at minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honey, ramp up your bedroom game. Stat.

Right? More late night nookie = less late night texting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the women on the phone in the scenario and this description fits my current situation to a "T"

I have not slept with the husband and don't plan to, although I do like him. I am aware that the wife is extremely insecure and threatened by me, which bothers me because I don't sleep with married men. Her husband does most of the contacting, and I am always the one to end the calls. I believe he is crazy about his wife and is potentially using me to make her jealous. Also, I can tell when she is not around, because the content of the conversation changes.

Oh stop. He is calling and texting you because he would like to sleep with you. You are allowing it because you like the attention. You know and understand exactly why the wife is upset. Don’t play dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honey, ramp up your bedroom game. Stat.

Right? More late night nookie = less late night texting

Ew, no. Who wants to eff someone who’s clearly cheating on them? Not to mention the thoroughly cringeworthy “you hang up first” BS. Have some dignity, for Christ’s sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here, and his behavior strikes me as wholly inappropriate, and it seems obvious that, at a minimum, they are having an emotional affair, if not a physical affair.

Not necessarily. He may not have any kind of affair with that particular person. The marriage is done though. Your relationship is over, so there's that.

[Anonymous]

I'm the women on the phone in the scenario and this description fits my current situation to a "T"

I have not slept with the husband and don't plan to, although I do like him. I am aware that the wife is extremely insecure and threatened by me, which bothers me because I don't sleep with married men. Her husband does most of the contacting, and I am always the one to end the calls. I believe he is crazy about his wife and is potentially using me to make her jealous. Also, I can tell when she is not around, because the content of the conversation changes.


Oh stop. He is calling and texting you because he would like to sleep with you. You are allowing it because you like the attention. You know and understand exactly why the wife is upset. Don’t play dumb.

Seriously, why are you participating in this? Obviously, you need the ego strokes. The wife isn’t “insecure” because she is bothered by her husband engaging in clearly inappropriate behavior, she’s smart to recognize the signs of an EA and make efforts to shut it down.