DH talks multiple times a day to a woman he used to work with

[Anonymous]

He's having an emotional affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honey, ramp up your bedroom game. Stat.

Right? More late night nookie = less late night texting

NP. Might work but be careful. This DCUM advice backfired on me as I just ended up inflating his already enormous ego. (And I'm a dw who loves sex, game for new things, initiates, not fat.)

[Anonymous]

Absolutely do not put up with this a minute longer. Grow some confidence and tell him it’s not appropriate and he is spending his energy and time on another woman to the detriment of your marriage. He needs to cut it off (no contact) or prepare to divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely do not put up with this a minute longer. Grow some confidence and tell him it’s not appropriate and he is spending his energy and time on another woman to the detriment of your marriage. He needs to cut it off (no contact) or prepare to divorce.

I will also add..step up your game. Get in shape, haircut, plan many outings with your friends (virtual) for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the women on the phone in the scenario and this description fits my current situation to a "T"

I have not slept with the husband and don't plan to, although I do like him. I am aware that the wife is extremely insecure and threatened by me, which bothers me because I don't sleep with married men. Her husband does most of the contacting, and I am always the one to end the calls. I believe he is crazy about his wife and is potentially using me to make her jealous. Also, I can tell when she is not around, because the content of the conversation changes.

He intentionally makes his wife jealous, you’re actively participating in it, and you wonder why she’s insecure and feels threatened by you?

You are a threat. Even if you wouldn’t sleep with him, you’re fine with participating in abusive behavior (yes, flirting with women to manipulate her IS abuse).

Keep doing it if you want- you’re not the one who is married to her- but don’t kid yourself that you’re a decent human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely do not put up with this a minute longer. Grow some confidence and tell him it’s not appropriate and he is spending his energy and time on another woman to the detriment of your marriage. He needs to cut it off (no contact) or prepare to divorce.

I will also add..step up your game. Get in shape, haircut, plan many outings with your friends (virtual) for now.

I agree, but this should be done despite her marriage. What an A-hole, esp during these times. She needs to leave.

[Anonymous]

Shut it down now!!’

[Anonymous]

He's probably justifying this emotional affair by "being open" with you about it. But it is inappropriate.

Who knows how far it is gone, but based now what you described, it's exceeded the realm of just friendship and is flirty and frequent. This is dangerous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the women on the phone in the scenario and this description fits my current situation to a "T"

I have not slept with the husband and don't plan to, although I do like him. I am aware that the wife is extremely insecure and threatened by me, which bothers me because I don't sleep with married men. Her husband does most of the contacting, and I am always the one to end the calls. I believe he is crazy about his wife and is potentially using me to make her jealous. Also, I can tell when she is not around, because the content of the conversation changes.

Yes, it is probably true he is using you...as a distraction, ego boost, balm for boredom, depression, emptiness, whatever. The wife is not wrong however, all of his motivators can do a lot of damage to anything good they have built. If it was not you, it would be someone else. Can"t you find something else to do? Good Lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's probably justifying this emotional affair by "being open" with you about it. But it is inappropriate.

Who knows how far it is gone, but based now what you described, it's exceeded the realm of just friendship and is flirty and frequent. This is dangerous.

NP. See the bolded statement above, OP. This is what he's thinking.

Be prepared for him to try to blow this back onto you when -- not "if" but WHEN -- you talk to him like an adult and point out that this contact is inappropriate.

He's very likely to come back at you with, "But I am not hiding anything. You hear us on the phone. I don't duck out and call her, you know she's my friend and that's all. I'm open and honest. Why can't you accept that a man can have a woman friend? What is wrong with you that you are so suspicious of me when I am open about this?" And so on. He'll say he's hurt that you don't trust him because, he's open! He's angry that you suspect him because, he's right there in the house with you when they talk! And so on. Be ready for all this, OP. Think now about what you want to respond to him. I seriously would script it out in advance, how you will bring it all up, what you will say to point out the inappropriateness, how you will respond to his comments and criticisms and defenses, and finally, what you want as the next step from him.

You will have to prepare in order to stay calm and cool. If you get emotional he will turn that against you too -- accuse you of being hysterical, overreacting etc. Especially because he's not (probalby not) doing anything physical, and many people figure if the affair isn't physical, it isn't an affair.

Oh, and the "you hang up, no, YOU hang up" giggly stuff is so juvenile I can't even process it. Is he immature in other aspects of life as well? If so, and if he tends to be defensive in general -- yeah, he's going to protest hard that because he's "open" about the calls you have zero right to find them a problem. Just be ready for that.

[Anonymous]

I would not be ok with that AT ALL.

[Anonymous]

My ex did that and now hes my ex. I filed for divorce , met someone new and am waaaay better off. Its very damaging emotionally to live with that

[Anonymous]

Have you talked with him?

I think you should approach the topic with how it makes you feel and that you two should do/talk more to connect.

Don’t approach the topic with accusations like you’re having an affair, that will put him on the defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honey, ramp up your bedroom game. Stat.

This is good advice. And after you drain him, tell him his flirting with her is inappropriate. Once he realizes what he has to lose he will make the right choice

[Anonymous]

OP, grow a set and tell him its her or you. Be prepared to walk if nothing changes, don’t be weak and stand for this BS.