Dating as a single mom

[Anonymous]

^^for you. Neither one of you represent all men. But of course, you both represent at least one man!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced at age 35 when my daughter was a baby. Adopted another child and was a single mom with two (young) kids by age 37. I am very average looking. Financially sound.

I found online dating to be a real boon because any potential dates knew your situation right off the bat so avoided situations where the potential date was not OK with a single mom etc.

I dated from the time my kids were babies (including while going through the adoption). I found lots of great men that were fine with the situation-- and were flexible with my schedule (especially with early dates being weekday lunch dates or around my preferred babysitter's schedule etc.). Some of the men had kids, plenty were childless.

I found the hardest years to date were when my kids were tweens/young teens. They need a lot of driving around at that age, they sleep less, are nosier and more generally aware so more explanations are needed but they are not yet mature enough to really "understand."

The only real tough time I had dating was when I had put on some significant weight.... As soon as I took that back off, I had plenty of dating opportunities.

Good luck! Congrats from getting out of a bad situation. I never regretted my choice to divorce or my adoption or being a mom first or dating while being a single mom.

I find this very interesting. I’m really curious though. I know quite a few single moms and many of them say they get a lot of interest from childless men. Most of them ended marrying childless men.

It makes me wonder why a childless man would consider a single mom. Because a single mom usually has kids and that’s a lot of responsibility. Also, what makes him choose a single mom over a childless woman?

I’m not hating on single mom’s. I’m just curious as to how they get dates from childless men. I know plenty of childless men who outright refuse to marry single moms and have a negative attitude towards them. They refer to them as baggage. But I haven’t really come across childless men who willingly date single moms.

If you or any PP were single moms and received interest from childless men, I’m just curious to how these men were like and what were there reasons in not minding to peruse you when they had other options?

I'm the poster above who had no issues getting dates with a single mom including childless guys. I totally get some guys see kids as "baggage." I think it helped that I don't have any drama with my ex-husband. I think it also helps that I'm not looking for financial help.

One childless guy that I dated (didn't go anywhere but we stayed friends) told me that he liked the idea that if something worked out with a single mom he gets a "built in" family. A lot of the childless guys seem to have always wanted to get married and have kids but for one reason or another didn't so they seemed to have found a single mom to be a bit of a "second chance" to get the whole package.

The guy I am currently in a serious relationship never had kids and definitely sees my kids as a "bonus," not a detriment. Sure-- he doesn't always get the "drama" of kids and how much of a time suck they can be but all-in-all, he enjoys the kids being in his life.

I am also pleasantly surprised that the families of these childless men also welcome my kids and there has never been an issue like "what is my son/brother/nephew doing with a woman that has kids??"

[Anonymous]

Similar situation. Divorced with kids 4 & 6.

Meet dates during lunch. If they pass screen after several dates, invite them over after kids sleep, usually around 9 PM. They stay over a couple of hours.

Keep garage door open so they can come in directly without neighbors knowing about different men coming over at night.

I have a nanny so that helps a lot. Having lot more sex than in my college days.

[taketothebank]

I posted this response on the "Divorced Moms dating in their 40s" thread as well.

I am a 55 YO divorced father and have enjoyed dating single moms in their late 40s and early 50s.

They are usually in one of two groups:

Only looking to date - Most women in this group had younger children (e.g., kids from 7th to 10th grade) and were not looking for an LTR. Instead, they wanted a steady guy for the days when they did not have physical custody. They were tremendous fun and, by far and away, the most adventurous lovers since they wanted to make the most of the time they had when their kids were not around.

Looking for an LTR - Most women in this group and older children (e.g., kids who could drive or were in college). They had fewer restrictions on their time since, even when the kids were with them, the kids could drive themselves to their events.

I think that the women who were only looking to date would be open to LTRs once their kids were out of the house, but they did not want to add the complexity of a step-parent when their kids were close (i.e., less than five years) to leaving for college.

[Anonymous]

I dated a single mom (40's), she was determined and put out immediately. We're still together after 3 years

[Anonymous]

I remember a friend sending this to me, and me breaking down into tears. Fast forward 3 years, I had hear near exact story. Don't settle! It doesn't matter what it means to others, it matters what it means to you.

I have a beautiful, handsome, intelligent, 6ft+, healthy/athletic, eternally single bachelor type, that kept his eyes on me. Sometimes, people are watching when you don't know it. Karma is real!! I always tell him, he is my karma. Stay faithful

[Anonymous]

Childless man here. Women are not commodities. The reality for most of us is, if we are into you, we do not care about your circumstances.

We don't care about your job. We don't care about your kids. We don't care about your master's degree.

We care about YOU. DCUM will say I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm a man, but it's the truth.

Ladies, find this man's number. Because almost no other man agrees with him. I'm a PP who was a temporary single dad. I wish everyone had an equal chance in dating, but it's just not true. Replace this guy's words with, "We don't care if you're short," "We don't care if you're bald,", "We don't care if you can get an erection." Because that's the magnitude of importance for a woman with kids. He IS correct about job and masters degree. 99% of men couldn't care less about your employment status or education. It's all about physical attractiveness, meshing of personalities, and NO BAGGAGE (baggage could include psych problems, family problems, KIDS, etc.)

The question, as always, is "care about... for what?"

A man who is looking for a ONS or FWB will not care about your job, kids, education, only about your physical attractiveness. In that scenario, looks are necessary and sufficient.

A man who is looking for an LTR or marriage will care about your job, kids, and education - at least, if he has any sense at all - because he will not want to get saddled with a trashy gold-digger no matter how hot she is. He will still require physical attractiveness - however, in this scenario, looks are necessary but not sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Childless man here. Women are not commodities. The reality for most of us is, if we are into you, we do not care about your circumstances.

We don't care about your job. We don't care about your kids. We don't care about your master's degree.

We care about YOU. DCUM will say I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm a man, but it's the truth.

Ladies, find this man's number. Because almost no other man agrees with him. I'm a PP who was a temporary single dad. I wish everyone had an equal chance in dating, but it's just not true. Replace this guy's words with, "We don't care if you're short," "We don't care if you're bald,", "We don't care if you can get an erection." Because that's the magnitude of importance for a woman with kids. He IS correct about job and masters degree. 99% of men couldn't care less about your employment status or education. It's all about physical attractiveness, meshing of personalities, and NO BAGGAGE (baggage could include psych problems, family problems, KIDS, etc.)

The question, as always, is "care about... for what?"

A man who is looking for a ONS or FWB will not care about your job, kids, education, only about your physical attractiveness. In that scenario, looks are necessary and sufficient.

A man who is looking for an LTR or marriage will care about your job, kids, and education - at least, if he has any sense at all - because he will not want to get saddled with a trashy gold-digger no matter how hot she is. He will still require physical attractiveness - however, in this scenario, looks are necessary but not sufficient.

You are the only one assuming people make the choice based on looks alone. I have a wonderful male friend who was a total catch. He fell head over heels for a widow with 4 kids that he ran with. They're married and he has adopted them as his own.

"Baggage" comes in many forms - not just parental status. Some of us would rather have a healthy partner with a child, debt, or a divorce, than a resume perfect partner that is an asshole with you will never have a fulfilling partnership with . It is fine if you don't want to have someone with baggage. That is your right. You would be settling. That doesn't mean others that accept what you view as baggage are settling.

[Anonymous]

TAke your time and let yourself heal. You may even need some counseling with verbal and mental abuse. It does its damage. Would you consider that? You want to go into a new relationship some day as a filled cup, running over not a half filled cup, needy and dependent. Focus on that sweet baby and do some self care. Im so sorry you are going thru this but I will tell you that my son married a single mom with 2 little girls. He loved the kids right off the bat and children were never an issue. They have gone on to have 2 more girls! So there are guys out there that will date and marry a single mom. At the right time.........

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating as a single Mom with full custody has not been easy for me. I am a firm believer of keeping my dating life and kids separate...this makes dating much different. In addition, the logistics are difficult and your availability is limited. You’ll need to arrange and pay for a sitter for every date .... there is zero spontaneity. You’ll feel guilty if you go out too much so once a week is about it. There is also no sleeping over at either place ...which can be frustrating for guys and yourself. You’ll be better off dating divorced men with kids because they’ll understand your unavailability.

Unfortunately, I don't think many divorced men with kids are interested in a single mom. It's hard to date as a single dad, but when I was a single dad, single moms were a hard pass for me. It's kind of like how 2s want to date badly, but they want to date 6s or 8s. Not other 2s. And no 6 or 8 wants to date a 2.

You get the award for stupidest post ever. Congrats!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating as a single Mom with full custody has not been easy for me. I am a firm believer of keeping my dating life and kids separate...this makes dating much different. In addition, the logistics are difficult and your availability is limited. You’ll need to arrange and pay for a sitter for every date .... there is zero spontaneity. You’ll feel guilty if you go out too much so once a week is about it. There is also no sleeping over at either place ...which can be frustrating for guys and yourself. You’ll be better off dating divorced men with kids because they’ll understand your unavailability.

Unfortunately, I don't think many divorced men with kids are interested in a single mom. It's hard to date as a single dad, but when I was a single dad, single moms were a hard pass for me. It's kind of like how 2s want to date badly, but they want to date 6s or 8s. Not other 2s. And no 6 or 8 wants to dat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Childless man here. Women are not commodities. The reality for most of us is, if we are into you, we do not care about your circumstances.

We don't care about your job. We don't care about your kids. We don't care about your master's degree.

We care about YOU. DCUM will say I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm a man, but it's the truth.

Ladies, find this man's number. Because almost no other man agrees with him. I'm a PP who was a temporary single dad. I wish everyone had an equal chance in dating, but it's just not true. Replace this guy's words with, "We don't care if you're short," "We don't care if you're bald,", "We don't care if you can get an erection." Because that's the magnitude of importance for a woman with kids. He IS correct about job and masters degree. 99% of men couldn't care less about your employment status or education. It's all about physical attractiveness, meshing of personalities, and NO BAGGAGE (baggage could include psych problems, family problems, KIDS, etc.)

The question, as always, is "care about... for what?"

A man who is looking for a ONS or FWB will not care about your job, kids, education, only about your physical attractiveness. In that scenario, looks are necessary and sufficient.

A man who is looking for an LTR or marriage will care about your job, kids, and education - at least, if he has any sense at all - because he will not want to get saddled with a trashy gold-digger no matter how hot she is. He will still require physical attractiveness - however, in this scenario, looks are necessary but not sufficient.

You are the only one assuming people make the choice based on looks alone. I have a wonderful male friend who was a total catch. He fell head over heels for a widow with 4 kids that he ran with. They're married and he has adopted them as his own.

Your reading comprehension is poor. Look at the bolded section again. It says, very clearly, that men looking for an LTR or marriage do not just care about looks. And your example of a "wonderful male friend" supports exactly that point. He obviously liked that widow for more than just looks.

[Anonymous]

OP - I am 28, and I would date a single mom. You having a child doesn't affect my interest one bit. Personality and character are more important, to me at least.

[Anonymous]

40 years old man with two kids here, dated a single mom with thee kids...marrying this year.

We both enjoying having all kids every other weekend and being with no kids every other weekend as well. It can work...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:40 years old man with two kids here, dated a single mom with thee kids...marrying this year.

We both enjoying having all kids every other weekend and being with no kids every other weekend as well. It can work...

Number one thing I do not want to do to my kids is move them in with step-siblings. Forget that Brady Bunch nonsense.

Five kids... how many bedrooms does your house have?