Dating as a single mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you will have a lot of money to hire help, you'll be too tired and too busy to date. Problem solved. I have a 14 yr old 24/7 and I don't have much time for dating. It is relentless.

I agree! To spend $60+ on a babysitter and go on a first date with someone you end up not liking is painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be separated, with a one year old, and while dating right now is NOT on my radar, it crossed my mind today. Very VERY happy and feel empowered to be leaving my verbally and emotionally abusive husband. I emotionally left the relationship a few months ago, though.

I’m 34, and haven’t dated in 10 years (when I met my STBX). And now add a child to that mix....what the hell is it like out there? Plus, I’ll be having the baby full-time (though have help). Are there childless guys that don’t mind dating a single mom?! Just curious...would be totally open to dating other single dads, but to be completely honest, I would love another kid in the future.

Hell No. I'd NEVER date a single mom. Just too much baggage. So, no. You would not be on my list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Is she getting a divorce? They're not even separated. One step at a time.

The OP said:

while dating right now is NOT on my radar, it crossed my mind today

The OP asked for input on how other single moms found dating post-separation. The statement "One step at a time" implies that the OP should separate first and then consider dating.

This is bad advice.

The OP should gather as much information as she can on every aspect of how her life might be impacted by the separation and then make decisions based on the best input she receives.

A much better response is: 1) gather information (about dating, finances, legal help); 2) consider it carefully; 3) plan your next step; and 4) take the step. Why would she wait until she is separated to gather information?

I'm the quoted PP. My take on it is that she is leaving an allegedly abusive husband, so yes, finances, legal help, etc., all of that should be considered, but future dating prospects shouldn't be a factor.

[Anonymous]

I divorced at age 35 when my daughter was a baby. Adopted another child and was a single mom with two (young) kids by age 37. I am very average looking. Financially sound.

I found online dating to be a real boon because any potential dates knew your situation right off the bat so avoided situations where the potential date was not OK with a single mom etc.

I dated from the time my kids were babies (including while going through the adoption). I found lots of great men that were fine with the situation-- and were flexible with my schedule (especially with early dates being weekday lunch dates or around my preferred babysitter's schedule etc.). Some of the men had kids, plenty were childless.

I found the hardest years to date were when my kids were tweens/young teens. They need a lot of driving around at that age, they sleep less, are nosier and more generally aware so more explanations are needed but they are not yet mature enough to really "understand."

The only real tough time I had dating was when I had put on some significant weight.... As soon as I took that back off, I had plenty of dating opportunities.

Good luck! Congrats from getting out of a bad situation. I never regretted my choice to divorce or my adoption or being a mom first or dating while being a single mom.

[Anonymous]

why are you thinking only about childless guys? you significantly limit your pool. Single dads on the other hand, much better chances that you find someone who gets your lifestyle/constraints/priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:why are you thinking only about childless guys? you significantly limit your pool. Single dads on the other hand, much better chances that you find someone who gets your lifestyle/constraints/priorities.

Why are they thinking about you? Probably they're up for a ONS or FWB, but get married again, nah forget it.

[Anonymous]

I'm the quoted PP. My take on it is that she is leaving an allegedly abusive husband, so yes, finances, legal help, etc., all of that should be considered, but future dating prospects shouldn't be a factor.

My understanding from the OP's first post is that she is going to separate from her husband. If she has made this decision, then she has considered whatever factors she believed she needed to consider.

Now that she is moving forward with a plan to separate, it makes perfect sense to consider future dating prospects even if she is waiting on putting any plans into action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I became a single mom I made the decision not to "date" until I was an empty nester which was about five years after my divorce. Dating with teenagers under roof felt very complicated to me for many reasons. But I was lucky to meet a nice single dad who felt the same way and for a few years we had a very nice FWB-type relationship. We never really socialized with others but we would do couples things every 2-3 weeks and that almost always included sex. Eventually he was transferred to another city and that ended it but it was very nice.

This feels like the dream scenario. I'm a single mom and I have no desire at this point to deal with all of the complexities of trying to have a romantic relationship but maybe someday when I have the time. But I'd love to have nice guy to hand out with every once in awhile and sex would definitely be part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I became a single mom I made the decision not to "date" until I was an empty nester which was about five years after my divorce. Dating with teenagers under roof felt very complicated to me for many reasons. But I was lucky to meet a nice single dad who felt the same way and for a few years we had a very nice FWB-type relationship. We never really socialized with others but we would do couples things every 2-3 weeks and that almost always included sex. Eventually he was transferred to another city and that ended it but it was very nice.

This feels like the dream scenario. I'm a single mom and I have no desire at this point to deal with all of the complexities of trying to have a romantic relationship but maybe someday when I have the time. But I'd love to have nice guy to hand out with every once in awhile and sex would definitely be part of it.

^^ "hang", not "hand"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I divorced at age 35 when my daughter was a baby. Adopted another child and was a single mom with two (young) kids by age 37. I am very average looking. Financially sound.

I found online dating to be a real boon because any potential dates knew your situation right off the bat so avoided situations where the potential date was not OK with a single mom etc.

I dated from the time my kids were babies (including while going through the adoption). I found lots of great men that were fine with the situation-- and were flexible with my schedule (especially with early dates being weekday lunch dates or around my preferred babysitter's schedule etc.). Some of the men had kids, plenty were childless.

I found the hardest years to date were when my kids were tweens/young teens. They need a lot of driving around at that age, they sleep less, are nosier and more generally aware so more explanations are needed but they are not yet mature enough to really "understand."

The only real tough time I had dating was when I had put on some significant weight.... As soon as I took that back off, I had plenty of dating opportunities.

Good luck! Congrats from getting out of a bad situation. I never regretted my choice to divorce or my adoption or being a mom first or dating while being a single mom.

I find this very interesting. I’m really curious though. I know quite a few single moms and many of them say they get a lot of interest from childless men. Most of them ended marrying childless men.

It makes me wonder why a childless man would consider a single mom. Because a single mom usually has kids and that’s a lot of responsibility. Also, what makes him choose a single mom over a childless woman?

I’m not hating on single mom’s. I’m just curious as to how they get dates from childless men. I know plenty of childless men who outright refuse to marry single moms and have a negative attitude towards them. They refer to them as baggage. But I haven’t really come across childless men who willingly date single moms.

If you or any PP were single moms and received interest from childless men, I’m just curious to how these men were like and what were there reasons in not minding to peruse you when they had other options?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced at age 35 when my daughter was a baby. Adopted another child and was a single mom with two (young) kids by age 37. I am very average looking. Financially sound.

I found online dating to be a real boon because any potential dates knew your situation right off the bat so avoided situations where the potential date was not OK with a single mom etc.

I dated from the time my kids were babies (including while going through the adoption). I found lots of great men that were fine with the situation-- and were flexible with my schedule (especially with early dates being weekday lunch dates or around my preferred babysitter's schedule etc.). Some of the men had kids, plenty were childless.

I found the hardest years to date were when my kids were tweens/young teens. They need a lot of driving around at that age, they sleep less, are nosier and more generally aware so more explanations are needed but they are not yet mature enough to really "understand."

The only real tough time I had dating was when I had put on some significant weight.... As soon as I took that back off, I had plenty of dating opportunities.

Good luck! Congrats from getting out of a bad situation. I never regretted my choice to divorce or my adoption or being a mom first or dating while being a single mom.

I find this very interesting. I’m really curious though. I know quite a few single moms and many of them say they get a lot of interest from childless men. Most of them ended marrying childless men.

It makes me wonder why a childless man would consider a single mom. Because a single mom usually has kids and that’s a lot of responsibility. Also, what makes him choose a single mom over a childless woman?

I’m not hating on single mom’s. I’m just curious as to how they get dates from childless men. I know plenty of childless men who outright refuse to marry single moms and have a negative attitude towards them. They refer to them as baggage. But I haven’t really come across childless men who willingly date single moms.

If you or any PP were single moms and received interest from childless men, I’m just curious to how these men were like and what were there reasons in not minding to peruse you when they had other options?

Childless man here. Women are not commodities. The reality for most of us is, if we are into you, we do not care about your circumstances.

We don't care about your job. We don't care about your kids. We don't care about your master's degree.

We care about YOU. DCUM will say I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm a man, but it's the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced at age 35 when my daughter was a baby. Adopted another child and was a single mom with two (young) kids by age 37. I am very average looking. Financially sound.

I found online dating to be a real boon because any potential dates knew your situation right off the bat so avoided situations where the potential date was not OK with a single mom etc.

I dated from the time my kids were babies (including while going through the adoption). I found lots of great men that were fine with the situation-- and were flexible with my schedule (especially with early dates being weekday lunch dates or around my preferred babysitter's schedule etc.). Some of the men had kids, plenty were childless.

I found the hardest years to date were when my kids were tweens/young teens. They need a lot of driving around at that age, they sleep less, are nosier and more generally aware so more explanations are needed but they are not yet mature enough to really "understand."

The only real tough time I had dating was when I had put on some significant weight.... As soon as I took that back off, I had plenty of dating opportunities.

Good luck! Congrats from getting out of a bad situation. I never regretted my choice to divorce or my adoption or being a mom first or dating while being a single mom.

I find this very interesting. I’m really curious though. I know quite a few single moms and many of them say they get a lot of interest from childless men. Most of them ended marrying childless men.

It makes me wonder why a childless man would consider a single mom. Because a single mom usually has kids and that’s a lot of responsibility. Also, what makes him choose a single mom over a childless woman?

I’m not hating on single mom’s. I’m just curious as to how they get dates from childless men. I know plenty of childless men who outright refuse to marry single moms and have a negative attitude towards them. They refer to them as baggage. But I haven’t really come across childless men who willingly date single moms.

If you or any PP were single moms and received interest from childless men, I’m just curious to how these men were like and what were there reasons in not minding to peruse you when they had other options?

Childless man here. Women are not commodities. The reality for most of us is, if we are into you, we do not care about your circumstances.

We don't care about your job. We don't care about your kids. We don't care about your master's degree.

We care about YOU. DCUM will say I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm a man, but it's the truth.

That was refreshing to hear. I was the PP who asked this question. I get annoyed when people refer to single moms as baggage. If anything, they are really strong women who make lots of sacrifices.

Many always say that single moms should only date single dad’s. However, in reality many childless men choose to date single moms. At the end of the day, it’s not so black and white. If a man like a woman, he will accept and be accommodating to her circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced at age 35 when my daughter was a baby. Adopted another child and was a single mom with two (young) kids by age 37. I am very average looking. Financially sound.

I found online dating to be a real boon because any potential dates knew your situation right off the bat so avoided situations where the potential date was not OK with a single mom etc.

I dated from the time my kids were babies (including while going through the adoption). I found lots of great men that were fine with the situation-- and were flexible with my schedule (especially with early dates being weekday lunch dates or around my preferred babysitter's schedule etc.). Some of the men had kids, plenty were childless.

I found the hardest years to date were when my kids were tweens/young teens. They need a lot of driving around at that age, they sleep less, are nosier and more generally aware so more explanations are needed but they are not yet mature enough to really "understand."

The only real tough time I had dating was when I had put on some significant weight.... As soon as I took that back off, I had plenty of dating opportunities.

Good luck! Congrats from getting out of a bad situation. I never regretted my choice to divorce or my adoption or being a mom first or dating while being a single mom.

I find this very interesting. I’m really curious though. I know quite a few single moms and many of them say they get a lot of interest from childless men. Most of them ended marrying childless men.

It makes me wonder why a childless man would consider a single mom. Because a single mom usually has kids and that’s a lot of responsibility. Also, what makes him choose a single mom over a childless woman?

I’m not hating on single mom’s. I’m just curious as to how they get dates from childless men. I know plenty of childless men who outright refuse to marry single moms and have a negative attitude towards them. They refer to them as baggage. But I haven’t really come across childless men who willingly date single moms.

If you or any PP were single moms and received interest from childless men, I’m just curious to how these men were like and what were there reasons in not minding to peruse you when they had other options?

That’s easy. They get kids and financial responsibility. Win win

[Anonymous]

That’s easy. They get kids and NO financial responsibility. Win win

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I divorced at age 35 when my daughter was a baby. Adopted another child and was a single mom with two (young) kids by age 37. I am very average looking. Financially sound.

I found online dating to be a real boon because any potential dates knew your situation right off the bat so avoided situations where the potential date was not OK with a single mom etc.

I dated from the time my kids were babies (including while going through the adoption). I found lots of great men that were fine with the situation-- and were flexible with my schedule (especially with early dates being weekday lunch dates or around my preferred babysitter's schedule etc.). Some of the men had kids, plenty were childless.

I found the hardest years to date were when my kids were tweens/young teens. They need a lot of driving around at that age, they sleep less, are nosier and more generally aware so more explanations are needed but they are not yet mature enough to really "understand."

The only real tough time I had dating was when I had put on some significant weight.... As soon as I took that back off, I had plenty of dating opportunities.

Good luck! Congrats from getting out of a bad situation. I never regretted my choice to divorce or my adoption or being a mom first or dating while being a single mom.

I find this very interesting. I’m really curious though. I know quite a few single moms and many of them say they get a lot of interest from childless men. Most of them ended marrying childless men.

It makes me wonder why a childless man would consider a single mom. Because a single mom usually has kids and that’s a lot of responsibility. Also, what makes him choose a single mom over a childless woman?

I’m not hating on single mom’s. I’m just curious as to how they get dates from childless men. I know plenty of childless men who outright refuse to marry single moms and have a negative attitude towards them. They refer to them as baggage. But I haven’t really come across childless men who willingly date single moms.

If you or any PP were single moms and received interest from childless men, I’m just curious to how these men were like and what were there reasons in not minding to peruse you when they had other options?

Childless man here. Women are not commodities. The reality for most of us is, if we are into you, we do not care about your circumstances.

We don't care about your job. We don't care about your kids. We don't care about your master's degree.

We care about YOU. DCUM will say I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm a man, but it's the truth.

Ladies, find this man's number. Because almost no other man agrees with him. I'm a PP who was a temporary single dad. I wish everyone had an equal chance in dating, but it's just not true. Replace this guy's words with, "We don't care if you're short," "We don't care if you're bald,", "We don't care if you can get an erection." Because that's the magnitude of importance for a woman with kids. He IS correct about job and masters degree. 99% of men couldn't care less about your employment status or education. It's all about physical attractiveness, meshing of personalities, and NO BAGGAGE (baggage could include psych problems, family problems, KIDS, etc.)