Dating as a single mom

[Anonymous]

Soon to be separated, with a one year old, and while dating right now is NOT on my radar, it crossed my mind today. Very VERY happy and feel empowered to be leaving my verbally and emotionally abusive husband. I emotionally left the relationship a few months ago, though.

I’m 34, and haven’t dated in 10 years (when I met my STBX). And now add a child to that mix....what the hell is it like out there? Plus, I’ll be having the baby full-time (though have help). Are there childless guys that don’t mind dating a single mom?! Just curious...would be totally open to dating other single dads, but to be completely honest, I would love another kid in the future.

[Anonymous]

Wait and heal.

[Anonymous]

You’ll be fine!!! I divorced with two young kids in my 40s and I’m fine. You date differently. That’s all.

[Anonymous]

You’re in your prime, I’m pretty sure there's plenty of guys out there willing to date you. However, I think you should give it’s time before your back in the dating scene.

Verbal abuse is terrible, it messes with your self worth.
You need to be confident and have a positive sense of worth before dating and starting a new relationship. Therapy and time is the best healer.

If you don’t mind me asking, how bad was the emotional abuse? How frequent was it?

[Anonymous]

It all depends on you and who you choose To date.

Some men will not date you because you have a baby, some will because they think single moms are desperate, some will not care at all because all they want is to pump and dump, some are decent human beings but you won’t be attracted to them or them to you.

You could also strike gold and find “the one” early on. Who knows what will happen but it’ll all depend on how you handle yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait and heal.

My plan, and focus on my baby. Just looking ahead and genuinely curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re in your prime, I’m pretty sure there's plenty of guys out there willing to date you. However, I think you should give it’s time before your back in the dating scene.

Verbal abuse is terrible, it messes with your self worth.
You need to be confident and have a positive sense of worth before dating and starting a new relationship. Therapy and time is the best healer.

If you don’t mind me asking, how bad was the emotional abuse? How frequent was it?

It got worse in the past year, REALLY escalated after baby. It was name calling, “f*ck you” at the top of his lungs while I was holding baby, f*ck off, to insulting my mom- emotionally abusing me by gaslighting, blocking me on his phone etc. he was abused growing up and I think something with the baby maybe triggered him. Again, I’m not even really all sad about it- I’m not the type to cry when this happens, but stand up for myself. Newish mom, awesome baby, we can’t deal with this behavior. He needs to get out and get help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be separated, with a one year old, and while dating right now is NOT on my radar, it crossed my mind today. Very VERY happy and feel empowered to be leaving my verbally and emotionally abusive husband. I emotionally left the relationship a few months ago, though.

I’m 34, and haven’t dated in 10 years (when I met my STBX). And now add a child to that mix....what the hell is it like out there? Plus, I’ll be having the baby full-time (though have help). Are there childless guys that don’t mind dating a single mom?! Just curious...would be totally open to dating other single dads, but to be completely honest, I would love another kid in the future.

What makes you confident about that?

[Anonymous]

You do realize you have a long time ahead of you before dating if you aren’t even separated yet. It will probably be over a yr or maybe two before your divorce is final.

Try not to think about dating. Even thinking about it can lead you to rushing into it too soon. Get your divorce, live independently awhile, then take a look at what is out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be separated, with a one year old, and while dating right now is NOT on my radar, it crossed my mind today. Very VERY happy and feel empowered to be leaving my verbally and emotionally abusive husband. I emotionally left the relationship a few months ago, though.

I’m 34, and haven’t dated in 10 years (when I met my STBX). And now add a child to that mix....what the hell is it like out there? Plus, I’ll be having the baby full-time (though have help). Are there childless guys that don’t mind dating a single mom?! Just curious...would be totally open to dating other single dads, but to be completely honest, I would love another kid in the future.

What makes you confident about that?

Bc he has told me plain and simple he doesn’t want physical custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do realize you have a long time ahead of you before dating if you aren’t even separated yet. It will probably be over a yr or maybe two before your divorce is final.

Try not to think about dating. Even thinking about it can lead you to rushing into it too soon. Get your divorce, live independently awhile, then take a look at what is out there.

Yes, I do. I plan on just focusing on my baby, getting therapy for myself and adjust to being on my own, though right now I feel like a married single mom anyway. Was JUST wondering people....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re in your prime, I’m pretty sure there's plenty of guys out there willing to date you. However, I think you should give it’s time before your back in the dating scene.

Verbal abuse is terrible, it messes with your self worth.
You need to be confident and have a positive sense of worth before dating and starting a new relationship. Therapy and time is the best healer.

If you don’t mind me asking, how bad was the emotional abuse? How frequent was it?

It got worse in the past year, REALLY escalated after baby. It was name calling, “f*ck you” at the top of his lungs while I was holding baby, f*ck off, to insulting my mom- emotionally abusing me by gaslighting, blocking me on his phone etc. he was abused growing up and I think something with the baby maybe triggered him. Again, I’m not even really all sad about it- I’m not the type to cry when this happens, but stand up for myself. Newish mom, awesome baby, we can’t deal with this behavior. He needs to get out and get help.

That’s horrible. You’re very strong for getting out and protecting your baby from his abuse. Wish you the best for the future.

[Anonymous]

This board is not the place for single moms, overall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re in your prime, I’m pretty sure there's plenty of guys out there willing to date you. However, I think you should give it’s time before your back in the dating scene.

Verbal abuse is terrible, it messes with your self worth.
You need to be confident and have a positive sense of worth before dating and starting a new relationship. Therapy and time is the best healer.

If you don’t mind me asking, how bad was the emotional abuse? How frequent was it?

It got worse in the past year, REALLY escalated after baby. It was name calling, “f*ck you” at the top of his lungs while I was holding baby, f*ck off, to insulting my mom- emotionally abusing me by gaslighting, blocking me on his phone etc. he was abused growing up and I think something with the baby maybe triggered him. Again, I’m not even really all sad about it- I’m not the type to cry when this happens, but stand up for myself. Newish mom, awesome baby, we can’t deal with this behavior. He needs to get out and get help.

That’s horrible. You’re very strong for getting out and protecting your baby from his abuse. Wish you the best for the future.

Thanks. Glad I didn’t get a lecture about how still a two parent household is best. There’s no marriage counseling or self help book for this and absolutely no waiting it out- the sooner the better. We will be fine, we got this! It won’t be easy at times (lucky for me she is a VERY easy baby and rarely stresses me out) but we have lots of friends and an incredibly supportive and available mom and sister to support us. To be honest, I CANT wait for our new life to start with positivity and safety, being without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Soon to be separated, with a one year old, and while dating right now is NOT on my radar, it crossed my mind today. Very VERY happy and feel empowered to be leaving my verbally and emotionally abusive husband. I emotionally left the relationship a few months ago, though.

I’m 34, and haven’t dated in 10 years (when I met my STBX). And now add a child to that mix....what the hell is it like out there? Plus, I’ll be having the baby full-time (though have help). Are there childless guys that don’t mind dating a single mom?! Just curious...would be totally open to dating other single dads, but to be completely honest, I would love another kid in the future.

If you’re healthy, yes. I left in a similar position. Once I was healed - dating single, highly eligible bachelors was not an issue for me. This is assuming you have good things going for you otherwise. It’s not 1923. The president has like 3 baby mommas. Gay men marry and have little kids. No one puts the Scarlett letter on you anymore for having a history. You were married and had a child. Big deal.

It is harder for men to accept a young baby to care for; they’re less intimidated once they are around 5 or 6.