Dating as a single mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating as a single Mom with full custody has not been easy for me. I am a firm believer of keeping my dating life and kids separate...this makes dating much different. In addition, the logistics are difficult and your availability is limited. You’ll need to arrange and pay for a sitter for every date .... there is zero spontaneity. You’ll feel guilty if you go out too much so once a week is about it. There is also no sleeping over at either place ...which can be frustrating for guys and yourself. You’ll be better off dating divorced men with kids because they’ll understand your unavailability.

Unfortunately, I don't think many divorced men with kids are interested in a single mom. It's hard to date as a single dad, but when I was a single dad, single moms were a hard pass for me. It's kind of like how 2s want to date badly, but they want to date 6s or 8s. Not other 2s. And no 6 or 8 wants to date a 2.

HUH??????

Put pps post in the context of “A Perfect 10”

[Anonymous]

“Soon to be separated” and already thinking about dating?

Why shouldn't she think about dating again? It is a great first step to ask questions to help determine what you want and need.

She is getting a divorce and needs to find her way back into the dating world. You have no idea what is best for her to "think".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

“Soon to be separated” and already thinking about dating?

Why shouldn't she think about dating again? It is a great first step to ask questions to help determine what you want and need.

She is getting a divorce and needs to find her way back into the dating world. You have no idea what is best for her to "think".

Is she getting a divorce? They're not even separated. One step at a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

“Soon to be separated” and already thinking about dating?

Why shouldn't she think about dating again? It is a great first step to ask questions to help determine what you want and need.

She is getting a divorce and needs to find her way back into the dating world. You have no idea what is best for her to "think".

Pre-separation I’d be “thinking” about the million challenges associated with separation, divorce and being a single mom with a one year old. Once I had figured most of that out then I’d think about dating.

[Anonymous]

Get divorced first and then worry about it. Having a child is relevant but who you are, what you look like and are you emotionally well grounded post the divorce are the key issues for dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why my remark that the highest-quality childless men will want a childless wife was deleted. You're not helping the OP by preventing her from hearing a realistic perspective.

I disagree. There were very few men I dated that my child was a deal breaker. The two that were, definitely were the worst of the bunch. Very self-centered in the way they discussed their life and themselves. The man I ultimately remarried was literally the nicest man with the biggest heart I have ever dated including from before I had a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why my remark that the highest-quality childless men will want a childless wife was deleted. You're not helping the OP by preventing her from hearing a realistic perspective.

I disagree. There were very few men I dated that my child was a deal breaker. The two that were, definitely were the worst of the bunch. Very self-centered in the way they discussed their life and themselves. The man I ultimately remarried was literally the nicest man with the biggest heart I have ever dated including from before I had a child.

My situation was different in that I was a young widow, but still a single mom, but when I started dating I made it so clear that I was a mom upfront that I never got past date 1 that led to a surprise. It took a while to find a new love but the men I met were very sincere.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,
I see the Crazies have arrived on this thread. I do agree with the posters who said you should take some time and focus on yourself and your child and your healing. Therapy is great, especially after a verbally abusive marriage. Take some time for you, for solidifying your career, for connecting with new/old friends, for taking care of yourself physically like training for a marathon or yoga or whatever.

When you are ready, you will do great. But you need to be ready, emotionally. I'm older than you, but dating was amazing to me because I did a lot of therapy and I waited until I was emotionally healed and healthy. I'm now engaged, after being separated for eight years, divorced for five.

You will probably not need to wait that long. Also, I've found that the best men out there at your age and older are men with kids. Nearly every decent guy out there a little older than you should have at least one kid already. Most of them want to find someone else with a kid who can relate to them, their lives, their priorities.

I've never met a great guy with kids who didn't want to find a great girlfriend with kids. You're going to to great once you're ready. I can also understand you coming here to ask - of course you wonder about your future, about love, etc. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why my remark that the highest-quality childless men will want a childless wife was deleted. You're not helping the OP by preventing her from hearing a realistic perspective.

I disagree. There were very few men I dated that my child was a deal breaker. The two that were, definitely were the worst of the bunch. Very self-centered in the way they discussed their life and themselves. The man I ultimately remarried was literally the nicest man with the biggest heart I have ever dated including from before I had a child.

My situation was different in that I was a young widow, but still a single mom, but when I started dating I made it so clear that I was a mom upfront that I never got past date 1 that led to a surprise. It took a while to find a new love but the men I met were very sincere.

+3, my situation was also similar to first poster.

[Anonymous]

Is she getting a divorce? They're not even separated. One step at a time.

The OP said:

while dating right now is NOT on my radar, it crossed my mind today

The OP asked for input on how other single moms found dating post-separation. The statement "One step at a time" implies that the OP should separate first and then consider dating.

This is bad advice.

The OP should gather as much information as she can on every aspect of how her life might be impacted by the separation and then make decisions based on the best input she receives.

A much better response is: 1) gather information (about dating, finances, legal help); 2) consider it carefully; 3) plan your next step; and 4) take the step. Why would she wait until she is separated to gather information?

[Anonymous]

As a single guy - with a child - I’d be more concerned with someone who was in their 40s or even 30s and didn’t have a child.

Most guys aren’t that stupid and they realize you have a life prior to dating them. Most of the women I’ve dated were mothers and if they weren’t I’d question life choices.

One that note, I dated some younger women in their 20s and it was fun, but nothing I’d introduce to my family. Ritually different wavelengths. Not in the same place in life. And not every mother is looking for an a daddy...most in this area anyways.

You’ll be fine. If you’re in shape, personable, nice and fun to be around you’ll have no problems.

[Anonymous]

When I became a single mom I made the decision not to "date" until I was an empty nester which was about five years after my divorce. Dating with teenagers under roof felt very complicated to me for many reasons. But I was lucky to meet a nice single dad who felt the same way and for a few years we had a very nice FWB-type relationship. We never really socialized with others but we would do couples things every 2-3 weeks and that almost always included sex. Eventually he was transferred to another city and that ended it but it was very nice.

[Anonymous]

Like all dating it mostly comes down to how attractive you are yourself balanced against how picky/selective you are when considering dating others.

[Anonymous]

Unless you will have a lot of money to hire help, you'll be too tired and too busy to date. Problem solved. I have a 14 yr old 24/7 and I don't have much time for dating. It is relentless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating as a single Mom with full custody has not been easy for me. I am a firm believer of keeping my dating life and kids separate...this makes dating much different. In addition, the logistics are difficult and your availability is limited. You’ll need to arrange and pay for a sitter for every date .... there is zero spontaneity. You’ll feel guilty if you go out too much so once a week is about it. There is also no sleeping over at either place ...which can be frustrating for guys and yourself. You’ll be better off dating divorced men with kids because they’ll understand your unavailability.

But how many divorced men have 100% custody. None of the men I dated understood what it meant for me to have a kid all of the time. They wanted someone who could just meet them for drinks and dinner after work.