Tired from travel but DH said my turn for kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll, based on the thread from a month or so ago where it was the dad who travelled. OP probably wants to see if a woman would get the same responses the dad did in the other thread. So far, yes.

Exactly.

Whatever your genitalia, if the other parent has been solo parenting, then when you get back it’s your turn! Only exception is maybe a very short reprieve if you’ve traveled to the other side of the globe.

[Anonymous]

All my trips are to the other side of the globe and I generally step right back in. The Only difference is that I will normally nap the next day due to jet lag but I'm back on for bedtime. Taking care of two kids alone is freaking hard.

It does help me to try to get as much sleep as possible before getting on my flight home, so I try to avoid work dinners, conference calls etc. that night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, man - if your trips are like mine, they are totally exhausting and it takes time to transition back into the home life. I've been on both sides and I honestly don't know what is the answer.

+100

[Anonymous]

If the solo parent for the week works then they should get to tag out immediately. If they are a SAH then they shouldn’t completely check out. They should give the traveling spouse a tiny bit of time to decompress, or at least share the duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the solo parent for the week works then they should get to tag out immediately. If they are a SAH then they shouldn’t completely check out. They should give the traveling spouse a tiny bit of time to decompress, or at least share the duties.

Yeah, no. Flip that. If you’re working out of the home you are getting at least a few child free moments in the day. Working while the other parent is out of the country it’s not easy. I’ve been at home while my husband travels overseas and I’ve worked while he travels. While there is its own set of stressors being the only working parent in the house, not being able to be alone at all as SAHP for days/weeks on end is surreal and exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the solo parent for the week works then they should get to tag out immediately. If they are a SAH then they shouldn’t completely check out. They should give the traveling spouse a tiny bit of time to decompress, or at least share the duties.

Yeah, no. Flip that. If you’re working out of the home you are getting at least a few child free moments in the day. Working while the other parent is out of the country it’s not easy. I’ve been at home while my husband travels overseas and I’ve worked while he travels. While there is its own set of stressors being the only working parent in the house, not being able to be alone at all as SAHP for days/weeks on end is surreal and exhausting.

This. My husband travels for weeks at a time and for a lot of that our child’s sleep sucked - constant night waking, took forever to put to sleep, etc so I was getting by with barely any sleep plus coming down with major illnesses (had the stomach bug so bad once that I couldn’t stand beyond going to the bathroom while still nursing) while having no help caring for our son while he was gone. You better believe I expected him to step up ASAP even with transatlantic + transcontinental travel. He slept uninterrupted for two weeks, was able to go out and socialize, slept in (our son has always been up by 5/6 am), and could have 2 minutes alone to pee without a screaming toddler outside the door. He’s gone out to see movies while on travel.

[Anonymous]

I’ll one up you OP.

Every time my DH comes back from a trip he always wants to have a conversation about he should do less around the house. The latest was after he went to a wedding. I told care of the kids alone for days and he comes home complaining that he needs to sleep and he thinks he does too many chores around the house. I’m starting to daydream about divorce and I’m feeling a lot less generous towards his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the solo parent for the week works then they should get to tag out immediately. If they are a SAH then they shouldn’t completely check out. They should give the traveling spouse a tiny bit of time to decompress, or at least share the duties.

Yeah, no. Flip that. If you’re working out of the home you are getting at least a few child free moments in the day. Working while the other parent is out of the country it’s not easy. I’ve been at home while my husband travels overseas and I’ve worked while he travels. While there is its own set of stressors being the only working parent in the house, not being able to be alone at all as SAHP for days/weeks on end is surreal and exhausting.

This. My husband travels for weeks at a time and for a lot of that our child’s sleep sucked - constant night waking, took forever to put to sleep, etc so I was getting by with barely any sleep plus coming down with major illnesses (had the stomach bug so bad once that I couldn’t stand beyond going to the bathroom while still nursing) while having no help caring for our son while he was gone. You better believe I expected him to step up ASAP even with transatlantic + transcontinental travel. He slept uninterrupted for two weeks, was able to go out and socialize, slept in (our son has always been up by 5/6 am), and could have 2 minutes alone to pee without a screaming toddler outside the door. He’s gone out to see movies while on travel.

Imagine dealing with that AND working. Get it?

I stand by my statement. If you WOH then you have a huge number of additional stressors and things taking up your mental energy. You need that break. If you SAH, unless you’re doing it wrong, you have preschool or gym daycare or nap time to give you a break, or worst case you can hire a babysitter for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the solo parent for the week works then they should get to tag out immediately. If they are a SAH then they shouldn’t completely check out. They should give the traveling spouse a tiny bit of time to decompress, or at least share the duties.

Yeah, no. Flip that. If you’re working out of the home you are getting at least a few child free moments in the day. Working while the other parent is out of the country it’s not easy. I’ve been at home while my husband travels overseas and I’ve worked while he travels. While there is its own set of stressors being the only working parent in the house, not being able to be alone at all as SAHP for days/weeks on end is surreal and exhausting.

This. My husband travels for weeks at a time and for a lot of that our child’s sleep sucked - constant night waking, took forever to put to sleep, etc so I was getting by with barely any sleep plus coming down with major illnesses (had the stomach bug so bad once that I couldn’t stand beyond going to the bathroom while still nursing) while having no help caring for our son while he was gone. You better believe I expected him to step up ASAP even with transatlantic + transcontinental travel. He slept uninterrupted for two weeks, was able to go out and socialize, slept in (our son has always been up by 5/6 am), and could have 2 minutes alone to pee without a screaming toddler outside the door. He’s gone out to see movies while on travel.

Imagine dealing with that AND working. Get it?

I stand by my statement. If you WOH then you have a huge number of additional stressors and things taking up your mental energy. You need that break. If you SAH, unless you’re doing it wrong, you have preschool or gym daycare or nap time to give you a break, or worst case you can hire a babysitter for a few hours.

I understand what the pp above yours is saying.

SAHPs don't generally hire childcare during the day, that's what their job is.

And depending on the age of the child, preschool and gym daycare may not be an option, it isn't always an issue of "not doing it right".

It's the daily grind of not getting a break from childcare that is the issue when the spouse has returned from travel, and working parents do get that break in a say that a SAHP doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the solo parent for the week works then they should get to tag out immediately. If they are a SAH then they shouldn’t completely check out. They should give the traveling spouse a tiny bit of time to decompress, or at least share the duties.

Yeah, no. Flip that. If you’re working out of the home you are getting at least a few child free moments in the day. Working while the other parent is out of the country it’s not easy. I’ve been at home while my husband travels overseas and I’ve worked while he travels. While there is its own set of stressors being the only working parent in the house, not being able to be alone at all as SAHP for days/weeks on end is surreal and exhausting.

This. My husband travels for weeks at a time and for a lot of that our child’s sleep sucked - constant night waking, took forever to put to sleep, etc so I was getting by with barely any sleep plus coming down with major illnesses (had the stomach bug so bad once that I couldn’t stand beyond going to the bathroom while still nursing) while having no help caring for our son while he was gone. You better believe I expected him to step up ASAP even with transatlantic + transcontinental travel. He slept uninterrupted for two weeks, was able to go out and socialize, slept in (our son has always been up by 5/6 am), and could have 2 minutes alone to pee without a screaming toddler outside the door. He’s gone out to see movies while on travel.

Imagine dealing with that AND working. Get it?

I stand by my statement. If you WOH then you have a huge number of additional stressors and things taking up your mental energy. You need that break. If you SAH, unless you’re doing it wrong, you have preschool or gym daycare or nap time to give you a break, or worst case you can hire a babysitter for a few hours.

I understand what the pp above yours is saying.

SAHPs don't generally hire childcare during the day, that's what their job is.

And depending on the age of the child, preschool and gym daycare may not be an option, it isn't always an issue of "not doing it right".

It's the daily grind of not getting a break from childcare that is the issue when the spouse has returned from travel, and working parents do get that break in a say that a SAHP doesn't.

Working parents do not get a "break" - they go to work! And if you're tired, it's a lot easier to half-ass your day at home with kids than it is during a day full of meetings.

And yes, I do think you are "not doing it right" as a SAHP if you don't have some form of temporary relief like a gym daycare, babysitter, or a fellow SAHP who can watch your kids for a couple of hours so you get a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the solo parent for the week works then they should get to tag out immediately. If they are a SAH then they shouldn’t completely check out. They should give the traveling spouse a tiny bit of time to decompress, or at least share the duties.

As someone who has been both WOH and SAH, I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the solo parent for the week works then they should get to tag out immediately. If they are a SAH then they shouldn’t completely check out. They should give the traveling spouse a tiny bit of time to decompress, or at least share the duties.

Yeah, no. Flip that. If you’re working out of the home you are getting at least a few child free moments in the day. Working while the other parent is out of the country it’s not easy. I’ve been at home while my husband travels overseas and I’ve worked while he travels. While there is its own set of stressors being the only working parent in the house, not being able to be alone at all as SAHP for days/weeks on end is surreal and exhausting.

This. My husband travels for weeks at a time and for a lot of that our child’s sleep sucked - constant night waking, took forever to put to sleep, etc so I was getting by with barely any sleep plus coming down with major illnesses (had the stomach bug so bad once that I couldn’t stand beyond going to the bathroom while still nursing) while having no help caring for our son while he was gone. You better believe I expected him to step up ASAP even with transatlantic + transcontinental travel. He slept uninterrupted for two weeks, was able to go out and socialize, slept in (our son has always been up by 5/6 am), and could have 2 minutes alone to pee without a screaming toddler outside the door. He’s gone out to see movies while on travel.

Imagine dealing with that AND working. Get it?

I stand by my statement. If you WOH then you have a huge number of additional stressors and things taking up your mental energy. You need that break. If you SAH, unless you’re doing it wrong, you have preschool or gym daycare or nap time to give you a break, or worst case you can hire a babysitter for a few hours.

I understand what the pp above yours is saying.

SAHPs don't generally hire childcare during the day, that's what their job is.

And depending on the age of the child, preschool and gym daycare may not be an option, it isn't always an issue of "not doing it right".

It's the daily grind of not getting a break from childcare that is the issue when the spouse has returned from travel, and working parents do get that break in a say that a SAHP doesn't.

Working parents do not get a "break" - they go to work! And if you're tired, it's a lot easier to half-ass your day at home with kids than it is during a day full of meetings.

And yes, I do think you are "not doing it right" as a SAHP if you don't have some form of temporary relief like a gym daycare, babysitter, or a fellow SAHP who can watch your kids for a couple of hours so you get a break.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the solo parent for the week works then they should get to tag out immediately. If they are a SAH then they shouldn’t completely check out. They should give the traveling spouse a tiny bit of time to decompress, or at least share the duties.

Yeah, no. Flip that. If you’re working out of the home you are getting at least a few child free moments in the day. Working while the other parent is out of the country it’s not easy. I’ve been at home while my husband travels overseas and I’ve worked while he travels. While there is its own set of stressors being the only working parent in the house, not being able to be alone at all as SAHP for days/weeks on end is surreal and exhausting.

This. My husband travels for weeks at a time and for a lot of that our child’s sleep sucked - constant night waking, took forever to put to sleep, etc so I was getting by with barely any sleep plus coming down with major illnesses (had the stomach bug so bad once that I couldn’t stand beyond going to the bathroom while still nursing) while having no help caring for our son while he was gone. You better believe I expected him to step up ASAP even with transatlantic + transcontinental travel. He slept uninterrupted for two weeks, was able to go out and socialize, slept in (our son has always been up by 5/6 am), and could have 2 minutes alone to pee without a screaming toddler outside the door. He’s gone out to see movies while on travel.

Imagine dealing with that AND working. Get it?

I stand by my statement. If you WOH then you have a huge number of additional stressors and things taking up your mental energy. You need that break. If you SAH, unless you’re doing it wrong, you have preschool or gym daycare or nap time to give you a break, or worst case you can hire a babysitter for a few hours.

I understand what the pp above yours is saying.

SAHPs don't generally hire childcare during the day, that's what their job is.

And depending on the age of the child, preschool and gym daycare may not be an option, it isn't always an issue of "not doing it right".

It's the daily grind of not getting a break from childcare that is the issue when the spouse has returned from travel, and working parents do get that break in a say that a SAHP doesn't.

Working parents do not get a "break" - they go to work! And if you're tired, it's a lot easier to half-ass your day at home with kids than it is during a day full of meetings.

And yes, I do think you are "not doing it right" as a SAHP if you don't have some form of temporary relief like a gym daycare, babysitter, or a fellow SAHP who can watch your kids for a couple of hours so you get a break.

As a working parent I think you’re doing it wrong if you don’t structure your days so you can at least get a coffee alone and recharge. Or go out to eat for lunch. Sometimes, when my spouse was traveling, I even called in sick and took the kids to daycare for a mental health day.

SAHMs do not have that option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the solo parent for the week works then they should get to tag out immediately. If they are a SAH then they shouldn’t completely check out. They should give the traveling spouse a tiny bit of time to decompress, or at least share the duties.

Yeah, no. Flip that. If you’re working out of the home you are getting at least a few child free moments in the day. Working while the other parent is out of the country it’s not easy. I’ve been at home while my husband travels overseas and I’ve worked while he travels. While there is its own set of stressors being the only working parent in the house, not being able to be alone at all as SAHP for days/weeks on end is surreal and exhausting.

This. My husband travels for weeks at a time and for a lot of that our child’s sleep sucked - constant night waking, took forever to put to sleep, etc so I was getting by with barely any sleep plus coming down with major illnesses (had the stomach bug so bad once that I couldn’t stand beyond going to the bathroom while still nursing) while having no help caring for our son while he was gone. You better believe I expected him to step up ASAP even with transatlantic + transcontinental travel. He slept uninterrupted for two weeks, was able to go out and socialize, slept in (our son has always been up by 5/6 am), and could have 2 minutes alone to pee without a screaming toddler outside the door. He’s gone out to see movies while on travel.

Imagine dealing with that AND working. Get it?

I stand by my statement. If you WOH then you have a huge number of additional stressors and things taking up your mental energy. You need that break. If you SAH, unless you’re doing it wrong, you have preschool or gym daycare or nap time to give you a break, or worst case you can hire a babysitter for a few hours.

I’m confused. You take care of your kids full time while working? Every workplace I’ve ever heard of had strict policies against that.

If you have a nanny or daycare, then you are absolutely not dealing with the same thing AND working. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

He is absolutely right. Lazy OP.