2.5 year old, 8mo, and try for another now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Your "super intense" #2 may continue to have intense needs. You should stop having children at the point when you can meet their needs and your needs without stretching. Having the most children you can feasibly handle is a bad idea.

Likely. A super intense baby typically becomes a super intense toddler and super intense child... Those are worse because the child is dealing with more situations (and is mobile).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I’m finding this excruciating. I actually think life was easier when the baby was only 8 months old. It’s getting harder as time goes on and baby is more and more mobile and demanding for interaction.

I honestly straight up hate my life. There is so much screaming. I adore my youngest but yearn for when we only had 1.

I guess I think anyone who chooses a 3rd is insane, to an extent.

*sobs* I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old and I thought we were past the hardest part *sobs*

Uh, mom of a middle schooler here and I can assure you that you have not scratched the surface of hard yet. Sorry.

I mean, my stretches of sleep have extended from 1.5 hours at a time to 3 hours at a time and that has been life changing.... hopefully you at least sleep better than I do? I feel like I could conquer the world if I could get one decent night of sleep....

Sleep training is your friend.

I'm trying! I'm not opposed to it. The baby still wants to eat 2x a night and she genuinely seems starving so I'm a little hesitant to cut her off. I've tried letting her cry but she can go for an hour or more. We already do the bedtime part - put her down awake, let her fuss a little, fall asleep on her own. I am fine with sleep training but even I feel a little bad after an hour of crying at 2 am...

The 3 yo on the other hand is killing me. She wakes up and screams her head off until she gets what she wants - a glass of water, her blanket, socks on her feet, etc. There is no 'training' her, she is strong willed as hell. I do all the right things, don't engage in eye contact, making waking up "not fun", offer rewards if she goes through the night without getting us... none of it works. She didn't used to be like this, I think she is going through a phase.

Fortunately they both go back to sleep pretty quickly once they get what they want and I admit it creates a bad incentive system to just keep getting up with them. Neither kid by themselves is a terrible sleeper, it's that when they each wake up every 6 hours or so, and those cycles are out of sync, you end up with wakeups every 3 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I’m finding this excruciating. I actually think life was easier when the baby was only 8 months old. It’s getting harder as time goes on and baby is more and more mobile and demanding for interaction.

I honestly straight up hate my life. There is so much screaming. I adore my youngest but yearn for when we only had 1.

I guess I think anyone who chooses a 3rd is insane, to an extent.

*sobs* I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old and I thought we were past the hardest part *sobs*

Uh, mom of a middle schooler here and I can assure you that you have not scratched the surface of hard yet. Sorry.

I mean, my stretches of sleep have extended from 1.5 hours at a time to 3 hours at a time and that has been life changing.... hopefully you at least sleep better than I do? I feel like I could conquer the world if I could get one decent night of sleep....

Sleep training is your friend.

I'm trying! I'm not opposed to it. The baby still wants to eat 2x a night and she genuinely seems starving so I'm a little hesitant to cut her off. I've tried letting her cry but she can go for an hour or more. We already do the bedtime part - put her down awake, let her fuss a little, fall asleep on her own. I am fine with sleep training but even I feel a little bad after an hour of crying at 2 am...

The 3 yo on the other hand is killing me. She wakes up and screams her head off until she gets what she wants - a glass of water, her blanket, socks on her feet, etc. There is no 'training' her, she is strong willed as hell. I do all the right things, don't engage in eye contact, making waking up "not fun", offer rewards if she goes through the night without getting us... none of it works. She didn't used to be like this, I think she is going through a phase.

Fortunately they both go back to sleep pretty quickly once they get what they want and I admit it creates a bad incentive system to just keep getting up with them. Neither kid by themselves is a terrible sleeper, it's that when they each wake up every 6 hours or so, and those cycles are out of sync, you end up with wakeups every 3 hours.

As a sidenote, this is yet another reason not to have a third kid yet, OP -- you could end up with THREE kids waking up in alternating cycles! OMG the horror....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I’m finding this excruciating. I actually think life was easier when the baby was only 8 months old. It’s getting harder as time goes on and baby is more and more mobile and demanding for interaction.

I honestly straight up hate my life. There is so much screaming. I adore my youngest but yearn for when we only had 1.

I guess I think anyone who chooses a 3rd is insane, to an extent.

*sobs* I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old and I thought we were past the hardest part *sobs*

Uh, mom of a middle schooler here and I can assure you that you have not scratched the surface of hard yet. Sorry.

I mean, my stretches of sleep have extended from 1.5 hours at a time to 3 hours at a time and that has been life changing.... hopefully you at least sleep better than I do? I feel like I could conquer the world if I could get one decent night of sleep....

This. The people who say "It only gets harder!" either had unusually good unicorn babies, or are delusional, or have something going REALLY wrong with their middle-schooler. My kid is 7 and although parenting is harder in some ways (mostly I worry more as he becomes more independent and social stuff is so important) it is NOTHING like having a newborn, going back to work with a baby that wakes 2x/night and trying to pump, a 1 year old who is sick every 3 weeks, being constantly on for a toddler ... And I only have an only child, so I can't imagine the hell of having another baby while you have a toddler or preschooler! I do remember a period where my child was a toddler and still required constant oversight (and my sleep was frequently disrupted due to sickness) when I felt like "yeah, this is HARDER than a newborn, just based on it NEVER STOPPING!" But to say that having an independent older child who can dress themselves, go to the bathroom, entertain themselves for stretches of time, and even start doing meaningful chores is harder than a baby, is just delusional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I’m finding this excruciating. I actually think life was easier when the baby was only 8 months old. It’s getting harder as time goes on and baby is more and more mobile and demanding for interaction.

I honestly straight up hate my life. There is so much screaming. I adore my youngest but yearn for when we only had 1.

I guess I think anyone who chooses a 3rd is insane, to an extent.

*sobs* I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old and I thought we were past the hardest part *sobs*

Uh, mom of a middle schooler here and I can assure you that you have not scratched the surface of hard yet. Sorry.

I mean, my stretches of sleep have extended from 1.5 hours at a time to 3 hours at a time and that has been life changing.... hopefully you at least sleep better than I do? I feel like I could conquer the world if I could get one decent night of sleep....

Sleep training is your friend.

I'm trying! I'm not opposed to it. The baby still wants to eat 2x a night and she genuinely seems starving so I'm a little hesitant to cut her off. I've tried letting her cry but she can go for an hour or more. We already do the bedtime part - put her down awake, let her fuss a little, fall asleep on her own. I am fine with sleep training but even I feel a little bad after an hour of crying at 2 am...

The 3 yo on the other hand is killing me. She wakes up and screams her head off until she gets what she wants - a glass of water, her blanket, socks on her feet, etc. There is no 'training' her, she is strong willed as hell. I do all the right things, don't engage in eye contact, making waking up "not fun", offer rewards if she goes through the night without getting us... none of it works. She didn't used to be like this, I think she is going through a phase.

Fortunately they both go back to sleep pretty quickly once they get what they want and I admit it creates a bad incentive system to just keep getting up with them. Neither kid by themselves is a terrible sleeper, it's that when they each wake up every 6 hours or so, and those cycles are out of sync, you end up with wakeups every 3 hours.

Get the baby done ASAP before she gets any more strong willed about it (ie: your 3 year old.) Drop 1 night feeding for a week, then drop the other and just refuse to go in for 3 nights and it will be over.

The 3 year old will be much harder because you’ve allowed it this long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I’m finding this excruciating. I actually think life was easier when the baby was only 8 months old. It’s getting harder as time goes on and baby is more and more mobile and demanding for interaction.

I honestly straight up hate my life. There is so much screaming. I adore my youngest but yearn for when we only had 1.

I guess I think anyone who chooses a 3rd is insane, to an extent.

*sobs* I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old and I thought we were past the hardest part *sobs*

Uh, mom of a middle schooler here and I can assure you that you have not scratched the surface of hard yet. Sorry.

I mean, my stretches of sleep have extended from 1.5 hours at a time to 3 hours at a time and that has been life changing.... hopefully you at least sleep better than I do? I feel like I could conquer the world if I could get one decent night of sleep....

This. The people who say "It only gets harder!" either had unusually good unicorn babies, or are delusional, or have something going REALLY wrong with their middle-schooler. My kid is 7 and although parenting is harder in some ways (mostly I worry more as he becomes more independent and social stuff is so important) it is NOTHING like having a newborn, going back to work with a baby that wakes 2x/night and trying to pump, a 1 year old who is sick every 3 weeks, being constantly on for a toddler ... And I only have an only child, so I can't imagine the hell of having another baby while you have a toddler or preschooler! I do remember a period where my child was a toddler and still required constant oversight (and my sleep was frequently disrupted due to sickness) when I felt like "yeah, this is HARDER than a newborn, just based on it NEVER STOPPING!" But to say that having an independent older child who can dress themselves, go to the bathroom, entertain themselves for stretches of time, and even start doing meaningful chores is harder than a baby, is just delusional.

My babies weren’t unicorns, they were sleep trained, 7p-7a by 6 months.And my middle schooler seems fairly typical based on my observations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I’m finding this excruciating. I actually think life was easier when the baby was only 8 months old. It’s getting harder as time goes on and baby is more and more mobile and demanding for interaction.

I honestly straight up hate my life. There is so much screaming. I adore my youngest but yearn for when we only had 1.

I guess I think anyone who chooses a 3rd is insane, to an extent.

*sobs* I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old and I thought we were past the hardest part *sobs*

Uh, mom of a middle schooler here and I can assure you that you have not scratched the surface of hard yet. Sorry.

I mean, my stretches of sleep have extended from 1.5 hours at a time to 3 hours at a time and that has been life changing.... hopefully you at least sleep better than I do? I feel like I could conquer the world if I could get one decent night of sleep....

This. The people who say "It only gets harder!" either had unusually good unicorn babies, or are delusional, or have something going REALLY wrong with their middle-schooler. My kid is 7 and although parenting is harder in some ways (mostly I worry more as he becomes more independent and social stuff is so important) it is NOTHING like having a newborn, going back to work with a baby that wakes 2x/night and trying to pump, a 1 year old who is sick every 3 weeks, being constantly on for a toddler ... And I only have an only child, so I can't imagine the hell of having another baby while you have a toddler or preschooler! I do remember a period where my child was a toddler and still required constant oversight (and my sleep was frequently disrupted due to sickness) when I felt like "yeah, this is HARDER than a newborn, just based on it NEVER STOPPING!" But to say that having an independent older child who can dress themselves, go to the bathroom, entertain themselves for stretches of time, and even start doing meaningful chores is harder than a baby, is just delusional.

Thank you. I needed to hear this. I'm looking forward to the day that I am not dressing/undressing them, wiping bottoms, and transferring baby from a car seat to a stroller while carrying the 3 year old who got tired. It's physically exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I’m finding this excruciating. I actually think life was easier when the baby was only 8 months old. It’s getting harder as time goes on and baby is more and more mobile and demanding for interaction.

I honestly straight up hate my life. There is so much screaming. I adore my youngest but yearn for when we only had 1.

I guess I think anyone who chooses a 3rd is insane, to an extent.

*sobs* I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old and I thought we were past the hardest part *sobs*

Uh, mom of a middle schooler here and I can assure you that you have not scratched the surface of hard yet. Sorry.

I mean, my stretches of sleep have extended from 1.5 hours at a time to 3 hours at a time and that has been life changing.... hopefully you at least sleep better than I do? I feel like I could conquer the world if I could get one decent night of sleep....

This. The people who say "It only gets harder!" either had unusually good unicorn babies, or are delusional, or have something going REALLY wrong with their middle-schooler. My kid is 7 and although parenting is harder in some ways (mostly I worry more as he becomes more independent and social stuff is so important) it is NOTHING like having a newborn, going back to work with a baby that wakes 2x/night and trying to pump, a 1 year old who is sick every 3 weeks, being constantly on for a toddler ... And I only have an only child, so I can't imagine the hell of having another baby while you have a toddler or preschooler! I do remember a period where my child was a toddler and still required constant oversight (and my sleep was frequently disrupted due to sickness) when I felt like "yeah, this is HARDER than a newborn, just based on it NEVER STOPPING!" But to say that having an independent older child who can dress themselves, go to the bathroom, entertain themselves for stretches of time, and even start doing meaningful chores is harder than a baby, is just delusional.

Everyone knows ages 6-10, give or take, are the golden years to give you break before you enter the teen years. I have no doubt that my future teens will be MUCH harder than my current baby to preschoolers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know sooooo many people with this “get it over with” mentality.... you have no idea how much harder things are going to get. None.

and sad you want to rush through a baby's childhood. I actually enjoyed my kids. Maybe if you spaced them better, you would be less overwhelmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three so I’m not opposed to bigger families, but it doesn’t sound like you want one. It’s perfectly wonderful to have two kids. No need to suffer through anything. Just enjoy your baby.

+1 maybe you would enjoy the baby stage more if you had time to enjoy your kids rather than popping them out to “get this stage over with.”

THIS THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I’m finding this excruciating. I actually think life was easier when the baby was only 8 months old. It’s getting harder as time goes on and baby is more and more mobile and demanding for interaction.

I honestly straight up hate my life. There is so much screaming. I adore my youngest but yearn for when we only had 1.

I guess I think anyone who chooses a 3rd is insane, to an extent.

*sobs* I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old and I thought we were past the hardest part *sobs*

Uh, mom of a middle schooler here and I can assure you that you have not scratched the surface of hard yet. Sorry.

I mean, my stretches of sleep have extended from 1.5 hours at a time to 3 hours at a time and that has been life changing.... hopefully you at least sleep better than I do? I feel like I could conquer the world if I could get one decent night of sleep....

This. The people who say "It only gets harder!" either had unusually good unicorn babies, or are delusional, or have something going REALLY wrong with their middle-schooler. My kid is 7 and although parenting is harder in some ways (mostly I worry more as he becomes more independent and social stuff is so important) it is NOTHING like having a newborn, going back to work with a baby that wakes 2x/night and trying to pump, a 1 year old who is sick every 3 weeks, being constantly on for a toddler ... And I only have an only child, so I can't imagine the hell of having another baby while you have a toddler or preschooler! I do remember a period where my child was a toddler and still required constant oversight (and my sleep was frequently disrupted due to sickness) when I felt like "yeah, this is HARDER than a newborn, just based on it NEVER STOPPING!" But to say that having an independent older child who can dress themselves, go to the bathroom, entertain themselves for stretches of time, and even start doing meaningful chores is harder than a baby, is just delusional.

My babies weren’t unicorns, they were sleep trained, 7p-7a by 6 months.And my middle schooler seems fairly typical based on my observations.

Get a professional evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I’m finding this excruciating. I actually think life was easier when the baby was only 8 months old. It’s getting harder as time goes on and baby is more and more mobile and demanding for interaction.

I honestly straight up hate my life. There is so much screaming. I adore my youngest but yearn for when we only had 1.

I guess I think anyone who chooses a 3rd is insane, to an extent.

*sobs* I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old and I thought we were past the hardest part *sobs*

Uh, mom of a middle schooler here and I can assure you that you have not scratched the surface of hard yet. Sorry.

I mean, my stretches of sleep have extended from 1.5 hours at a time to 3 hours at a time and that has been life changing.... hopefully you at least sleep better than I do? I feel like I could conquer the world if I could get one decent night of sleep....

This. The people who say "It only gets harder!" either had unusually good unicorn babies, or are delusional, or have something going REALLY wrong with their middle-schooler. My kid is 7 and although parenting is harder in some ways (mostly I worry more as he becomes more independent and social stuff is so important) it is NOTHING like having a newborn, going back to work with a baby that wakes 2x/night and trying to pump, a 1 year old who is sick every 3 weeks, being constantly on for a toddler ... And I only have an only child, so I can't imagine the hell of having another baby while you have a toddler or preschooler! I do remember a period where my child was a toddler and still required constant oversight (and my sleep was frequently disrupted due to sickness) when I felt like "yeah, this is HARDER than a newborn, just based on it NEVER STOPPING!" But to say that having an independent older child who can dress themselves, go to the bathroom, entertain themselves for stretches of time, and even start doing meaningful chores is harder than a baby, is just delusional.

My babies weren’t unicorns, they were sleep trained, 7p-7a by 6 months.And my middle schooler seems fairly typical based on my observations.

Um, a baby that STT for 12 hours from 6 months on is a unicorn. And before you accuse me of not sleep training, we did. We just never got a long sleeper (never more than 8-6) and he was sick constantly in a way that interrupted everyone's sleep.

Can you explain exactly what you find harder about your middle schooler, as well as a breakdown of the time you spend with your babies and toddlers, and that you spend now with your middle schooler? It just seems physically impossible that you would not have more leisure time/less stressful childcare tasks now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I’m finding this excruciating. I actually think life was easier when the baby was only 8 months old. It’s getting harder as time goes on and baby is more and more mobile and demanding for interaction.

I honestly straight up hate my life. There is so much screaming. I adore my youngest but yearn for when we only had 1.

I guess I think anyone who chooses a 3rd is insane, to an extent.

*sobs* I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old and I thought we were past the hardest part *sobs*

Uh, mom of a middle schooler here and I can assure you that you have not scratched the surface of hard yet. Sorry.

I mean, my stretches of sleep have extended from 1.5 hours at a time to 3 hours at a time and that has been life changing.... hopefully you at least sleep better than I do? I feel like I could conquer the world if I could get one decent night of sleep....

This. The people who say "It only gets harder!" either had unusually good unicorn babies, or are delusional, or have something going REALLY wrong with their middle-schooler. My kid is 7 and although parenting is harder in some ways (mostly I worry more as he becomes more independent and social stuff is so important) it is NOTHING like having a newborn, going back to work with a baby that wakes 2x/night and trying to pump, a 1 year old who is sick every 3 weeks, being constantly on for a toddler ... And I only have an only child, so I can't imagine the hell of having another baby while you have a toddler or preschooler! I do remember a period where my child was a toddler and still required constant oversight (and my sleep was frequently disrupted due to sickness) when I felt like "yeah, this is HARDER than a newborn, just based on it NEVER STOPPING!" But to say that having an independent older child who can dress themselves, go to the bathroom, entertain themselves for stretches of time, and even start doing meaningful chores is harder than a baby, is just delusional.

Everyone knows ages 6-10, give or take, are the golden years to give you break before you enter the teen years. I have no doubt that my future teens will be MUCH harder than my current baby to preschoolers.

No, everyone does not know that. While I'm sure that there are some things that can be more distressing with a teen (drugs, sex, college applications, etc), the amount of effort needed to parent a teen (measured in time & labor) is indisuputably less than a baby/toddler. I think what you seem to be saying is that it's emotionally harder (and may coincide with mid-life crisis/menopause). But it's not actually harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I’m finding this excruciating. I actually think life was easier when the baby was only 8 months old. It’s getting harder as time goes on and baby is more and more mobile and demanding for interaction.

I honestly straight up hate my life. There is so much screaming. I adore my youngest but yearn for when we only had 1.

I guess I think anyone who chooses a 3rd is insane, to an extent.

*sobs* I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old and I thought we were past the hardest part *sobs*

Uh, mom of a middle schooler here and I can assure you that you have not scratched the surface of hard yet. Sorry.

I mean, my stretches of sleep have extended from 1.5 hours at a time to 3 hours at a time and that has been life changing.... hopefully you at least sleep better than I do? I feel like I could conquer the world if I could get one decent night of sleep....

This. The people who say "It only gets harder!" either had unusually good unicorn babies, or are delusional, or have something going REALLY wrong with their middle-schooler. My kid is 7 and although parenting is harder in some ways (mostly I worry more as he becomes more independent and social stuff is so important) it is NOTHING like having a newborn, going back to work with a baby that wakes 2x/night and trying to pump, a 1 year old who is sick every 3 weeks, being constantly on for a toddler ... And I only have an only child, so I can't imagine the hell of having another baby while you have a toddler or preschooler! I do remember a period where my child was a toddler and still required constant oversight (and my sleep was frequently disrupted due to sickness) when I felt like "yeah, this is HARDER than a newborn, just based on it NEVER STOPPING!" But to say that having an independent older child who can dress themselves, go to the bathroom, entertain themselves for stretches of time, and even start doing meaningful chores is harder than a baby, is just delusional.

My babies weren’t unicorns, they were sleep trained, 7p-7a by 6 months.And my middle schooler seems fairly typical based on my observations.

Um, a baby that STT for 12 hours from 6 months on is a unicorn. And before you accuse me of not sleep training, we did. We just never got a long sleeper (never more than 8-6) and he was sick constantly in a way that interrupted everyone's sleep.

Can you explain exactly what you find harder about your middle schooler, as well as a breakdown of the time you spend with your babies and toddlers, and that you spend now with your middle schooler? It just seems physically impossible that you would not have more leisure time/less stressful childcare tasks now.

I obviously have slightly more leisure time now, although less than you might think.. What I find harder: social drama/“coolness”, cellphones and apps and screentime and what’s allowed and what isn’t and what so-and-so’s mom lets her do. Also bedtimes are way later (my quiet evenings are long gone) and I spend way more time in my car driving to/from activities. Also the schedules of the activities are longer/more intense and I have no control over last minute practices, etc. We are about to enter issues with the opposite sex, etc. Everything is a constant negotiation for more and more independence and fewer rules. Give me a poopy sleep-deprived 3 year old All.Day.Long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno. I have an almost 3.5 year old and a 1 year old. I’m finding this excruciating. I actually think life was easier when the baby was only 8 months old. It’s getting harder as time goes on and baby is more and more mobile and demanding for interaction.

I honestly straight up hate my life. There is so much screaming. I adore my youngest but yearn for when we only had 1.

I guess I think anyone who chooses a 3rd is insane, to an extent.

*sobs* I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old and I thought we were past the hardest part *sobs*

Uh, mom of a middle schooler here and I can assure you that you have not scratched the surface of hard yet. Sorry.

I mean, my stretches of sleep have extended from 1.5 hours at a time to 3 hours at a time and that has been life changing.... hopefully you at least sleep better than I do? I feel like I could conquer the world if I could get one decent night of sleep....

This. The people who say "It only gets harder!" either had unusually good unicorn babies, or are delusional, or have something going REALLY wrong with their middle-schooler. My kid is 7 and although parenting is harder in some ways (mostly I worry more as he becomes more independent and social stuff is so important) it is NOTHING like having a newborn, going back to work with a baby that wakes 2x/night and trying to pump, a 1 year old who is sick every 3 weeks, being constantly on for a toddler ... And I only have an only child, so I can't imagine the hell of having another baby while you have a toddler or preschooler! I do remember a period where my child was a toddler and still required constant oversight (and my sleep was frequently disrupted due to sickness) when I felt like "yeah, this is HARDER than a newborn, just based on it NEVER STOPPING!" But to say that having an independent older child who can dress themselves, go to the bathroom, entertain themselves for stretches of time, and even start doing meaningful chores is harder than a baby, is just delusional.

My babies weren’t unicorns, they were sleep trained, 7p-7a by 6 months.And my middle schooler seems fairly typical based on my observations.

Um, a baby that STT for 12 hours from 6 months on is a unicorn. And before you accuse me of not sleep training, we did. We just never got a long sleeper (never more than 8-6) and he was sick constantly in a way that interrupted everyone's sleep.

Can you explain exactly what you find harder about your middle schooler, as well as a breakdown of the time you spend with your babies and toddlers, and that you spend now with your middle schooler? It just seems physically impossible that you would not have more leisure time/less stressful childcare tasks now.

I obviously have slightly more leisure time now, although less than you might think.. What I find harder: social drama/“coolness”, cellphones and apps and screentime and what’s allowed and what isn’t and what so-and-so’s mom lets her do. Also bedtimes are way later (my quiet evenings are long gone) and I spend way more time in my car driving to/from activities. Also the schedules of the activities are longer/more intense and I have no control over last minute practices, etc. We are about to enter issues with the opposite sex, etc. Everything is a constant negotiation for more and more independence and fewer rules. Give me a poopy sleep-deprived 3 year old All.Day.Long.

I don't think anyone is saying the 3 yo is harder, were are saying the infants are harder. Maybe it's been awhile since you remember but infants don't give you quiet evenings.