Would you tell a vegetarian relative that your MIL has been sneaking meat into their food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet BIL already knows and doesn’t care enough to tell his wife. Because he knows what would happen. I’d stay quiet. Or tell your husband and let him decide what to do.

Your husband can tell his brother and his brother can tell his wife what MIL is doing.

I think what your MIL is doing is pretty terrible, tbh.

[Anonymous]

It's so easy to just use vegetable broth.

When I eat chicken broth-based soups, I know I'm making an exception as a vegetarian. I'm not so strict with my vegetarianism as to say no to a nice bowl of matzoh ball soup at a deli, but I don't consider that a vegetarian dish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would tell SIL as soon as possible and apologize profusely for not alerting her to this issue as soon as I found out about it. MIL can live with the consequences.

But it's not just MIL living with the consequences. It's OP, OP's husband, BIL, SIL and any kids who have to live with the consequences. Chances are good that MIL is awful enough in other respects that there isn't a decent relationship anyway, but if there is any kind of relationship, it could take years to recover. And for what? It could even be the case that SIL would rather not know (like some spouses would rather not know that their spouse had a one night stand -- another thing I would not feel compelled to tell people if I happened to find out, btw, but I guess DCUMers would feel it is their duty to butt into everyone's lives).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would tell SIL as soon as possible and apologize profusely for not alerting her to this issue as soon as I found out about it. MIL can live with the consequences.

But it's not just MIL living with the consequences. It's OP, OP's husband, BIL, SIL and any kids who have to live with the consequences. Chances are good that MIL is awful enough in other respects that there isn't a decent relationship anyway, but if there is any kind of relationship, it could take years to recover. And for what? It could even be the case that SIL would rather not know (like some spouses would rather not know that their spouse had a one night stand -- another thing I would not feel compelled to tell people if I happened to find out, btw, but I guess DCUMers would feel it is their duty to butt into everyone's lives).

I guess everyone makes their own decision about what they will and will not be complicit in. Personally, my decision would have been made when I found out and MIL told me not to tell. I refuse to be party to that kind of disrespect, and if MIL is going to be a jerk about it, that just gives me extra reasons not to interact with her anymore. Chances are good, like you said, that MIL is awful enough in other respects that it would not be a heartbreaker to not associate with her anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet BIL already knows and doesn’t care enough to tell his wife. Because he knows what would happen. I’d stay quiet. Or tell your husband and let him decide what to do.

This is the only right answer here.

BTW, for the folks suggesting that it's preferable not to tell SIL, would you feel the same if it were a religious dietary restriction?

Pp from above who replied to not intervene: yes, The only situation in which I would feel that it is important to put immediate stop to it is if it was due to an allergy. So, if SIL is allergic to shrimps and mil made fish paella with shrimp broth, I would speak up immediately. Otherwise, no.

If this were my mother and sister, I may or may not say anything, but being a guest at the in-laws, I would just not intervene. She has a husband, who is the woman’s son, your husband another son, let them figure it out on their own. Also, if the SIL has been happily coming to MIL’s house and consuming food with no incident so far, I just don’t see the point of bringing it up. Apparently, she’s not getting sick, or gagging, or even noticing.

[Anonymous]

Vegetarian here: please tell her. I would absolutely want to know about this if it were me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you guys think that every wrong must be righted? And that it's your duty to right every wrong, even the ones that have nothing to do with you? SIL's vegetarianism is not for health reasons. SIL has not been getting sick from the occasional bits of meat that she eats in these meals. I can't see why more people wouldn't just be quiet, honestly. It will cause so many problems for MIL to be outed; why is that so important to people?

And yes, MIL is completely wrong here. And rude and disrespectful. But, for example, if MIL were talking trash about SIL, would you feel the need to run to SIL and tell her about how wrong MIL is being? Or would you just ignore it because no good will come from telling SIL and SIL is not actually being harmed?

This kind of wrong, absolutely. Vegetarianism/veganism as an ethical belief is akin to religious dietary restrictions. Would you be so blase if it was Jewish/Muslim/Hindu dietary restrictions on pork or beef (which includes broth, fat, etc)?

Also, golden rule- treat others as you would like to be treated. If I was in SIL's position, I would like to be told.

And yes, if MIL talking trash about SIL was directly harmful to her (like the intentional violation of another's ethical beliefs), I would tell SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vegetarian here: please tell her. I would absolutely want to know about this if it were me.

Vegetarians- can you taste meat by products in cooking? Like, wouldn't the SIL know, or at least suspect, that X was fried in bacon grease (the smell)? Cant you taste the difference between chicken broth and veg broth?

I doubt this is much of a family secret. I feel like the SIL just turns a blind eye, makes an exception to keep WW3 from breaking out, etc.

[Anonymous]

What the MIL is doing is as obnoxious as sneaking pork or beef while having over people who don't eat them for religious reasons. She needs to be called out publicly.

[Anonymous]

If she can’t taste the meat broth, she’s probably not really a vegetarian - she just doesn’t eat a lot of meat.

If someone used chicken broth to cook rice I would be able to smell it before I even tasted a bite. I suspect SIL is playing dumb to keep the peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vegetarian here: please tell her. I would absolutely want to know about this if it were me.

Vegetarians- can you taste meat by products in cooking? Like, wouldn't the SIL know, or at least suspect, that X was fried in bacon grease (the smell)? Cant you taste the difference between chicken broth and veg broth?
I doubt this is much of a family secret. I feel like the SIL just turns a blind eye, makes an exception to keep WW3 from breaking out, etc.

Broth and fat are not always obvious to me. I've accidentally eaten something with bacon fat, and I remember noticing it was richer and saltier than most things I eat...but I initially just assumed it was extra butter and salt. If you don't eat meat, you don't recognize the distinctive flavor of a meat. You'll pick up on the fat and salt, but that part is possible to achieve with vegetarian food too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If she can’t taste the meat broth, she’s probably not really a vegetarian - she just doesn’t eat a lot of meat.

If someone used chicken broth to cook rice I would be able to smell it before I even tasted a bite. I suspect SIL is playing dumb to keep the peace.

Just stop. I can guarantee you would not always automatically know.

[Anonymous]

That's terrible. I'm guessing these meals occur frequently, perhaps next time you show up early and while you're helping you tell MIL that you don't feel comfortable not telling SIL that the dishes aren't vegetarian, especially knowing how strongly SIL feels about it. Perhaps MIL would step up and buy a can of vegetable broth instead of chicken if she was afraid you'd out her.

And I can't believe how many people think it's ok to use chicken broth in a dish and then claim it's vegetarian. At least be upfront about it and let people decide if they want to eat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


And I can't believe how many people think it's ok to use chicken broth in a dish and then claim it's vegetarian. At least be upfront about it and let people decide if they want to eat it.

How many people? I saw one post from someone who wouldn't think to mention it. I didn't see anyone claim it's fine to use chicken broth and claim it's vegetarian. Did I miss a bunch of people making that claim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


And I can't believe how many people think it's ok to use chicken broth in a dish and then claim it's vegetarian. At least be upfront about it and let people decide if they want to eat it.

How many people? I saw one post from someone who wouldn't think to mention it. I didn't see anyone claim it's fine to use chicken broth and claim it's vegetarian. Did I miss a bunch of people making that claim?

It happens all the time to me IRL. I’ve been vegetarian for 15 years and know to always ask if soups or fancy French fries have meat (including chicken broth) in them. I can sometimes but not always tell if it does by taste. Even my son who is also vegetarian knows to ask at a restaurant if something is vegetarian and he’s not sure! You’ve got to tell SIL - it’s her battle with MIL, not yours. But she needs to know!