Would you tell a vegetarian relative that your MIL has been sneaking meat into their food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation...close friend at the time and her mother were sneaking pork into friend’s husband’s meals. He is Muslim. I admonished both the friend and her mother but never told the husband. We are not friends anymore but I still wonder if they are continuing to sneak pork into his meals?

That is really awful. Probably could have just told the husband since the friendship died anyway. Yeesh. What do people get out of doing these things?

i agree, pretty evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I told DH to tell his brother and let his brother tell his wife. DH spoke to his brother and his brother does not want to tell his wife. BIL is afraid that if he tells his wife then his mother will out him for continuing to sneak meat. Whenever BIL goes to his parents house without SIL, he will eat meat. Yes, the guy is having an affair with a roast He will also drink a milk shake with a straw while he is there without her.

Straws are a whole other thing with her. Whenever we are at a restaurant with everyone, SIL will make a point of telling the waiter to NOT bring anyone straws. The first time this happened is started a 10 minute debate between FIL/MIL and SIL. FIL/MIL had never heard that straws are bad. FIL wanted a straw and then demanded a straw. Our kids chimed in asking whether they could have straws. SIL responded before I could and told them no-which was rude. FIL snapped that she had no right to deny him or his grandchildren straws and by god damn it they were having straws. SIL got up and left. BIL had to follow. My DH was in the bathroom for this and missed the whole thing. To be fair to SIL, I think she got up and left because FIL was so loud and angry and less about diving on the straw hill. To be to fair to FIL, SIL was very rude and overly bossy about the straw thing.

SIL is not a vegetarian for religious or health reasons. She is very open that she is a vegetarian for environmental reasons. I don't think MIL would do this if she had allergies. We have an extended relative with GF intolerance and MIL is very good in coming up with GF alternatives. MIL is proud of her GF recipes and has shared them with others for this relative .I'm not saying that I agree with what MIL is doing to SIL but I don't think she is a danger to others who have physical reasons for avoiding certain foods.

MIL just thinks that SIL's reasons are not valid. SIL will not ride in a SUV. If we are all going somewhere together, she will not get into MIL/FIL's big SUV or our smaller SUV. She will insist that she and her husband drive separately in their electric car. To MIL this is stupid because everyone can't fit in their electric car and since we are driving the SUV anyways, how does it help the environment for SIL to be riding separately in an electric car?

I try to be a nice person and have never been annoyed at anyone for having special food requests. Our family does do our part for the environment. We turn lights out, always recycle, I cook more from scratch than buying lots of processed or packaged foods, we compost, we plant trees, and I don't buy straws for home so I am not anti-environmental. `I will fully admit though that my weaknesses are being a coward where interpersonal drama is involved and guilt. So now I am between both. I feel I have done my duty in having DH tell his brother but since his brother will not say anything now I will have to sit through every future family meal knowing that MIL is lying to SIL or dealing with the wrath of both of them.

While it isn't the most popular opinion, I think I will just go with the MYOB posters and not say anything.

OP, thanks for the update, this is hilarious and really sad at the same time. Your SIL is crazy for making a scene like that at the restaurant and arguing with FIL and talking to you kids the way she did.

This situation is sad. The car situation is dumb but perhaps she wants a quick getaway option if things are this contentious?

While I also avoid straws, etc, I treat it the same as I do religion and don't proselytize or impose it on other people. If we have people over then I will offer our reusable bags and recycling bin (if they are shopping and cooking). I request no straw personally and keep pretty silicone or metal ones in my purse and offer them if anyone else seems like they might be interested. It really doesn't have to be the scene that happened at the restaurant and nobody feels judged or like their ability to choose has been trampled on.

I wouldn't out the brother. I'm sure it'll slip at some point.

fwiw, I work with patients and there are a variety of things that can cause severe meat sensitivities or allergies. I know OP said this wasn't an allergy but for anyone else who does this or is thinking of it-most people don't feel comfortable sharing their entire medical histories with everyone and anyone.

The one exception to not slipping meat into someone's food that I think wouldn't be ethically horrible is based on an experience with a friend. She was severe anorexic who was using being vegan as an excuse to restrict her diet in public. She was 5'8 and <100lbs and about to be hospitalized again. Her mother and sister (who both went to the medical appts with her) begged me to find a way to fortify the food she actually would eat when she'd come over so I did things like added powdered beef protein to the soups and multivitamin protein powder, eggs, and butter to the baked goods . I didn't feel badly about it, especially when her next round of test results showed great improvement. I think it is different when someone has an eating disorder. That is the only exception I can think of where I would ignore respecting someone's food choices. I did tell her later, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg stay out of their fking business.

This.. who cares? esp if she is veg for environmental reasons.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update OP. I think you made the perfect choice. Your MIL is not crazy, she is older generation fed up by a bossy DIL and I understand her (although I am a pretty bossy environmentalist myself who doesn’t touch a straw, I can see how ridicule and self righteous that type of behavior can become).

Your SIL doesn’t have an allergy, she doesn’t believe she will burn in hell for eating meat, she is fine. Forget about it

[Anonymous]

So there is a dude out there that is scared to eat meat because of his wife? What a happy marriage that must be! It sounds like MIL knows her DIL is nutso.....so, team MIL here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have way too time on your hands OP.

Oh come on! And we don't? When we are all wasting time on dcum following the story? Thanks for great entertainment OP!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the update OP. I think you made the perfect choice. Your MIL is not crazy, she is older generation fed up by a bossy DIL and I understand her (although I am a pretty bossy environmentalist myself who doesn’t touch a straw, I can see how ridicule and self righteous that type of behavior can become).

Your SIL doesn’t have an allergy, she doesn’t believe she will burn in hell for eating meat, she is fine. Forget about it

MIL may or may not be crazy but she's definitely evil. SIL may be an annoying and unlikable person but that doesn't make okay for MIL to knowingly and intentionally deceive her.

Btw, environmental vegetarianism is less legitimate than religious vegetarianism? That's bs.

[Anonymous]

Actually I would give her a piece for using chicken brother and bacon fat. But I would let her know that SIL does consider those meat products and she should double check with her before using next time.

My brother married a Jewish woman and converted to Judaism. My mother would have them other and tell them she made turkey sausage or the hot dogs were all beef when they weren’t. Now THAT is mean and dirty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the update OP. I think you made the perfect choice. Your MIL is not crazy, she is older generation fed up by a bossy DIL and I understand her (although I am a pretty bossy environmentalist myself who doesn’t touch a straw, I can see how ridicule and self righteous that type of behavior can become).

Your SIL doesn’t have an allergy, she doesn’t believe she will burn in hell for eating meat, she is fine. Forget about it

MIL may or may not be crazy but she's definitely evil. SIL may be an annoying and unlikable person but that doesn't make okay for MIL to knowingly and intentionally deceive her.

Btw, environmental vegetarianism is less legitimate than religious vegetarianism? That's bs.

But MIL sees her son go to her house and wolf down meat deceiving his own wife so really why is she going to think this is a big deal. It's messed up all round. The whole family sounds horrible. The Dh is weak and lying, the SIL sounds obnoxious and the MIL is a bitch. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

[Anonymous]

Broth isn't meat. If someone doesn't eat meat because of environmental reasons, I don't really see why broth would be an issue. It is just the water the meat was cooked in. It isn't the meat itself. You still aren't eating an animal.

I often cook with chicken broth - from the box and would never think of this as a meat product. It is a base for soups etc. I doubt there is really even much chicken in the chicken stock and you aren't eating the animal. It is just a flavoring.

There is no benefit to the environment to not eat stock or broth. Animals aren't being killed to make broth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Broth isn't meat. If someone doesn't eat meat because of environmental reasons, I don't really see why broth would be an issue. It is just the water the meat was cooked in. It isn't the meat itself. You still aren't eating an animal.

I often cook with chicken broth - from the box and would never think of this as a meat product. It is a base for soups etc. I doubt there is really even much chicken in the chicken stock and you aren't eating the animal. It is just a flavoring.

There is no benefit to the environment to not eat stock or broth. Animals aren't being killed to make broth.

You are a
N idiot. Not the soup of an idiot. Not the flavoring of an idiot, but the whole idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the update OP. I think you made the perfect choice. Your MIL is not crazy, she is older generation fed up by a bossy DIL and I understand her (although I am a pretty bossy environmentalist myself who doesn’t touch a straw, I can see how ridicule and self righteous that type of behavior can become).

Your SIL doesn’t have an allergy, she doesn’t believe she will burn in hell for eating meat, she is fine. Forget about it

MIL may or may not be crazy but she's definitely evil. SIL may be an annoying and unlikable person but that doesn't make okay for MIL to knowingly and intentionally deceive her.

Btw, environmental vegetarianism is less legitimate than religious vegetarianism? That's bs.

But MIL sees her son go to her house and wolf down meat deceiving his own wife so really why is she going to think this is a big deal. It's messed up all round. The whole family sounds horrible. The Dh is weak and lying, the SIL sounds obnoxious and the MIL is a bitch. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

NP. This is exactly the problem. SIL has a DH problem, not a MIL problem. Yeah, MIL is doing an awful thing (and as a vegetarian of many years, I'd be PISSED if my MIL was doing this), but it's the husband/BIL who isn't putting a stop to this.

OP, I would do as others have suggested and when SIL picks up the spoon to get Grandma's lovely mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving, say, "oh, I saw MIL put chicken broth in that." Boom, one problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the update OP. I think you made the perfect choice. Your MIL is not crazy, she is older generation fed up by a bossy DIL and I understand her (although I am a pretty bossy environmentalist myself who doesn’t touch a straw, I can see how ridicule and self righteous that type of behavior can become).

Your SIL doesn’t have an allergy, she doesn’t believe she will burn in hell for eating meat, she is fine. Forget about it

MIL may or may not be crazy but she's definitely evil. SIL may be an annoying and unlikable person but that doesn't make okay for MIL to knowingly and intentionally deceive her.

Btw, environmental vegetarianism is less legitimate than religious vegetarianism? That's bs.

But MIL sees her son go to her house and wolf down meat deceiving his own wife so really why is she going to think this is a big deal. It's messed up all round. The whole family sounds horrible. The Dh is weak and lying, the SIL sounds obnoxious and the MIL is a bitch. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

NP. This is exactly the problem. SIL has a DH problem, not a MIL problem. Yeah, MIL is doing an awful thing (and as a vegetarian of many years, I'd be PISSED if my MIL was doing this), but it's the husband/BIL who isn't putting a stop to this.

OP, I would do as others have suggested and when SIL picks up the spoon to get Grandma's lovely mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving, say, "oh, I saw MIL put chicken broth in that." Boom, one problem solved.

She has a both problem. This whole family sounds psychotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Broth isn't meat. If someone doesn't eat meat because of environmental reasons, I don't really see why broth would be an issue. It is just the water the meat was cooked in. It isn't the meat itself. You still aren't eating an animal.

I often cook with chicken broth - from the box and would never think of this as a meat product. It is a base for soups etc. I doubt there is really even much chicken in the chicken stock and you aren't eating the animal. It is just a flavoring.

There is no benefit to the environment to not eat stock or broth. Animals aren't being killed to make broth.

Exactly. Chickens actually ENJOY making broth. Here's my sweet Marigold helping me make the chicken stock I'll use for mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving. I put on some soft music and light candles. She loves it!

[Anonymous]

Your SIL sounds insufferable and I would keep my mouth shut. My step mom has been a life long vegetarian but does not ask about chicken broth or duck fat on fries etc.