Would you tell a vegetarian relative that your MIL has been sneaking meat into their food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell MIL if she doesn't stop immediately I'll tell SIL.

This. But have your DH do it. They’re his circus/monkeys.

Both of these things. What's done is done. But from now on this needs to stop.

There is no reason to cause WWIII over this, but your MIL needs to knock it off immediately. Or at least go back to lying about it in a convincing manner. I'd never offer to help cook again either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my MIL intentionally sneaks meat products into her "vegetarian" dishes and does not tell SIL about it. She'll tell SIL that she used vegetable broth when she really uses chicken broth. She'll cook things in bacon fat or add some bacon fat for flavor. She isn't sneaking a steak into a smoothie or anything but she's been serving quite a few vegetarian meals with meat products. MIL things being a vegetarian is stupid and she is already being gracious enough to pretend to accommodate SIL.

If I tell SIL, MIL will know it was me. I'm on the fence about whether to say anything or not.

NP here. I wouldn’t lie directly like this, but I use chicken broth in a few no-meat dishes I make and it wouldn’t occur me to warn people it has 1/4 cup of chicken broth in it.

Really? If you were making a meal for people who straight up told you they are vegetarian, it "wouldn't occur to you" to tell them that it has meat in it?

Because it's not meat, no. Some people really don't think of the broth as meat in that sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my MIL intentionally sneaks meat products into her "vegetarian" dishes and does not tell SIL about it. She'll tell SIL that she used vegetable broth when she really uses chicken broth. She'll cook things in bacon fat or add some bacon fat for flavor. She isn't sneaking a steak into a smoothie or anything but she's been serving quite a few vegetarian meals with meat products. MIL things being a vegetarian is stupid and she is already being gracious enough to pretend to accommodate SIL.

If I tell SIL, MIL will know it was me. I'm on the fence about whether to say anything or not.

NP here. I wouldn’t lie directly like this, but I use chicken broth in a few no-meat dishes I make and it wouldn’t occur me to warn people it has 1/4 cup of chicken broth in it.

Really? If you were making a meal for people who straight up told you they are vegetarian, it "wouldn't occur to you" to tell them that it has meat in it?

Because it's not meat, no. Some people really don't think of the broth as meat in that sense.

Oh come on. It's still essentially meat. I'm vegetarian and would want to know for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my MIL intentionally sneaks meat products into her "vegetarian" dishes and does not tell SIL about it. She'll tell SIL that she used vegetable broth when she really uses chicken broth. She'll cook things in bacon fat or add some bacon fat for flavor. She isn't sneaking a steak into a smoothie or anything but she's been serving quite a few vegetarian meals with meat products. MIL things being a vegetarian is stupid and she is already being gracious enough to pretend to accommodate SIL.

If I tell SIL, MIL will know it was me. I'm on the fence about whether to say anything or not.

NP here. I wouldn’t lie directly like this, but I use chicken broth in a few no-meat dishes I make and it wouldn’t occur me to warn people it has 1/4 cup of chicken broth in it.

Really? If you were making a meal for people who straight up told you they are vegetarian, it "wouldn't occur to you" to tell them that it has meat in it?

Because it's not meat, no. Some people really don't think of the broth as meat in that sense.

I've been vegetarian my whole life and have never drawn a distinction between chicken broth (made of chicken) and any other part of chicken. If I told you I was vegetarian before coming to your house for dinner and later found out that you'd made something with chicken broth and told me it was vegetarian because chicken broth "isn't meat in that sense", I would feel extremely disrespected.

I truly don't understand why this is hard for you. It's CHICKEN broth. Why on earth would you consider that to be vegetarian?

[Anonymous]

I bet BIL already knows and doesn’t care enough to tell his wife. Because he knows what would happen. I’d stay quiet. Or tell your husband and let him decide what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my MIL intentionally sneaks meat products into her "vegetarian" dishes and does not tell SIL about it. She'll tell SIL that she used vegetable broth when she really uses chicken broth. She'll cook things in bacon fat or add some bacon fat for flavor. She isn't sneaking a steak into a smoothie or anything but she's been serving quite a few vegetarian meals with meat products. MIL things being a vegetarian is stupid and she is already being gracious enough to pretend to accommodate SIL.

If I tell SIL, MIL will know it was me. I'm on the fence about whether to say anything or not.

NP here. I wouldn’t lie directly like this, but I use chicken broth in a few no-meat dishes I make and it wouldn’t occur me to warn people it has 1/4 cup of chicken broth in it.

Really? If you were making a meal for people who straight up told you they are vegetarian, it "wouldn't occur to you" to tell them that it has meat in it?

Because it's not meat, no. Some people really don't think of the broth as meat in that sense.

I've been vegetarian my whole life and have never drawn a distinction between chicken broth (made of chicken) and any other part of chicken. If I told you I was vegetarian before coming to your house for dinner and later found out that you'd made something with chicken broth and told me it was vegetarian because chicken broth "isn't meat in that sense", I would feel extremely disrespected.

I truly don't understand why this is hard for you. It's CHICKEN broth. Why on earth would you consider that to be vegetarian?

i'm not this person, and I see that chicken broth is nonvegetarian. But I also can understand why you wouldn't even think about it. For many people, chicken broth is more like slightly flavored water. For example, I use it instead of water for rice, but it's so automatic, it's like water. If you're not vegetarian yourself, you're just not thinking so hard about that line between vegetarian and nonvegetarian. It's an oversight, but I could see it happening.

[Anonymous]

Do you guys think that every wrong must be righted? And that it's your duty to right every wrong, even the ones that have nothing to do with you? SIL's vegetarianism is not for health reasons. SIL has not been getting sick from the occasional bits of meat that she eats in these meals. I can't see why more people wouldn't just be quiet, honestly. It will cause so many problems for MIL to be outed; why is that so important to people?

And yes, MIL is completely wrong here. And rude and disrespectful. But, for example, if MIL were talking trash about SIL, would you feel the need to run to SIL and tell her about how wrong MIL is being? Or would you just ignore it because no good will come from telling SIL and SIL is not actually being harmed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my MIL intentionally sneaks meat products into her "vegetarian" dishes and does not tell SIL about it. She'll tell SIL that she used vegetable broth when she really uses chicken broth. She'll cook things in bacon fat or add some bacon fat for flavor. She isn't sneaking a steak into a smoothie or anything but she's been serving quite a few vegetarian meals with meat products. MIL things being a vegetarian is stupid and she is already being gracious enough to pretend to accommodate SIL.

If I tell SIL, MIL will know it was me. I'm on the fence about whether to say anything or not.

NP here. I wouldn’t lie directly like this, but I use chicken broth in a few no-meat dishes I make and it wouldn’t occur me to warn people it has 1/4 cup of chicken broth in it.

Really? If you were making a meal for people who straight up told you they are vegetarian, it "wouldn't occur to you" to tell them that it has meat in it?

Because it's not meat, no. Some people really don't think of the broth as meat in that sense.

I've been vegetarian my whole life and have never drawn a distinction between chicken broth (made of chicken) and any other part of chicken. If I told you I was vegetarian before coming to your house for dinner and later found out that you'd made something with chicken broth and told me it was vegetarian because chicken broth "isn't meat in that sense", I would feel extremely disrespected.

I truly don't understand why this is hard for you. It's CHICKEN broth. Why on earth would you consider that to be vegetarian?

NP and I'm not a vegetarian, and can't imagine NOT knowing that chicken broth is completely unacceptable when preparing food for people who don't eat meat. It's not hard and very thoughtless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you guys think that every wrong must be righted? And that it's your duty to right every wrong, even the ones that have nothing to do with you? SIL's vegetarianism is not for health reasons. SIL has not been getting sick from the occasional bits of meat that she eats in these meals. I can't see why more people wouldn't just be quiet, honestly. It will cause so many problems for MIL to be outed; why is that so important to people?

And yes, MIL is completely wrong here. And rude and disrespectful. But, for example, if MIL were talking trash about SIL, would you feel the need to run to SIL and tell her about how wrong MIL is being? Or would you just ignore it because no good will come from telling SIL and SIL is not actually being harmed?

To me this is a deeply held philosophical view akin to religion that deserves my respect if not understanding. I may not agree with vegetarianism, but I would get that it means a lot to SIL, so yes, I would intervene if I knew her beliefs were being violated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet BIL already knows and doesn’t care enough to tell his wife. Because he knows what would happen. I’d stay quiet. Or tell your husband and let him decide what to do.

This is the only right answer here.

BTW, for the folks suggesting that it's preferable not to tell SIL, would you feel the same if it were a religious dietary restriction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you guys think that every wrong must be righted? And that it's your duty to right every wrong, even the ones that have nothing to do with you? SIL's vegetarianism is not for health reasons. SIL has not been getting sick from the occasional bits of meat that she eats in these meals. I can't see why more people wouldn't just be quiet, honestly. It will cause so many problems for MIL to be outed; why is that so important to people?

And yes, MIL is completely wrong here. And rude and disrespectful. But, for example, if MIL were talking trash about SIL, would you feel the need to run to SIL and tell her about how wrong MIL is being? Or would you just ignore it because no good will come from telling SIL and SIL is not actually being harmed?

If MIL was "just forgetting" and not considering these things to be meat, like the PP above, then I would probably remind MIL that chicken broth and bacon are not vegetarian and to use other things when cooking for SIL. It's SIL's choice to eat what she wants. She doesn't actually have to justify her decision to you at all. You can agree not to accommodate it if you are not willing to accommodate it. If it is truly an oversight or a failure to understand, then correct the misunderstanding and give MIL a chance to change her behavior.

However, that is not what's going on here. MIL is doing this out of spite, because she does not respect SIL's decision. It will cause problems for MIL to be outed - so what? She's being disrespectful and outright lying about what she's serving. Why should OP allow this behavior to continue and be made complicit in the disrespect?

I would tell SIL as soon as possible and apologize profusely for not alerting her to this issue as soon as I found out about it. MIL can live with the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet BIL already knows and doesn’t care enough to tell his wife. Because he knows what would happen. I’d stay quiet. Or tell your husband and let him decide what to do.

This is the only right answer here.

BTW, for the folks suggesting that it's preferable not to tell SIL, would you feel the same if it were a religious dietary restriction?

I don't think SIL needs to be tld and I would feel the same way if it were religious pov. I have relatives that don't eat pork for religous reasons. I would NEVER serve them pork, but if I found out they had ingested some pork, I would not tell them. For what reason? I'm sure their God is understanding enough to forgive them since it wasn't their fault and they can't feel bad about it if they never know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet BIL already knows and doesn’t care enough to tell his wife. Because he knows what would happen. I’d stay quiet. Or tell your husband and let him decide what to do.

This is the only right answer here.

BTW, for the folks suggesting that it's preferable not to tell SIL, would you feel the same if it were a religious dietary restriction?

I don't think SIL needs to be tld and I would feel the same way if it were religious pov. I have relatives that don't eat pork for religous reasons. I would NEVER serve them pork, but if I found out they had ingested some pork, I would not tell them. For what reason? I'm sure their God is understanding enough to forgive them since it wasn't their fault and they can't feel bad about it if they never know.

What if you found out that someone was deliberately serving them pork and lying about it because that person thought their religion was stupid? Would you tell them then? Because that is what is going on here.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are complicit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I bet BIL already knows and doesn’t care enough to tell his wife. Because he knows what would happen. I’d stay quiet. Or tell your husband and let him decide what to do.

This is the only right answer here.

BTW, for the folks suggesting that it's preferable not to tell SIL, would you feel the same if it were a religious dietary restriction?

I don't think SIL needs to be tld and I would feel the same way if it were religious pov. I have relatives that don't eat pork for religous reasons. I would NEVER serve them pork, but if I found out they had ingested some pork, I would not tell them. For what reason? I'm sure their God is understanding enough to forgive them since it wasn't their fault and they can't feel bad about it if they never know.

The problem here is that MIL is going to continue doing it. If you knew that someone else in your family was continually adding pork to their food, you wouldn't say anything?

I swear, it's a mild form of bigotry the way some people refuse to respect that dietary restrictions are an integral part of some people's religion.