Implementing no photo sharing rule for in laws?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're already demonstrating that their word's no good about not sharing photos, so whether you decide to give them a chance or not is up to you. I don't think you'd be wrong to refuse entirely unless and until they prove they can be trusted.

Maybe if they're confronted with the reality that they won't get pictures if they can't keep them private it'll make a difference. It's possible that they legitimately don't understand the potential risks involved with putting photos online. Of course, it's also possible that they just feel entitled to override your boundaries, too. In that case, explaining probably won't do you any good there.

It's your kid, and your job is to keep them safe (or at least not embarrass them or risk other untold consequences in the future--do you want your future boss or potential dates judging you because of something dumb you did that some adult decided to share 20 years ago?)

Yes, it's harder once they get into school or out in public because too many people let their desire to play the social media "look at me and my life!" game override their capacity for long-range thinking (or, for that matter, the safety of others) but that doesn't mean don't try. I am sure that everyone who HAS to be careful because of stalkers or an abusive ex and is really, really sick of having to explain themselves to random people would really appreciate it if more people did the smart thing as far as kids' photos online are concerned.

Where are you getting this from? OP doesn't even have a kid yet. She's talking about asking in the future - there's no ask that has been violated already.

OP mentioned the ILs already posting photos they wouldn't want posted.

Of someone’s kid that isn’t theirs and no one asked him not to. OP doesn’t get to police what her FIL does and doesn’t post. Give me a break! Motherhood is going to be a long road if this is already an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you do that then you of course will make your child wear a mask at all times out in public.

+100. I genuinely want to know what issue people see with pics of their kids online. No one cares about looking at a random kid. Get over yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, a lot of bitter grandparents on the forums today.

Maybe this is a generational thing but as a millennial (I’m 35) I don’t know a SINGLE person who thinks it’s okay to post the photo of another person’s child on the internet. There are so many reasons why that’s just inappropriate and unfair to the child. Protecting your child’s SAFETY, privacy and future right to control their internet presence is way more important than a grandparent’s hurt feelings.

Protecting your child’s internet anonymity is just GOOD PARENTING. If you’re a grandparent or relative and that offends you—let me remind you that its not about you.

If you do t understand this, then consider that this is probably the reason why you can’t be trusted with anyone’s photos.

I post pictures of my own children but relatives may not realize I have very tightly restricted privacy controls. Can’t say the same for every random aunt and internet-clueless grandparent out there.

Yes. All of this x 1 million.

Get over yourselves, grandparents.

I get the part about controlling your kids internet presence. But I really don’t see how this is a literal safety issue. Can you elaborate?

I am also curious...what horrible thing is going to happen?
I have a “no naked parts” photo policy, which is reasonable I think. What is going to happen with fully clothed pictures of children? I dont get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At some point you realize that your children aren't property that you own that you have full ownership and control of. They are their own humans and they will form relationships and bonds outside of you. You can't control every single thing about another human, no matter how hard you try.

You'd think, right? Way too many people still stuck in this idea that kids are property, therefore it's ok to exploit them for your own gratification.

Definitely true that you can't control others, but any parent has the responsibility to do what's in their kid's best interest. Junior isn't exactly benefitting in any real way from being shopped around Grandma's bingo buddies, and stands to deal with the consequences if those pictures unintentionally end up where they shouldn't.

With the rate that things like facial recognition and online profiling are progressing, with just about zero legislative oversight in place, there are going to be a lot of lawsuits in the near future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're already demonstrating that their word's no good about not sharing photos, so whether you decide to give them a chance or not is up to you. I don't think you'd be wrong to refuse entirely unless and until they prove they can be trusted.

Maybe if they're confronted with the reality that they won't get pictures if they can't keep them private it'll make a difference. It's possible that they legitimately don't understand the potential risks involved with putting photos online. Of course, it's also possible that they just feel entitled to override your boundaries, too. In that case, explaining probably won't do you any good there.

It's your kid, and your job is to keep them safe (or at least not embarrass them or risk other untold consequences in the future--do you want your future boss or potential dates judging you because of something dumb you did that some adult decided to share 20 years ago?)

Yes, it's harder once they get into school or out in public because too many people let their desire to play the social media "look at me and my life!" game override their capacity for long-range thinking (or, for that matter, the safety of others) but that doesn't mean don't try. I am sure that everyone who HAS to be careful because of stalkers or an abusive ex and is really, really sick of having to explain themselves to random people would really appreciate it if more people did the smart thing as far as kids' photos online are concerned.

Where are you getting this from? OP doesn't even have a kid yet. She's talking about asking in the future - there's no ask that has been violated already.

OP mentioned the ILs already posting photos they wouldn't want posted.

Of someone’s kid that isn’t theirs and no one asked him not to. OP doesn’t get to police what her FIL does and doesn’t post. Give me a break! Motherhood is going to be a long road if this is already an issue.

She does when it's her kid involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're already demonstrating that their word's no good about not sharing photos, so whether you decide to give them a chance or not is up to you. I don't think you'd be wrong to refuse entirely unless and until they prove they can be trusted.

Maybe if they're confronted with the reality that they won't get pictures if they can't keep them private it'll make a difference. It's possible that they legitimately don't understand the potential risks involved with putting photos online. Of course, it's also possible that they just feel entitled to override your boundaries, too. In that case, explaining probably won't do you any good there.

It's your kid, and your job is to keep them safe (or at least not embarrass them or risk other untold consequences in the future--do you want your future boss or potential dates judging you because of something dumb you did that some adult decided to share 20 years ago?)

Yes, it's harder once they get into school or out in public because too many people let their desire to play the social media "look at me and my life!" game override their capacity for long-range thinking (or, for that matter, the safety of others) but that doesn't mean don't try. I am sure that everyone who HAS to be careful because of stalkers or an abusive ex and is really, really sick of having to explain themselves to random people would really appreciate it if more people did the smart thing as far as kids' photos online are concerned.

Where are you getting this from? OP doesn't even have a kid yet. She's talking about asking in the future - there's no ask that has been violated already.

OP mentioned the ILs already posting photos they wouldn't want posted.

Of someone’s kid that isn’t theirs and no one asked him not to. OP doesn’t get to police what her FIL does and doesn’t post. Give me a break! Motherhood is going to be a long road if this is already an issue.

She does when it's her kid involved.

Yes. Said child is not born. FIL hasn’t broken his word (since y‘know he hasn’t been asked, nor posted pictures of unborn child) so the first sentence of the post that’s being responded to is just wrong.
Giving people the benefit of the doubt is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At some point you realize that your children aren't property that you own that you have full ownership and control of. They are their own humans and they will form relationships and bonds outside of you. You can't control every single thing about another human, no matter how hard you try.

You'd think, right? Way too many people still stuck in this idea that kids are property, therefore it's ok to exploit them for your own gratification.

Definitely true that you can't control others, but any parent has the responsibility to do what's in their kid's best interest. Junior isn't exactly benefitting in any real way from being shopped around Grandma's bingo buddies, and stands to deal with the consequences if those pictures unintentionally end up where they shouldn't.

With the rate that things like facial recognition and online profiling are progressing, with just about zero legislative oversight in place, there are going to be a lot of lawsuits in the near future.

Are you also into conspiracy theories? Is this baby going to be doing illegal activities in these possibly posted photos of unborn baby?
OP be glad this is your biggest problem.

[Anonymous]

I have an oversharer relative with a now defunct blog. She moved over to Instagram but is either blissfully unaware and naive or a pretentious wanna be influencer type (I think combination of all) who posts "throwbacks" of naked baby and toddler pictures and other mortifying photos of her now teen DC.

Even this relative has asked before posting a photo of my DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW I have known lots of people with a no-photos-of-kids on social media rules and none of them have stuck to it after a few years. There is a lot of affirmation/validation from sharing the photos which can be nice when you are a ground-down new parent. You may cave sooner than you think.

Weird. I know more people going the other way. Cutting down on kid photos. No more face pics.

People are becoming more aware of privacy.

[Anonymous]

If your don’t have any kids, don’t say anything right now. It’s not the time, your in-laws will think your controlling. However, if you are pregnant, start talking about your social media “rules” NOW. I am talking from experience, not with in-laws, but my own parents.

My husband and I are very private especially on social media, we keep it all locked down. My parents, especially my dad, over share on social media. I started talking about it with my parents, and they both blew it off and said something dumb about it. Fast forward to the following year, something happened and the local newspaper got ahold of a picture of our child and posted it in their article, it had nothing to do with children or our child for that matter. It took a few weeks to get the paper to take down the picture. It was an online article not print.
I know a lot of parents are worried something like this will happen, and to everyone saying Op is selfish or dramatic. No, she isn’t, she is protecting her child. What happened to us, will most likely not happen to most people, but we failed as parents and we didn’t protect our child the way we should have.
Op, you are not being selfish. You are being a parent. Please tell them no pictures or no face pictures.

[Anonymous]

I doubt grandma’s friends give half as much a sh*t as you think they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents...hate to break it to you but you had your turn. You have absolutely zero claim to your grandchildren.

Hope you or OP don’t plan on using them for free childcare or holiday gifts and 529 contributions.

[Anonymous]

I just tell everyone not to share and if they do ask the social media site to remove them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're already demonstrating that their word's no good about not sharing photos, so whether you decide to give them a chance or not is up to you. I don't think you'd be wrong to refuse entirely unless and until they prove they can be trusted.

Maybe if they're confronted with the reality that they won't get pictures if they can't keep them private it'll make a difference. It's possible that they legitimately don't understand the potential risks involved with putting photos online. Of course, it's also possible that they just feel entitled to override your boundaries, too. In that case, explaining probably won't do you any good there.

It's your kid, and your job is to keep them safe (or at least not embarrass them or risk other untold consequences in the future--do you want your future boss or potential dates judging you because of something dumb you did that some adult decided to share 20 years ago?)

Yes, it's harder once they get into school or out in public because too many people let their desire to play the social media "look at me and my life!" game override their capacity for long-range thinking (or, for that matter, the safety of others) but that doesn't mean don't try. I am sure that everyone who HAS to be careful because of stalkers or an abusive ex and is really, really sick of having to explain themselves to random people would really appreciate it if more people did the smart thing as far as kids' photos online are concerned.

Where are you getting this from? OP doesn't even have a kid yet. She's talking about asking in the future - there's no ask that has been violated already.

OP mentioned the ILs already posting photos they wouldn't want posted.

Of someone’s kid that isn’t theirs and no one asked him not to. OP doesn’t get to police what her FIL does and doesn’t post. Give me a break! Motherhood is going to be a long road if this is already an issue.

She does when it's her kid involved.

These future grandparents haven't broken their word yet, because they haven't give their word yet, because they haven't been asked yet.

[Anonymous]

I had this fight in the day with my own mother. She was hurt that she couldn't share photos with her friends. This is also the woman who gets a virus on her computer every other month because she is not savvy about how technology works. I am a bit extreme that I do not want to be google-able myself, and I certainly don't want it for my kids. Others think it's weird that I want no online presence, but I retain a bit of anonymity and privacy. I demand it of my family and friends for my kid.