5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.

I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?

You have no one but yourself to blame for the situation you've found yourself in.

If you are not online and not making it 100% clear that you are looking to date, no one is going to assume that you are actually available/interested. Being online is how you tell people you are interested in dating now, so if you choose not to be, you are basically signaling that you aren't dating right now.

But how do the men I know or meet in real life even know if I am online?

Well, it's pretty common that you see people you know on dating apps, but you are missing the point. Unless you are making a point to actually TELL people you are interested in dating (as in, if you can't casually drop it into conversation, tell other friends who can help spread it around), and, ideally, sending pretty strong signals to someone you are interested in, it is highly unlikely anyone is going to just ask you out. People who are serious about meeting someone go online and if you're not doing that and not dating, people will just assume that you don't want to be. But, if people you know in real life know you do go out on dates, someone might be more likely to work up the gumption to ask you out. And, if not, no big deal because you will have other options. I get that you want someone who likes you enough to make an effort, but you gotta do something to make him think you're at least open to it.

[Anonymous]

Should I go to a bar by myself tonight?

[Anonymous]

Because I am so lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because I am so lonely.

Yes, go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.

I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?

You have no one but yourself to blame for the situation you've found yourself in.

What am I supposed to do? Openly flirt with, or insinuate myself upon, men who will be up for some 'action' (which, yes, great sex would be nice with the right man) but who otherwise are not particularly or really interested in me. It is clear and obvious that I am single (no wedding band, I openly discuss my situation), I am friendly, approachable, and social, always talking to everyone I come across and going out with friends when asked to join them, and I make a real effort to look good. But what more should I be doing? I would appreciate your advice.

I think if you meet a man you would like to date, ask him out. It’s 2019 and this is fine. You don’t have to sit by the phone. Take charge of your romantic destiny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to sound cruel, but the simple truth is he’s not into you. Men don’t make it a secret when they adore a woman and don’t want to lose her. In fact, they make it glaringly obvious. Time for you to forget him and move on.

Ok. So what about the opposite? Someone who says he doesn’t want a relationship but calls me every day? Texts when his plane lands. Offers to send money when I joked about being broke... (He lives out of state, but we spent a week together recently)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to sound cruel, but the simple truth is he’s not into you. Men don’t make it a secret when they adore a woman and don’t want to lose her. In fact, they make it glaringly obvious. Time for you to forget him and move on.

Ok. So what about the opposite? Someone who says he doesn’t want a relationship but calls me every day? Texts when his plane lands. Offers to send money when I joked about being broke... (He lives out of state, but we spent a week together recently)

He's not that into you either, but he'll smash. A lot of people want relationship benefits without the benefit of the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s just not that into you.
That book came out after I was married but I think somehow that very simple concept would have changed my dating life. I don’t know why we look for complicated reasons and justifications. The reason is pretty much always he’s just not that into you and you should move on and find someone who is. Good luck.

This. Such a simple premise, and yet so helpful. It doesn’t really matter why he did it. Time to move on.

Agreed but just want to say it's probably because he got back with his ex-girlfriend (saying bc that happened to me, and it explains it all)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to sound cruel, but the simple truth is he’s not into you. Men don’t make it a secret when they adore a woman and don’t want to lose her. In fact, they make it glaringly obvious. Time for you to forget him and move on.

Ok. So what about the opposite? Someone who says he doesn’t want a relationship but calls me every day? Texts when his plane lands. Offers to send money when I joked about being broke... (He lives out of state, but we spent a week together recently)

He's not that into you either, but he'll smash. A lot of people want relationship benefits without the benefit of the relationship.

We already smashed. Why is he allying me every day? He won’t be back for a couple of months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to sound cruel, but the simple truth is he’s not into you. Men don’t make it a secret when they adore a woman and don’t want to lose her. In fact, they make it glaringly obvious. Time for you to forget him and move on.

Ok. So what about the opposite? Someone who says he doesn’t want a relationship but calls me every day? Texts when his plane lands. Offers to send money when I joked about being broke... (He lives out of state, but we spent a week together recently)

He's not that into you either, but he'll smash. A lot of people want relationship benefits without the benefit of the relationship.

We already smashed. Why is he allying me every day? He won’t be back for a couple of months.

He wants all the perks of being in a relationship (companionship, etc.) without the commitment. What a cushy situation for him and ultimately heartbreak for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went on what I thought were 5 great dates: constant easy, engaging conversation and good physical chemistry then all of a sudden he disappears. Why do men do that?

Something better became available

[Anonymous]

He’s married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you meet online? If so when did he break up with
prior partner.

Online dating has low barriers to entry. A lot of folks
break up and then next day have an online profile.

The reality is they are not over their breakup and not
in a good place to date.

This applies to both men and women.

I totally agree with this. Met several guys who clearly were not emotionally ready to date but creating a profile is so easy...

The key to all this is not to take things personally at all but that is hard to do sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you intimate? If not, maybe that's why he ghosted

Or maybe that is why. If you are bad in bed women and men ghosts, break up or end it. Its just women never considered this an issue in terms of a man not liking sex with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5 date rule. For me it's 3. No matter how good the dates are if date 3 doesn't end in sex, time to move on. I won't ghost however. Some people just don't like conflict. He doesn't have a reason other than no sex and it will make him sound shallow. Anything else is a lie, which could lead to an issue, so he avoids.

I keep it simple: it's just not working for me right now...

And, that is why you are single. Just hire a prostitute instead.

I'm not