5 great dates then he ghosts. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.

I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?

If you were "good looking" guys would be hitting on you.

At your age, you have to aggressively initiate and make it very clear you are willing to put out on the first date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went on what I thought were 5 great dates: constant easy, engaging conversation and good physical chemistry then all of a sudden he disappears. Why do men do that?

You are casually dating. Five dates is not a relationship. He does not owe a reason after 5 dates. Nor do you. He's just not that into you.

Honestly even up to 8 - 10 - 12 dates is casual dating.

Have low expectations. Enjoy the dates. Dating should be light, enjoyable, low pressure. etc.

Five dates is still casually dating, meeting other people, non exclusive etc. He does not owe you any explanation nor would you in the reverse situation

signed, a woman

If you have a minimum of respect for others, you should at least say a few words. I can't stand people who think ghosting is normal.

Meh, this is simply not true. Even when you break it to a person honestly, they still feel like you are a jerk. Getting broken up with is painful any way you slice t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went on what I thought were 5 great dates: constant easy, engaging conversation and good physical chemistry then all of a sudden he disappears. Why do men do that?

You are casually dating. Five dates is not a relationship. He does not owe a reason after 5 dates. Nor do you. He's just not that into you.

Honestly even up to 8 - 10 - 12 dates is casual dating.

Have low expectations. Enjoy the dates. Dating should be light, enjoyable, low pressure. etc.

Five dates is still casually dating, meeting other people, non exclusive etc. He does not owe you any explanation nor would you in the reverse situation

signed, a woman

If you have a minimum of respect for others, you should at least say a few words. I can't stand people who think ghosting is normal.

It's normal only for people who have a bad character and are too weak to just tell someone why they are moving on. It's common courtesy to not just ignore someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.

I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?

On line makes it easy for men to date. Men are intimidated to ask real live women out for a date.
Women throw themselves at men on line and in person. Why should a man risk rejection.

I can tell you're not a man because none of this is true.

The only men who women throw themselves at online are the "top 5%" in height / looks / status guys. For the overwhelming majority of guys, it is, "send messages to 300 women, get one response, then she flakes on you after you set up an in-person date."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.

I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?

How many real-life single guys do you actually know? The guys at work may just be avoiding a #MeToo situation. The guys you know because your kids go to the same school may want to avoid making it awkward for their kids (and yours).

But how do the men I know or meet in real life even know if I am online?

If you're on any of the popular sites, they will know, trust me. =)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.

I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?

You have no one but yourself to blame for the situation you've found yourself in.

What am I supposed to do? Openly flirt with, or insinuate myself upon, men who will be up for some 'action' (which, yes, great sex would be nice with the right man) but who otherwise are not particularly or really interested in me. It is clear and obvious that I am single (no wedding band, I openly discuss my situation), I am friendly, approachable, and social, always talking to everyone I come across and going out with friends when asked to join them, and I make a real effort to look good. But what more should I be doing? I would appreciate your advice.

You should be going online. I'll go ahead and believe you are attractive as you claim, in which case you will have almost unlimited options and be in control.

[Anonymous]

He started sleeping with someone else
..

[Anonymous]

Previous poster. I am good looking, though not head-turning beautiful. Fit, BMI 118, good hair, a sweet smile, big eyes, nice clothes, friendly, and approachably nice. I am a bit insecure though, and an introvert. Perhaps that comes across. I am not on any dating sites, however it is clear that I am single as I do not wear a wedding band and I am open about my status. I must just be at that age, late 40s, where you are officially too old to be approached. Also, I do not frequent meetup places like bars because I have no one to go with (most of my friends are married or attached).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster. I am good looking, though not head-turning beautiful. Fit, BMI 118, good hair, a sweet smile, big eyes, nice clothes, friendly, and approachably nice. I am a bit insecure though, and an introvert. Perhaps that comes across. I am not on any dating sites, however it is clear that I am single as I do not wear a wedding band and I am open about my status. I must just be at that age, late 40s, where you are officially too old to be approached. Also, I do not frequent meetup places like bars because I have no one to go with (most of my friends are married or attached).

If you meet someone it will be the greatest meet-cute story ever, because you are doing absolutely nothing on your side to help or put yourself out there. Maybe you’ll have an attractive mailman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster. I am good looking, though not head-turning beautiful. Fit, BMI 118, good hair, a sweet smile, big eyes, nice clothes, friendly, and approachably nice. I am a bit insecure though, and an introvert. Perhaps that comes across. I am not on any dating sites, however it is clear that I am single as I do not wear a wedding band and I am open about my status. I must just be at that age, late 40s, where you are officially too old to be approached. Also, I do not frequent meetup places like bars because I have no one to go with (most of my friends are married or attached).

It seems like the best place to meet men is by joining some sort of exercise groups like a running or cycling group. You get to get in shape while meeting fit men who are likely very motivated and hardworking and not lazy! Try that instead of going to bars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.

I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?

You have no one but yourself to blame for the situation you've found yourself in.

What am I supposed to do? Openly flirt with, or insinuate myself upon, men who will be up for some 'action' (which, yes, great sex would be nice with the right man) but who otherwise are not particularly or really interested in me. It is clear and obvious that I am single (no wedding band, I openly discuss my situation), I am friendly, approachable, and social, always talking to everyone I come across and going out with friends when asked to join them, and I make a real effort to look good. But what more should I be doing? I would appreciate your advice.

You should be going online. I'll go ahead and believe you are attractive as you claim, in which case you will have almost unlimited options and be in control.

+1. Go online unless you are happy being single. Attractive women online have lots of options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went on what I thought were 5 great dates: constant easy, engaging conversation and good physical chemistry then all of a sudden he disappears. Why do men do that?

He met someone else that he fell kinda hard for. If what you say is true and everything was going pretty well, then he just disappears, then it's because he met someone and he doesn't know what to say. It's kinda chickenshit, but I think that's the most likely reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.

I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?

You can’t sit on the sidelines and expect something to happen. When was the last time you met a single guy and actually flirted with him even if just mildly? If you don’t show any interest in someone they might think that you are just a cold fish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least you managed five dates. I have been alone for eighteen months now, and despite being a good looking (if not quite beautiful) woman in my late 40s, I have yet to be asked out on a single date by any man. It is a profoundly lonely experience.

I will offer that I have not made any effort to date since my divorce, as my family's and my well being are my priority. Also, I am not online and am referring only to those men that I either already know, meet, or come across in person in real life. And since I do not often socialize in bars, parties, or restaurants, that is admittedly a limited group. But still, you would have thought one of them might ask me out since they either know of my circumstances or can clearly see that I do not wear a wedding band. Of course, some posters will suggest that I do the asking, but if a man is not even attracted enough to ask me out on a date, what is the point?

You have no one but yourself to blame for the situation you've found yourself in.

What am I supposed to do? Openly flirt with, or insinuate myself upon, men who will be up for some 'action' (which, yes, great sex would be nice with the right man) but who otherwise are not particularly or really interested in me. It is clear and obvious that I am single (no wedding band, I openly discuss my situation), I am friendly, approachable, and social, always talking to everyone I come across and going out with friends when asked to join them, and I make a real effort to look good. But what more should I be doing? I would appreciate your advice.

You should be going online. I'll go ahead and believe you are attractive as you claim, in which case you will have almost unlimited options and be in control.

+1. Go online unless you are happy being single. Attractive women online have lots of options.

+2 if you are as you describe you will have plenty of dates if you go online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to sound cruel, but the simple truth is he’s not into you. Men don’t make it a secret when they adore a woman and don’t want to lose her. In fact, they make it glaringly obvious. Time for you to forget him and move on.

Ok. So what about the opposite? Someone who says he doesn’t want a relationship but calls me every day? Texts when his plane lands. Offers to send money when I joked about being broke... (He lives out of state, but we spent a week together recently)

He's not that into you either, but he'll smash. A lot of people want relationship benefits without the benefit of the relationship.

We already smashed. Why is he allying me every day? He won’t be back for a couple of months.

He wants all the perks of being in a relationship (companionship, etc.) without the commitment. What a cushy situation for him and ultimately heartbreak for you.

Well, you’re assuming I’m interested in a relationship with him...