Please tell me your experience if you found out you were pregnant at 43

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I’m going to stop reading this thread because it’s starting to get tough. But to the PP who said she owes it to her kids to live her values - thank you.

I’ve held the hand of a friend in high school who got pregnant and was scared to death and decided to terminate. I did the same when I was an RA in college for one of my charges. And again, to a friend who got pregnant unexpectedly with a boyfriend in early stages of dating (they went on to have two wonderful children after they married). In all these cases, I supported these women, listened to them and told them it would be okay. I told them they knew what’s best for themselves. For my own children, I remind them we are human and we make mistakes and we just do what we can to live kindly and compassionately to each other and ourselves.

And yet this week, I have been brutally hard on myself. I have been hating myself for paving the path for this terrible experience. And while I have always believed every child should be wanted and women should not be bound by other people’s opinions on what’s best for them, I have been considering making a lifelong commitment because of a very reckless mistake.

And so I will walk the walk, and I will live in the values I teach my children. And I will be compassionate to myself and remind myself that I am human and I made a mistake and I regret the situation we got ourselves into. However, I made the right decision for myself and my family. I will be heartbroken for awhile and while these comments don’t help, I appreciate the reminder that I am walking the walk with how I teach my children to approach mistakes they have made and how life is hard enough. Hating oneself and feeling shame just make it harder. Thanks for listening. I truly appreciate the support from many of you. And I’m feeling more and more reassured that we did the right thing even though it feels horrible right now.

Amen, OP. You lived your values and did what was right for you and your family.

Sending well wishes your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I’m going to stop reading this thread because it’s starting to get tough. But to the PP who said she owes it to her kids to live her values - thank you.

I’ve held the hand of a friend in high school who got pregnant and was scared to death and decided to terminate. I did the same when I was an RA in college for one of my charges. And again, to a friend who got pregnant unexpectedly with a boyfriend in early stages of dating (they went on to have two wonderful children after they married). In all these cases, I supported these women, listened to them and told them it would be okay. I told them they knew what’s best for themselves. For my own children, I remind them we are human and we make mistakes and we just do what we can to live kindly and compassionately to each other and ourselves.

And yet this week, I have been brutally hard on myself. I have been hating myself for paving the path for this terrible experience. And while I have always believed every child should be wanted and women should not be bound by other people’s opinions on what’s best for them, I have been considering making a lifelong commitment because of a very reckless mistake.

And so I will walk the walk, and I will live in the values I teach my children. And I will be compassionate to myself and remind myself that I am human and I made a mistake and I regret the situation we got ourselves into. However, I made the right decision for myself and my family. I will be heartbroken for awhile and while these comments don’t help, I appreciate the reminder that I am walking the walk with how I teach my children to approach mistakes they have made and how life is hard enough. Hating oneself and feeling shame just make it harder. Thanks for listening. I truly appreciate the support from many of you. And I’m feeling more and more reassured that we did the right thing even though it feels horrible right now.

Amen, OP. You lived your values and did what was right for you and your family.

Sending well wishes your way.

Me, too. Solidarity, OP. This feeling, too, shall pass. Thank you for all the support you gave other women when they needed it--you deserve the exact same, too.

[Anonymous]

Had my son at 44 - but difference is we had tried for years to have children and were over the moon. All to say you CAN do it if it’s right for you. Tired, yes. If I could have had another I would have. It’s amazing how my mind adjusted. Physically keeping up takes a lot of discipline. And I radically slowed my career and financial expectations. We are so happy, even when tired. Taking precautions in pregnancy was the key for me.

[Anonymous]

I am the 'live your values' poster. I am devastated that you used my post to help you chose to abort your baby. I am saying a novena for the repose of the baby's soul. I am so sad for the baby and your family that you made the choice you did.

[Anonymous]

Sending peace to OP. You made the best decision for you and your family after consideration and discussion with your husband and that is all anyone can ask of you. Please continue to care for yourself and your children!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the 'live your values' poster. I am devastated that you used my post to help you chose to abort your baby. I am saying a novena for the repose of the baby's soul. I am so sad for the baby and your family that you made the choice you did.

Then I guess you're learning a lesson here, too. A person can only "live her values" provided she has the choice to do so. You have exercised that choice in your own life, and OP has exercised that choice as well. If you feel judgmental of the choice she has made, then you're not actually in favor of people "living their own values" -- you just want them to live according to yours.

So please do add into your prayers a plea for wisdom and self-knowledge, because if you're well-versed enough to be saying novenas, then you know that the judgment you're feeling of others' choices isn't Christian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the 'live your values' poster. I am devastated that you used my post to help you chose to abort your baby. I am saying a novena for the repose of the baby's soul. I am so sad for the baby and your family that you made the choice you did.

Then I guess you're learning a lesson here, too. A person can only "live her values" provided she has the choice to do so. You have exercised that choice in your own life, and OP has exercised that choice as well. If you feel judgmental of the choice she has made, then you're not actually in favor of people "living their own values" -- you just want them to live according to yours.

So please do add into your prayers a plea for wisdom and self-knowledge, because if you're well-versed enough to be saying novenas, then you know that the judgment you're feeling of others' choices isn't Christian.

Interesting logic. You judge the writer for the novenas (bad) and you judge the OP for the abortion (good). Yes we can judge each other. If you can't, then you can never sit on a jury.

You can never say yes it's wrong to hit your child with an electric cord. Yes it's wrong to get drunk and beat your wife. Yes it's wrong to have many affairs and lie to your spouse about it.
I am sad for OP and I will pray for her too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the 'live your values' poster. I am devastated that you used my post to help you chose to abort your baby. I am saying a novena for the repose of the baby's soul. I am so sad for the baby and your family that you made the choice you did.

Your body your values. OP has the right to choose for her body her values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the 'live your values' poster. I am devastated that you used my post to help you chose to abort your baby. I am saying a novena for the repose of the baby's soul. I am so sad for the baby and your family that you made the choice you did.

Then I guess you're learning a lesson here, too. A person can only "live her values" provided she has the choice to do so. You have exercised that choice in your own life, and OP has exercised that choice as well. If you feel judgmental of the choice she has made, then you're not actually in favor of people "living their own values" -- you just want them to live according to yours.

So please do add into your prayers a plea for wisdom and self-knowledge, because if you're well-versed enough to be saying novenas, then you know that the judgment you're feeling of others' choices isn't Christian.

Ahem. Actually for a sin like murder there certainly is the right to make a judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not abort my children's sibling.

Which is why I use birth control.

Knowing what I know about how pregnancy and the postpartum period affect my mental health, I would absolutely terminate a future pregnancy, if for some reason our birth control failed.

I owe that to the children I have.

That's your experience. The bolded is mine. Both valid.

I'm with you PP. And I would add that I would not abort my husband's child. I owe it to my children to live my values in everything that I do. I walk my talk.

+100
And I wonder how many of these women saying that someone not using birth control is “brave” to have an abortion would say the same if it were an unmarried 22-year-old who just said hey, why use bc!??

Yup.

[Anonymous]

My son's friend's mom (she's now my friend) had him at age 45. She had three teen daughters at the time.
Our boys are 16 years old now, she is 61. One of her daughters is married with a son now too.
All is well!

[Anonymous]

Hugs OP. I fully trust that you made a thoughtful, informed, difficult decision that was best for your family.

I hope that the fact that nothing indicating a pregnancy could be found by the provider was of some comfort. Also, the odds were extremely high that you would have miscarried anyway - so perhaps knowing that you may, in fact, not have changed the outcome at all could be of some comfort?

I would offer a slight reframing of what you have gone through and done: You made a decision that really, really supports the whole family and your marriage in very significant ways, putting all of that ahead of your wishes. You prioritized your family's well-being over an unknown and unlikely possibility.

Seems to me that's the essence of motherhood. Good for you. Be kind to yourself and don't take any of the criticism here to heart. I think you are brave and strong.

[Anonymous]

My youngest brother was born when my mother was 45. I was 20, my brother and sister were 18 and 17, and we thought it was pretty cool to have a new baby brother. I was pregnant with my oldest son, he and his uncle are 5 weeks apart. My brother and my son are now 27, both had babies in the past couple of years, and my mother is really enjoying her time with their kids. My other brother died tragically 15 years ago, so having our youngest brother was a blessing for all of us. You never know what can happen in life, OP. Good luck to you no matter what you decide. I am also pro-choice, although it is a choice that I have never had to make.

[Anonymous]

Had my last one when wife was 43 and I was 45. She is my pride and joy. My oldest is off to college my middle next year. She makes us young I love it.

[Anonymous]

I was thrilled. Two years later not gonna lie I am feeling my age, but my baby is the best thing to come my way. She is a blessing and older sibling by 8 years was and still is thrilled.