Please tell me your experience if you found out you were pregnant at 43

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not abort my children's sibling.

Which is why I use birth control.

All birth control, when used properly, has a failure rate. Even sterilization has a failure rate. The only way to 100% not get pregnant is not to have intercourse.

Correct. But OP didn't use it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not abort my children's sibling.

Which is why I use birth control.

Knowing what I know about how pregnancy and the postpartum period affect my mental health, I would absolutely terminate a future pregnancy, if for some reason our birth control failed.

I owe that to the children I have.

That's your experience. The bolded is mine. Both valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not abort my children's sibling.

Which is why I use birth control.

Knowing what I know about how pregnancy and the postpartum period affect my mental health, I would absolutely terminate a future pregnancy, if for some reason our birth control failed.

I owe that to the children I have.

Same here. If my birth control failed it would be a very high risk pregnancy. I nearly died from HELLP. My kids need a mom more than they need a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not abort my children's sibling.

Which is why I use birth control.

Knowing what I know about how pregnancy and the postpartum period affect my mental health, I would absolutely terminate a future pregnancy, if for some reason our birth control failed.

I owe that to the children I have.

That's your experience. The bolded is mine. Both valid.

I'm with you PP. And I would add that I would not abort my husband's child. I owe it to my children to live my values in everything that I do. I walk my talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not abort my children's sibling.

Which is why I use birth control.

Knowing what I know about how pregnancy and the postpartum period affect my mental health, I would absolutely terminate a future pregnancy, if for some reason our birth control failed.

I owe that to the children I have.

That's your experience. The bolded is mine. Both valid.

I'm with you PP. And I would add that I would not abort my husband's child. I owe it to my children to live my values in everything that I do. I walk my talk.

+100
And I wonder how many of these women saying that someone not using birth control is “brave” to have an abortion would say the same if it were an unmarried 22-year-old who just said hey, why use bc!??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not abort my children's sibling.

Which is why I use birth control.

Knowing what I know about how pregnancy and the postpartum period affect my mental health, I would absolutely terminate a future pregnancy, if for some reason our birth control failed.

I owe that to the children I have.

Same here. If my birth control failed it would be a very high risk pregnancy. I nearly died from HELLP. My kids need a mom more than they need a sibling.

It has nothing to do with needing a sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dh doesn’t want more kids why hasn’t he gotten a vasectomy?

also no response re: were they using birth control?

No here. It’s none of your freaking business. She wants advice not your judgement.

[Anonymous]

This is OP again. I’m going to stop reading this thread because it’s starting to get tough. But to the PP who said she owes it to her kids to live her values - thank you.

I’ve held the hand of a friend in high school who got pregnant and was scared to death and decided to terminate. I did the same when I was an RA in college for one of my charges. And again, to a friend who got pregnant unexpectedly with a boyfriend in early stages of dating (they went on to have two wonderful children after they married). In all these cases, I supported these women, listened to them and told them it would be okay. I told them they knew what’s best for themselves. For my own children, I remind them we are human and we make mistakes and we just do what we can to live kindly and compassionately to each other and ourselves.

And yet this week, I have been brutally hard on myself. I have been hating myself for paving the path for this terrible experience. And while I have always believed every child should be wanted and women should not be bound by other people’s opinions on what’s best for them, I have been considering making a lifelong commitment because of a very reckless mistake.

And so I will walk the walk, and I will live in the values I teach my children. And I will be compassionate to myself and remind myself that I am human and I made a mistake and I regret the situation we got ourselves into. However, I made the right decision for myself and my family. I will be heartbroken for awhile and while these comments don’t help, I appreciate the reminder that I am walking the walk with how I teach my children to approach mistakes they have made and how life is hard enough. Hating oneself and feeling shame just make it harder. Thanks for listening. I truly appreciate the support from many of you. And I’m feeling more and more reassured that we did the right thing even though it feels horrible right now.

[Anonymous]

17:44 here. OP, your update post was very thoughtful and although I would not judge you either way, it sounds to me like you have made a thoughtful and informed decision. Which is not to say an easy decision, or one without emotional conflict, but making a thoughtful and informed decision is the best you can do when you have to make a decision. I also hear you on the strong maternal drive, and I can sympathize with any sadness or conflict you might feel; decisions can be the right choice but still have emotional impacts. I hope you will be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel and process whatever emotions you feel.

And I hope you will not take the hateful comments above personally -- pregnancy should never be a punishment for a perceived lapse in judgment or an obligation you must assume for someone else's (sibling's?!) perceived benefit. It's amazing how much judgment comes out of the woodwork in situations like this -- even if you've walked a similar mile in your own shoes, you can never walk a mile in someone else's and if you've never been on that path in the first place, well, it's awfully easy to assume the mantle of priggish moral righteousness in a vacuum.

I wish you peace and happiness moving forward.

[Anonymous]

OP - hugs and i hope you feel at peace with where you ended up. I would have likely done the same and you sound like a thoughtful and introspective person. Your kids are lucky to have you as a mom.

[Anonymous]

Thank you to both 17:44 and the last PP.

17:44, your thoughts and sentiments throughout have been immensely helpful and comforting. I cannot tell you enough how much I appreciate your thoughtfulness and empathy.
— OP

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I’ve also had to make this decision (diff circumstances) and it was heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not abort my children's sibling.

Which is why I use birth control.

Knowing what I know about how pregnancy and the postpartum period affect my mental health, I would absolutely terminate a future pregnancy, if for some reason our birth control failed.

I owe that to the children I have.

Same here. If my birth control failed it would be a very high risk pregnancy. I nearly died from HELLP. My kids need a mom more than they need a sibling.

It has nothing to do with needing a sibling.

You’re right, it’s not about needing a sibling. The PP simply mentioned aborting siblings as Pathos. Kids do need moms, though, and not just to give birth to them. Perhaps you will get HELLP with your next pregnancy. Maybe you will also nearly die or end up with chronic kidney failure, and then it won’t be a theoretical argument when you tell a random women on the internet what you think she should or shouldn’t do with her uterus. Until next time, sad woman who thinks she is only the sum of her reproductive organs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again. I’m going to stop reading this thread because it’s starting to get tough. But to the PP who said she owes it to her kids to live her values - thank you.

I’ve held the hand of a friend in high school who got pregnant and was scared to death and decided to terminate. I did the same when I was an RA in college for one of my charges. And again, to a friend who got pregnant unexpectedly with a boyfriend in early stages of dating (they went on to have two wonderful children after they married). In all these cases, I supported these women, listened to them and told them it would be okay. I told them they knew what’s best for themselves. For my own children, I remind them we are human and we make mistakes and we just do what we can to live kindly and compassionately to each other and ourselves.

And yet this week, I have been brutally hard on myself. I have been hating myself for paving the path for this terrible experience. And while I have always believed every child should be wanted and women should not be bound by other people’s opinions on what’s best for them, I have been considering making a lifelong commitment because of a very reckless mistake.

And so I will walk the walk, and I will live in the values I teach my children. And I will be compassionate to myself and remind myself that I am human and I made a mistake and I regret the situation we got ourselves into. However, I made the right decision for myself and my family. I will be heartbroken for awhile and while these comments don’t help, I appreciate the reminder that I am walking the walk with how I teach my children to approach mistakes they have made and how life is hard enough. Hating oneself and feeling shame just make it harder. Thanks for listening. I truly appreciate the support from many of you. And I’m feeling more and more reassured that we did the right thing even though it feels horrible right now.

Thank you for your updates OP. I am glad you have come to the right decision for your family.

Ignore the haters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not abort my children's sibling.

Which is why I use birth control.

Knowing what I know about how pregnancy and the postpartum period affect my mental health, I would absolutely terminate a future pregnancy, if for some reason our birth control failed.

I owe that to the children I have.

Same here. If my birth control failed it would be a very high risk pregnancy. I nearly died from HELLP. My kids need a mom more than they need a sibling.

It has nothing to do with needing a sibling.

You’re right, it’s not about needing a sibling. The PP simply mentioned aborting siblings as Pathos. Kids do need moms, though, and not just to give birth to them. Perhaps you will get HELLP with your next pregnancy. Maybe you will also nearly die or end up with chronic kidney failure, and then it won’t be a theoretical argument when you tell a random women on the internet what you think she should or shouldn’t do with her uterus. Until next time, sad woman who thinks she is only the sum of her reproductive organs.

You are creating a completely false dichotomy. OP said she had sometimes hoped for another child and had none of the issues you described. I would imagine that would be a situation when she would be very careful with birth control. Nothing you’re describing happened to the OP.