ILs house is disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ffs help them clean their house. Or hire someone to come weekly to do it. You sound like a totally useless b*tch.

They allowed a bathroom leak to ruin the ceiling and a wall in their living room and now they just don't use that bathroom. Their dishwasher broke some time ago and they haven't repaired it. There are dishes piled in the sink and gunk and grime all over the place. Their yard must be a jungle.

A weekly cleaning service can only do so much. I have seen people in their 80's and 90's age in place and still take care of their homes better than a lot of younger people would. But that is not the case for Op's parents. And, no, I don't think that adult children can reasonably be expected to take on the upkeep of their parents' large home.

Op's parents have clearly decided that they want to spend their time/energy/money on active, fun leisure activities. More power to them - they've worked hard and they've earned the right to make that call. What they can't do is dump their chores, maintenance and basic upkeep of their home onto their adult children. Nor is it reasonable for them to just let their property go to the point that they are literally letting the place deteriorate around them - unsafe and unsanitary. That's no way to live. It's time to downsize and simplify.

If you have an older parent who has every closet crammed full of stuff, things stored under every bed, in every crawl space and a dusty attic that is crammed so full of stuff that you can't access it or a basement piled high with stuff - it is time to help them go through and pare down. Get a dumpster if you have to. Sell what you can. It is going to take time to go through all of it and your parents only have so much stamina..... so start today.

If your parents' house is falling into disrepair with an overgrown yard, leaky bathrooms, broken appliances, dust and grime everywhere - consider that a wake up call. They need to downsize. Don't wait for it to be an emergency situation where one parent is trying to do it all alone while taking care of their sick spouse.

DP. What do you do when your elderly parents adamantly refuse to consider downsizing, insist on continuing to running a boarding house out of the house, and ask you for money for "groceries because we don't have any money this month to even buy eggs!!" on a regular basis, meanwhile refusing to liquidate their $1mil + of real estate? Asking for a friend.

Honestly, I don't know. My own mom had an orderly houseful of beautiful belongings. She took better care of her house than most younger people do - no lie. But she began paring down a good decade before she actually downsized. Even so, she still had quite a bit to sell and give away when she did move. I shudder to think what it would have been like if she had not started the process, willingly herself. She has now downsized and she still keeps her place looking nice, neat and orderly. But she no longer has to worry about maintenance, yard work and cooking which is nice.

my impression is that people who were orderly and considerate before they aged, will manage their affairs as they age in an orderly considerate manner. but if your parents were a sh*tshow since forever - it’s only going to get worse!

She had to handle her own MIL's declining health, transfer to a nursing home, estate sale and home sale (long distance) while working and dealing with her own husband's dementia and nursing home care. It was a terrible time for her and not something that she would ever want her own kids to go through.

I have learned from watching her that you need to get your ducks in a row. It's the most loving thing you can do for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They probably can't see. Do they need to get their cataracts taken care of?

Cataracts wouldn't explain why they haven't repaired/replaced their dishwasher and why they haven't fixed the leak in their now unusable master bathroom. It also doesn't explain why they are allowing dirty dishes to pile up in the sink.

[Anonymous]

If it doesn't bother them they wont bother to fix or repair anything. From your perspective, OP, it looks horribly bad (and I agree), but to senior citizens they either don't notice, don't mind, or don't have the energy to deal with it.