How is DH’s family so clueless?

[Anonymous]

OP, I get you. We had a trip with SO's sibling and wife and it went similarly. They also insist on hosting post-Christmas with MIL except sibling's wife always makes a big show of complaining how *I* specifically do not help wash all of the dishes and clear the ONE meal she makes over the four days we all visit but SO & I have made or paid for all other meals and groceries... It's truly baffling. MIL doesn't believe males should clean and it's a power trip. No kids involved on either trip/visit either.

Last time, just as she was asking us to make dinner again when we arrived (~6h drive) around 8p, I just smiled and said how grateful I was to FINALLY be a guest since I ALWAYS did so much hosting and how much I was looking forward to relaxing and finally tasting her cooking since her SO said so many nice things about it.
We left their messes alone, kept anything of ours confined to our bedroom, and we left early. There is no one for them to blame and no inclination on our/your part to be overly helpful when you are gone and away from it.

Just get a separate place. Your ILs are obviously used to and enjoying the free ride on meals. I don't blame your MIL for not catering to everyone if she normally does and certainly hope you and SO help when you're there for the holidays. We do ours in short shifts so everyone gets to hang out with our guests and it is not left to just one person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean good for your MIL tbh.

+1. My mom martyrs herself to my sister's antics, and vents her frustration on ME, the one who does way more than my family's share of cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. I'm over it and we leave family vacations days before everyone else to avoid the final fall-outs.

Good for MIL! I certainly hope that your husband and you help her when you visit/do holidays at her place, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you just go out to eat earlier with your nuclear family? Stop being a martyr and just do your own thing, like your in-laws.

X10000

OP, a majority of IL "not a vacation vacation from hell" posts on DCUM are just this -- selfish ILS are everywhere. I know it is not in your personality or soul to be selfish, but this is one situation where there is no alternative. I give you permission. Save yourself and leave a few days early -- this is no vacation, and vacation time is very limited, in most cases. These people just want to say who went and who didn't - you did your part. Now you know, two days max next year. We went on our annual "not a vacation vacation from hell" this year - guess what? Almost everyone left after the first weekend. Good times. Whomever thought the OBX giant, smelly cookie cutter big box "vacation" homes were a good idea, should be shot. I know it is cheaper to build them big, but it would save people a lot of heart ache if they didn't feel the obligation to do this crap, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean good for your MIL tbh.

+1. My mom martyrs herself to my sister's antics, and vents her frustration on ME, the one who does way more than my family's share of cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. I'm over it and we leave family vacations days before everyone else to avoid the final fall-outs.

Good for MIL! I certainly hope that your husband and you help her when you visit/do holidays at her place, OP.

+1

Not to mention cleaning up after the other pigs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just don't do a shared house situation again. It was always more trouble than it was worth for us, even though we made changes every single year to try to fix things. At the end of the day, neither my husband nor I enjoyed the trips (it's his family but he's not close with his sister), so now we don't do them. They're messy and lazy and let their kids sit on devices all day so it's just not a good mix for us. My mother in law is sad about that, but my husband doesn't think it's our problem. We spend plenty of time with his parents and even with the cousins, but we no longer do joint house stays. Just get separate houses in the future, it makes life so much easier!

+1

Besides, often these people live ten minutes away, and don't see the family or bother with the kids - but expect us to schlep six hours to hotter, sweatier weather with nothing to do? Puuuulease. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

You invited them to be your GUESTS and guests are not, or should not, be expected to cook, clean, or babysit. Next time make it clear what you expect them to do to help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You invited them to be your GUESTS and guests are not, or should not, be expected to cook, clean, or babysit. Next time make it clear what you expect them to do to help you.

??? Where do you get that the OP invited them? Their MIL/FIL rented the house. Troll.

[Anonymous]

Who decided to make the vacation a house where you had to clean up?

I'm guessing it wasn't the sibling and IL. If it was you, because that's cheaper for a family-of-four, do you really have to guess why no one else is interested in washing dishes/vacuuming/wiping down on what's supposed to be a vacation?