How is DH’s family so clueless?

[Anonymous]

Decided to rent a house with DH’s parents, brother and his wife for a week.... and I will NEVER do it again. DH and I are the only ones with young kids yet somehow we are the ones who are also expected to cook and clean for everyone. Literally no one else lifts a finger, and FIL even has the audacity to complain about the kids being loud - gee, I am sorry, there are 4 other adults here who could try to help in some way when DH and I are trying to get dinner on the table for YOU.

BIL and SIL literally sit around looking at their iPads for hours. They don’t even clear their dishes from the table after they eat. Don’t offer to run to grocery store. Don’t even give the kids a glance.

My MIL has typically been the one to cook and clean at her house when we are there for holidays and such... but apparently she doesn’t do any of those things when on vacation.

DH and I decided we would just boycott and not do anything, which pretty much resulted in no dinner for anyone last night so ILs, BIL and SIL went out but DH and I couldn’t because it was too late and the kids were melting down. And the house is now a pig sty since DH and I are done cleaning up after others.

Please help me... not sure I will make it another week!! And how are they all so clueless???

[Anonymous]

Leave early with the kids... I wouldn’t be able to last another week of that either!!

[Anonymous]

Just do your part, clean up after your own family and leave their messes to them.

[Anonymous]

Why didn't you just go out to eat earlier with your nuclear family? Stop being a martyr and just do your own thing, like your in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Please advocate for yourselves. While you can’t force the in laws to get off their iPads, you can say “Would you all mind clearing your dishes once you’re done eating? With a house full of people the mess piles up quickly, and it’s been falling to us to keep the place running smoothly.”

And then never again with these people.

[Anonymous]

1. You only clean up after yourselves. This will inevitably involve some clean up of other people's stuff.

2. You set your family's mealtimes and cook only for your own family. On a day you don't want to cook, you go out as a nuclear family. "FIL, what are you planning for lunch? We're going to X restaurant." "BIL, what did you plan for dinner? I'm making Y for us and the kids." Send the message loud and clear that you are not cooking for the entire family.

3. Or, leave at the end of the week. I wouldn't, because there is value to teaching these people that they have to fend for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just do your part, clean up after your own family and leave their messes to them.

And only cook for your family. I'd be telling my DH to call them out on the mess DAILY. "Bro, do your dishes, I'm not your maid"

[Anonymous]

Why can’t you say something: “Sally, can you please clear your dishes from the table? I need to feed the kids here.”

And stop with the meal stand-off. Either make a meal for your family or leave. There is no need to manage meals for grown-ass adults. They can figure out how to clean and eat for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Also, go buy paper plates today and only use those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Decided to rent a house with DH’s parents, brother and his wife for a week.... and I will NEVER do it again. DH and I are the only ones with young kids yet somehow we are the ones who are also expected to cook and clean for everyone. Literally no one else lifts a finger, and FIL even has the audacity to complain about the kids being loud - gee, I am sorry, there are 4 other adults here who could try to help in some way when DH and I are trying to get dinner on the table for YOU.

BIL and SIL literally sit around looking at their iPads for hours. They don’t even clear their dishes from the table after they eat. Don’t offer to run to grocery store. Don’t even give the kids a glance.

My MIL has typically been the one to cook and clean at her house when we are there for holidays and such... but apparently she doesn’t do any of those things when on vacation.

DH and I decided we would just boycott and not do anything, which pretty much resulted in no dinner for anyone last night so ILs, BIL and SIL went out but DH and I couldn’t because it was too late and the kids were melting down. And the house is now a pig sty since DH and I are done cleaning up after others.

Please help me... not sure I will make it another week!! And how are they all so clueless???

Learn from your MIL. Go out to dinner. Get takeaway. Cook easy things like mac and cheese, hotdogs and burgers. Get up early with DH and the kids and leave the house and don't come back until after dinner. For the next week- say- we handled the meals the first week- it your turn- tag you're it.

[Anonymous]

You need to preplan. We either determine which family is responsible for which meal, or even for a full day.

If they want to do this again next year your husband needs to be proactive, "Jane and I did the majority of the cooking last year, and we didn't get much time to relax. This year we'd like to suggest a rotating cooking schedule."

Then they can plan and pre-shop. If they balk, then you decline to participate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to preplan. We either determine which family is responsible for which meal, or even for a full day.

If they want to do this again next year your husband needs to be proactive, "Jane and I did the majority of the cooking last year, and we didn't get much time to relax. This year we'd like to suggest a rotating cooking schedule."

Then they can plan and pre-shop. If they balk, then you decline to participate.

And if your MIL/FIL do not want to cook, a meal out or catered in is fine too. The point is they are responsible and are paying for their assigned meal.

[Anonymous]

I will NEVER understand these family trips? Why spend your entire vacation just doing the same tasks you always do, but in a shittier house with extra people, more work?

Vacations should be fun adventures.

[Anonymous]

Also, be sure to leave a day early so you are not stuck doing the move out clean up.

[Anonymous]

This is not a vacation.