IVF Mixup Case

[Anonymous]

For PPs who suspect children resulted from someone else’s egg, do you suspect an honest mixup? Or the clinic using a donor without your consent to boost success rates? Also, would you ever try to find out who the egg came from?

[Anonymous]

I have two boys through IVF. One is very tan, brown eyes, dark hair and one is pasty white blue eyes and blond. Sometimes I wonder if there was a mix up, as they look so different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys through IVF. One is very tan, brown eyes, dark hair and one is pasty white blue eyes and blond. Sometimes I wonder if there was a mix up, as they look so different.

I am an earlier skeptical PP and this is exactly me! One of my sons is darker all around, brown hair, brown eyes and looks just like me as a child. The other is WHITE. Blond hair, blue eyes. They look alike in other ways but the blond looks nothing like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For PPs who suspect children resulted from someone else’s egg, do you suspect an honest mixup? Or the clinic using a donor without your consent to boost success rates? Also, would you ever try to find out who the egg came from?

Honest mix up. I really can't fathom any clinic knowingly doing this. It would be ruinous for the clinic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

You're being super harsh on someone who has just gone through a traumatic event. Shame on you. A little kindness and empathy goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

I’ve never been through fertility treatments, but I imagine if I’d desperately wanted a child, had to subject myself to multiple rounds of unsuccessful IVF, and then out of the blue was told I had a child but someone else had given birth to him and depending on how things went with a court, I might never get to have him, I might have some grief and fear and anger about everything I’d missed out on (and might continue to miss out on if things didn’t go my way). Maybe give just a little credit that when someone has gone through something that shocking and traumatizing, their emotions might be going all over the place and their reaction might not be what you, as a detached, unemotional observer, think is best.

Or, imagine going through IVF and many years of trying, to give birth, to find out they are not your "biological" kids and forced to give them up after carrying them for 9 months.

Which has what relevance to my post? I said nothing critical of the other parents, I did not minimize their grief, I’m merely suggesting that perhaps we shouldn’t judge the emotional reactions of people going through something deeply traumatic that the vast majority of simply have no reference point for. I don’t know why you are so determined to dismiss their emotions that you’d try to deflect the discussion like that. What’s your investment here?

We had something tragic happen to us. You can speculate. For some of us its reality. I don't need to judge. I've been through it. Why do you assume that people haven't experienced something like that.

This woman carried these kids. They were her kids in less she didn't want them. She should have had the right to keep them.

I've been through IVF/ infertility hell, many many losses and years of trying. And if I gave birth to a child whom we immediately discovered was the result of embryo mix-up, as painful as it would be I would not feel right keeping someone else's child. Because I know how strong the longing for a child is and I would have empathy for the mother who lost her embryo to me, even as I grieved for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait! Standard operating procedure dictates that every couple and embryo be DNA matched before implantation, right? In this recent birth, the carrier parents were Asian but babies did not appear Asian which led to DNA test. It makes no sense!

What about this does not make sense? The clinic erroneously transferred the wrong embryo.

It doesn't make sense that a DNA match test before implantation at the location is not a standard procedure. Of course a life altering mistake was made. That wasn't my point.

I did IVF and there was never a "DNA match" because we didn't do any pre-testing on the embryos. That is extra, you have to pay for it, and there is some risk to the embryo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For PPs who suspect children resulted from someone else’s egg, do you suspect an honest mixup? Or the clinic using a donor without your consent to boost success rates? Also, would you ever try to find out who the egg came from?

Honest mix up. I really can't fathom any clinic knowingly doing this. It would be ruinous for the clinic.

I am one of the mothers where two boys look nothing alike or like the parents at all. I am planning on doing this https://www.ssl-status.com/order/c-2/r-20/s-1?pst_id=555&ws_id=12&auth=dda8cf241ce41152e81fcb9c16f3f832 1 mother two children 1 father test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

I've been interviewed before. It's entirely possible that she did worry about her baby but the reporter didn't include the quote. I wouldn't assume the interview was fully reported.

Yeah, that lady just got a bio baby without the pain and suffering of pregnancy. The multiple pains of pregnancy is what keeps me from having a third child. I would pay $$$ to have a surrogate carry my bio child. Mom doesn’t need to carry the baby to bond with baby. How would dads ever bond with their child according to her thinking?

The Asian couple better get at least $1m for their ordeal. What a nightmare.

Spoken like someone who has successfully given birth. You can't know what this woman is going through because you are not in her shoes. Lucky you that you can decide NOT to have a third child, just like that. Must be nice for it to be so easy to decide not to get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait! Standard operating procedure dictates that every couple and embryo be DNA matched before implantation, right? In this recent birth, the carrier parents were Asian but babies did not appear Asian which led to DNA test. It makes no sense!

What about this does not make sense? The clinic erroneously transferred the wrong embryo.

It doesn't make sense that a DNA match test before implantation at the location is not a standard procedure. Of course a life altering mistake was made. That wasn't my point.

I did IVF and there was never a "DNA match" because we didn't do any pre-testing on the embryos. That is extra, you have to pay for it, and there is some risk to the embryo.

Same here. No dna testing. For us it could’ve simply placing the vial beside the wrong paperwork

I’m not sure how pp thinks dna testing occurs before insertion that couldn’t result in error - it’s very labor intensive procedure (meaning people are primarily involved in all steps) which means human error can occur at multiple steps in the process.

[Anonymous]

PP you could use ancestry.com. They are always having sales.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope the NY woman is able to try again and successfully carry a baby of her own that she can keep. Such a sad story all around.

PP makes an interesting point about whether Anni could have carried the fetus to term. So many unknowns here.

Which is why she should be thanking the other woman. I assume it won't be mentioned in the press because of the pending lawsuits.

Maybe you shouldn't assume the worst in people.

“I need[ed] to thank her personally, because she deserves that. She carried my child for nine months, she fed him, she took care of him, she changed his diapers. It could have ended up differently.”

https://nypost.com/2019/07/13/mom-whose-embryo-was-wrongly-implanted-in-queens-woman-tells-all/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys through IVF. One is very tan, brown eyes, dark hair and one is pasty white blue eyes and blond. Sometimes I wonder if there was a mix up, as they look so different.

My nieces sons are like this, and she conceived naturally. Some of you are borrowing trouble.

This story is so tragic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two boys through IVF. One is very tan, brown eyes, dark hair and one is pasty white blue eyes and blond. Sometimes I wonder if there was a mix up, as they look so different.

I am an earlier skeptical PP and this is exactly me! One of my sons is darker all around, brown hair, brown eyes and looks just like me as a child. The other is WHITE. Blond hair, blue eyes. They look alike in other ways but the blond looks nothing like me.

I can’t be the only one to think these posters ought to contact one another and at least see if they used the same clinic, especially if they’re both in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

I've been interviewed before. It's entirely possible that she did worry about her baby but the reporter didn't include the quote. I wouldn't assume the interview was fully reported.

Yeah, that lady just got a bio baby without the pain and suffering of pregnancy. The multiple pains of pregnancy is what keeps me from having a third child. I would pay $$$ to have a surrogate carry my bio child. Mom doesn’t need to carry the baby to bond with baby. How would dads ever bond with their child according to her thinking?

The Asian couple better get at least $1m for their ordeal. What a nightmare.

Spoken like someone who has successfully given birth. You can't know what this woman is going through because you are not in her shoes. Lucky you that you can decide NOT to have a third child, just like that. Must be nice for it to be so easy to decide not to get pregnant.

I’m not the pp, but for everyone’s sake, let’s not make this about who is suffering more. The people you are responding to are real people, despite this apparent internet anonymity. Yes it is painful for you not to have been able to carry a child, and yes it is also painful for many of us to be able to carry children but also have severe pregnancy complications or severe PPD. I too would love to have a third child handed to me, but my body and marriage and other children would suffer tremendously with a third pregnancy. The first thing I thought with this story was wow, it would be amazing if someone just handed me my own third biological child.