IVF Mixup Case

[Anonymous]

It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Made worse by the fact that she was carrying TWO DIFFERENT couples Kids. So many errors.

This shit is bound to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

Yeah I found it a bit off to focus solely on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

I’ve never been through fertility treatments, but I imagine if I’d desperately wanted a child, had to subject myself to multiple rounds of unsuccessful IVF, and then out of the blue was told I had a child but someone else had given birth to him and depending on how things went with a court, I might never get to have him, I might have some grief and fear and anger about everything I’d missed out on (and might continue to miss out on if things didn’t go my way). Maybe give just a little credit that when someone has gone through something that shocking and traumatizing, their emotions might be going all over the place and their reaction might not be what you, as a detached, unemotional observer, think is best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

I’ve never been through fertility treatments, but I imagine if I’d desperately wanted a child, had to subject myself to multiple rounds of unsuccessful IVF, and then out of the blue was told I had a child but someone else had given birth to him and depending on how things went with a court, I might never get to have him, I might have some grief and fear and anger about everything I’d missed out on (and might continue to miss out on if things didn’t go my way). Maybe give just a little credit that when someone has gone through something that shocking and traumatizing, their emotions might be going all over the place and their reaction might not be what you, as a detached, unemotional observer, think is best.

Or, imagine going through IVF and many years of trying, to give birth, to find out they are not your "biological" kids and forced to give them up after carrying them for 9 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

I’ve never been through fertility treatments, but I imagine if I’d desperately wanted a child, had to subject myself to multiple rounds of unsuccessful IVF, and then out of the blue was told I had a child but someone else had given birth to him and depending on how things went with a court, I might never get to have him, I might have some grief and fear and anger about everything I’d missed out on (and might continue to miss out on if things didn’t go my way). Maybe give just a little credit that when someone has gone through something that shocking and traumatizing, their emotions might be going all over the place and their reaction might not be what you, as a detached, unemotional observer, think is best.

Or, imagine going through IVF and many years of trying, to give birth, to find out they are not your "biological" kids and forced to give them up after carrying them for 9 months.

Which has what relevance to my post? I said nothing critical of the other parents, I did not minimize their grief, I’m merely suggesting that perhaps we shouldn’t judge the emotional reactions of people going through something deeply traumatic that the vast majority of simply have no reference point for. I don’t know why you are so determined to dismiss their emotions that you’d try to deflect the discussion like that. What’s your investment here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

I’ve never been through fertility treatments, but I imagine if I’d desperately wanted a child, had to subject myself to multiple rounds of unsuccessful IVF, and then out of the blue was told I had a child but someone else had given birth to him and depending on how things went with a court, I might never get to have him, I might have some grief and fear and anger about everything I’d missed out on (and might continue to miss out on if things didn’t go my way). Maybe give just a little credit that when someone has gone through something that shocking and traumatizing, their emotions might be going all over the place and their reaction might not be what you, as a detached, unemotional observer, think is best.

Or, imagine going through IVF and many years of trying, to give birth, to find out they are not your "biological" kids and forced to give them up after carrying them for 9 months.

Which has what relevance to my post? I said nothing critical of the other parents, I did not minimize their grief, I’m merely suggesting that perhaps we shouldn’t judge the emotional reactions of people going through something deeply traumatic that the vast majority of simply have no reference point for. I don’t know why you are so determined to dismiss their emotions that you’d try to deflect the discussion like that. What’s your investment here?

We had something tragic happen to us. You can speculate. For some of us its reality. I don't need to judge. I've been through it. Why do you assume that people haven't experienced something like that.

This woman carried these kids. They were her kids in less she didn't want them. She should have had the right to keep them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

I’ve never been through fertility treatments, but I imagine if I’d desperately wanted a child, had to subject myself to multiple rounds of unsuccessful IVF, and then out of the blue was told I had a child but someone else had given birth to him and depending on how things went with a court, I might never get to have him, I might have some grief and fear and anger about everything I’d missed out on (and might continue to miss out on if things didn’t go my way). Maybe give just a little credit that when someone has gone through something that shocking and traumatizing, their emotions might be going all over the place and their reaction might not be what you, as a detached, unemotional observer, think is best.

Or, imagine going through IVF and many years of trying, to give birth, to find out they are not your "biological" kids and forced to give them up after carrying them for 9 months.

Which has what relevance to my post? I said nothing critical of the other parents, I did not minimize their grief, I’m merely suggesting that perhaps we shouldn’t judge the emotional reactions of people going through something deeply traumatic that the vast majority of simply have no reference point for. I don’t know why you are so determined to dismiss their emotions that you’d try to deflect the discussion like that. What’s your investment here?

We had something tragic happen to us. You can speculate. For some of us its reality. I don't need to judge. I've been through it. Why do you assume that people haven't experienced something like that.

This woman carried these kids. They were her kids in less she didn't want them. She should have had the right to keep them.

Are you intentionally misreading my posts? Please point to where I made any statement of who should have custody of the children. You are projecting your own emotional issues all over the place.

All that said, I am very sorry you also had the experience of unknowingly giving birth to someone else’s biological child and then being forced to give that child back to their biological parents. I’m sure that was very difficult for you.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been through infertility, multiple failed ivf cycles, a miscarriage, and eventually got pregnant and safely delivered twins almost 4 years after we started trying to conceive. I would be absolutely devastated to find out that there had been a mix up and that the children I’d given birth to were actually the very much desired biological children of other couples undergoing ivf at my clinic. It would gut me and I’m not sure how I’d carry on, but assuming I found out very soon after giving birth, I’d surrender them to the biological parents because I know the pain of infertility and how badly I wanted to have a baby. I’d do it because those weren’t my embryos and, therefore, were not my children. I would do it because I know for damn sure I’d want another couple to surrender my biological child to me if I were on the other end of the mistake.

If I didn’t find out until several months after the babies were born, I’m honestly not sure what I would do.

No matter whether my embryo was transferred to someone else or I had carried and birthed someone else’s baby, no matter when I found out, I would sue the hell out of the fertility clinic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been through infertility, multiple failed ivf cycles, a miscarriage, and eventually got pregnant and safely delivered twins almost 4 years after we started trying to conceive. I would be absolutely devastated to find out that there had been a mix up and that the children I’d given birth to were actually the very much desired biological children of other couples undergoing ivf at my clinic. It would gut me and I’m not sure how I’d carry on, but assuming I found out very soon after giving birth, I’d surrender them to the biological parents because I know the pain of infertility and how badly I wanted to have a baby. I’d do it because those weren’t my embryos and, therefore, were not my children. I would do it because I know for damn sure I’d want another couple to surrender my biological child to me if I were on the other end of the mistake.

If I didn’t find out until several months after the babies were born, I’m honestly not sure what I would do.

No matter whether my embryo was transferred to someone else or I had carried and birthed someone else’s baby, no matter when I found out, I would sue the hell out of the fertility clinic.

I agree with all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get how she can be forced to give up kids she gave birth to. That makes no sense. Only in NY. They were her kids. The mix up was not her fault.

If she had raised the children to toddlerhood I see your point. But the fact that she carried the babies and had them for maybe 2-3 weeks is devastating, tragic, terrible...but does not mean she should be given custody. She is not their mother, sadly.

I hope she and her husband were given so much money that they can go adopt 600 babies if they so choose.

She gave birth, she is their mother. We adopted, its very very difficult to adopt beyond the cost. She carried those kids in her body. They are hers in less she chooses not to parent.

It's very different. Those babies had parents who wanted them and did not give them up for adoption. The clinic made an error and had to make it right. You seem not quite right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get how she can be forced to give up kids she gave birth to. That makes no sense. Only in NY. They were her kids. The mix up was not her fault.

If she had raised the children to toddlerhood I see your point. But the fact that she carried the babies and had them for maybe 2-3 weeks is devastating, tragic, terrible...but does not mean she should be given custody. She is not their mother, sadly.

I hope she and her husband were given so much money that they can go adopt 600 babies if they so choose.

She gave birth, she is their mother. We adopted, its very very difficult to adopt beyond the cost. She carried those kids in her body. They are hers in less she chooses not to parent.

It's very different. Those babies had parents who wanted them and did not give them up for adoption. The clinic made an error and had to make it right. You seem not quite right.

+1 those embryos belonged to other couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

I’ve never been through fertility treatments, but I imagine if I’d desperately wanted a child, had to subject myself to multiple rounds of unsuccessful IVF, and then out of the blue was told I had a child but someone else had given birth to him and depending on how things went with a court, I might never get to have him, I might have some grief and fear and anger about everything I’d missed out on (and might continue to miss out on if things didn’t go my way). Maybe give just a little credit that when someone has gone through something that shocking and traumatizing, their emotions might be going all over the place and their reaction might not be what you, as a detached, unemotional observer, think is best.

And then layer on top of that you are (rightfully) suing the clinic and need to make the case that you were impacted by the mixup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

Yeah I found it a bit off to focus solely on that.

She was coached by her attorney to set up the claim for damages. It's not legally relevant if the babies are or will have damages, so the focus will be on her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get how she can be forced to give up kids she gave birth to. That makes no sense. Only in NY. They were her kids. The mix up was not her fault.

If she had raised the children to toddlerhood I see your point. But the fact that she carried the babies and had them for maybe 2-3 weeks is devastating, tragic, terrible...but does not mean she should be given custody. She is not their mother, sadly.

I hope she and her husband were given so much money that they can go adopt 600 babies if they so choose.

She gave birth, she is their mother. We adopted, its very very difficult to adopt beyond the cost. She carried those kids in her body. They are hers in less she chooses not to parent.

It's very different. Those babies had parents who wanted them and did not give them up for adoption. The clinic made an error and had to make it right. You seem not quite right.

Exactly. They never gave permission to give up their embryo. For those saying it’s like sperm donation and the mother who birthed the child should keep it, the sperm donation was not voluntary. Hence they shouldn’t be able to keep the child.