Reply to IVF Mixup Case

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s horrible from all sides. But I had a pretty negative reaction to the lady who was about herself (my immediate reaction was wasn’t able to bond, feed with her body, blah blah blah). Yes, I get it’s a shock, but you’d hope your first thoughts would be about your baby and not your missed opportunity. Hopefully her journey will develop to an understanding that a child’s mother doesn’t have to be the one to birth them to be a good mother.

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I’ve never been through fertility treatments, but I imagine if I’d desperately wanted a child, had to subject myself to multiple rounds of unsuccessful IVF, and then out of the blue was told I had a child but someone else had given birth to him and depending on how things went with a court, I might never get to have him, I might have some grief and fear and anger about everything I’d missed out on (and might continue to miss out on if things didn’t go my way).  Maybe give just a little credit that when someone has gone through something that shocking and traumatizing, their emotions might be going all over the place and their reaction might not be what you, as a detached, unemotional observer, think is best.[/quote]

Or, imagine going through IVF and many years of trying, to give birth, to find out they are not your "biological" kids and forced to give them up after carrying them for 9 months.[/quote]

Which has what relevance to my post?  I said nothing critical of the other parents, I did not minimize their grief, I’m merely suggesting that perhaps we shouldn’t judge the emotional reactions of people going through something deeply traumatic that the vast majority of simply have no reference point for.  I don’t know why you are so determined to dismiss their emotions that you’d try to deflect the discussion like that.  What’s your investment here?[/quote]

We had something tragic happen to us.  You can speculate.  For some of us its reality.  I don't need to judge.  I've been through it.  Why do you assume that people haven't experienced something like that.

This woman carried these kids.  They were her kids in less she didn't want them.  She should have had the right to keep them.  [/quote]

I've been through IVF/ infertility hell, many many losses and years of trying. And if I gave birth to a child whom we immediately discovered was the result of embryo mix-up, as painful as it would be I would not feel right keeping someone else's child. Because I know how strong the longing for a child is and I would have empathy for the mother who lost her embryo to me, even as I grieved for myself.[/quote]

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