What makes teens so annoying to parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is on the verge of being a teen:

Honestly, you just start losing your grip on them. For instance, I am trying to keep a routine this summer that doesn't include constant video games, screen, etc. It's been one confrontation after another.

Communication:

Me: How was school?
DS: Fine.
Me: What did you enjoy the most at school today?
DS: Stop interrogating me.

Me (calmly): turn off the tv and find something else to do.
DS: In a minute.
Me (a minute later, calmly): turn off the tv and find something else to do.
DS ignoring me
Me (calmly): You've been watching tv for three solid hours. Turn it off and find something else to do.
DS: In a minute
Me: (a few minutes later, raising my voice): find something else to do or something will be found.
DS: Why are you yelling? I was doing what you wanted. You don't have to be so crazy.

In the first case, you just asked open-ended generic questions. You could try to find out what they are learning about, especially in the child's favorite subject. You didn't put in much effort. Why should the child?

In the second case you did some repetitive nagging. You told the child to do "something else" but you didn't provide any ideas.
Instead you just did repetitive nagging. You didn't put in much effort. Why should the child?

No surprises here.

I understand that all teens are different, so there is no one answer, but I really don't understand your comment. Why should the parents have provided options for the kids as entertainment? Parents of youngers kids do this all the time, and kids figure it out just fine. You really think a 13 or 14 year old can't come up with other ways to entertain themselves with something other than a screen?

When my children were 13-14, I was still successfully encouraging activities outside the realm of entertainment, such as learning a foreign language, investigating a complex piece of music, looking at a mathematical puzzle, writing a song, etc. It is intesting that you equate "something to do" with "entertainment", while "something to do" can involve development of intellect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God makes teenagers and old people mean because otherwise we'd never be able to let them go.

x100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PPs have nailed it so just want to add: When they rebel, it makes you think you did not do a good job of translating your values. It's hard to listen to them dismiss things you've tried to instill in them.

And something else: the culture is against you. The culture is trying to cultivate a consumer. So to get that consumer, they encourage short term decisions vs. long term investment. The culture is "you'll be happy if you engage in sex, drugs, shopping, basically you'll be happy by INDULGING, and you will be all alone and scorned if you don't go with the herd." It's designed with their developmental stage in mind. It's rough.

And basically you lose a lot of control. You can't just sign them up for a tennis class and expect them to go. You can't physically restrain them...you can't do really anything but hope that they will make good choices when they are doing things without your supervision.

And you have to come to terms with that the kid you have is not the kid you envisioned. Example: The athlete's son hates sports, or is uncoordinated, or likes acting instead. My friend, who is a doctor, had to wrap her head around the fact that her kid sucks at math, which is my friend's strong point. I love to hike and I've got one teen that will spend zero time outdoors, and I live in a state with beautiful weather. You want to give your kid your values, and you assume your kid will inherit your talents, and then you have to recognize them as someone unique from your dreams and wishes. It's a weaning process, and weaning takes years and involves both sides.

Amazing post

Yes - I needed to read that.

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ the best part about this post is that it focuses on things besides the crap the kids do.

Sure, teens really are annoying because they behave in annoying ways, but we parents are contributors to the dynamic. Sometimes we throw oil on the flames. Sometimes we are just struggling with our own crap about the emerging adults.

+1 we throw oil on the flames.

and we tend to be a bit behind the eightball -- forever parenting the slightly less mature kid of a few months ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is on the verge of being a teen:

Honestly, you just start losing your grip on them. For instance, I am trying to keep a routine this summer that doesn't include constant video games, screen, etc. It's been one confrontation after another.

Communication:

Me: How was school?
DS: Fine.
Me: What did you enjoy the most at school today?
DS: Stop interrogating me.

Me (calmly): turn off the tv and find something else to do.
DS: In a minute.
Me (a minute later, calmly): turn off the tv and find something else to do.
DS ignoring me
Me (calmly): You've been watching tv for three solid hours. Turn it off and find something else to do.
DS: In a minute
Me: (a few minutes later, raising my voice): find something else to do or something will be found.
DS: Why are you yelling? I was doing what you wanted. You don't have to be so crazy.

In the first case, you just asked open-ended generic questions. You could try to find out what they are learning about, especially in the child's favorite subject. You didn't put in much effort. Why should the child?

In the second case you did some repetitive nagging. You told the child to do "something else" but you didn't provide any ideas.
Instead you just did repetitive nagging. You didn't put in much effort. Why should the child?

No surprises here.

I understand that all teens are different, so there is no one answer, but I really don't understand your comment. Why should the parents have provided options for the kids as entertainment? Parents of youngers kids do this all the time, and kids figure it out just fine. You really think a 13 or 14 year old can't come up with other ways to entertain themselves with something other than a screen?

When my children were 13-14, I was still successfully encouraging activities outside the realm of entertainment, such as learning a foreign language, investigating a complex piece of music, looking at a mathematical puzzle, writing a song, etc. It is intesting that you equate "something to do" with "entertainment", while "something to do" can involve development of intellect.

I'm the pp who posted the conversation. Yes, I admit, I could be more specific and engaging at times, but in my defense, I certainly have made alternative suggestions and asked specific questions. The post about solving mathematical puzzles, writing a song, or investigating complex music is pretentious and annoying. I seem to get a lot of pushback when I tell my kid that he should learn a foreign language instead of watching youtube, but he's probably not as smart your kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m a high school teacher. I love your kids. I LOVE them... but I also know I get the “best” version of them. I so appreciate how hard you’re working at home and for so little return right now. This is a tough stage for parents, I try to remind the kids of that too.

Just know... the work you’ve put in (ARE putting in) shows. They are funny and charming and very ingenious, sometimes sweet. They are good kids, will be good adults. I know you’re dealing with major frustrations at home, worry, and not getting those hugs and cuddles and verbal affirmations you used to get from them. Thanks for all you do and for letting me share your kids.