Husbands and parenting...why is this so hard??

[Anonymous]

I think his feelings are normal. Hopefully it will get better as the kids age.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read the whole thread but wanted to provide a possible solution. Is DH more engaged in a different environment?

I have always found playing with my kids at home extremely tiresome. I tend to revert to ignoring them or doing chores. However, I’m a great mom when we are out and about—checking out playgrounds, museums, shows, restaurants, etc. I’m able to be stimulated by my external surroundings while still engaging with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many had poor role models in their fathers.
Just dad who went to work and was home later to “goof around” whilst Mom did everything for everyone plus worked full time or not.
Entitlement and misogyny are alive and well.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many had poor role models in their fathers.
Just dad who went to work and was home later to “goof around” whilst Mom did everything for everyone plus worked full time or not.
Entitlement and misogyny are alive and well.

+1

and guess what it worked

today men have no idea what expectations are
women are more frustrated than ever
and kids are absolute terrors

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many had poor role models in their fathers.
Just dad who went to work and was home later to “goof around” whilst Mom did everything for everyone plus worked full time or not.
Entitlement and misogyny are alive and well.

+1

And misandry

[Anonymous]

My practical advice for the OP: First--Try to hear and see your husband, independent of your kids a bit--i.e., go out for a bourbon flight, or a fun dinner or whatever. It sounds like he is feeling a bit adrift. Second--see if you can find ways to delegate the domestic workload. E.g., more babysitting, grocery delivery, cleaners, a mother's (ahem, parent's!) helper, so that there is less time when you are with the kids but you both need to get life done and then the kids demand to be held or scream or whatever...in other words, try to mitigate battle fatigue. Third--Help build opportunities for him to gain experience. It may be that you are taking the lead with the kids a lot, so he is left standing aside, uncomfortable and unsure what to do. No one likes to feel like they are always doing it wrong, or like a substitute inferior mom. So, plan one on one time with each of you taking one kid. Or plan discrete times when you will be away and he will take the lead. Another example, he's got bath time. Ideally you'd give him everything involving the bathroom too lol! Or playtime after dinner. Some discrete Daddy time. Finally--don't walk on egg shells, and be clear about your expectations! It's not your job to make sure he has fun at the playground. It is okay to tell him to put away the phone at dinnertime. If he's walking around with a bad attitude, you can tell him to lock it up.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many had poor role models in their fathers.
Just dad who went to work and was home later to “goof around” whilst Mom did everything for everyone plus worked full time or not.
Entitlement and misogyny are alive and well.

+1

and guess what it worked

today men have no idea what expectations are
women are more frustrated than ever
and kids are absolute terrors

Hey! I'm female and would love to just goof around with my kids all day while other people cook and clean for me. Where's my wife?