Unhealthy relationship with dog...... say something?

[Anonymous]

I do think it’s partially, “hey, I have responsibilities, too” thing that someone mentioned. I had kids later than almost all my friends and family, and I swear they used to treat me as if I didn’t have anything important to do because nothing could be as important as caring for young. Didn’t matter that I still had plenty of responsibilities. If you say something to your sister about this, she’s going to go ballistic. It’ll basically be continuing to delegitimize her life in her eyes, even if you don’t intend it to mean that.

[Anonymous]

I left my newish dog with a neighbor on July 4 and the neighbor's dog attacked mine after getting jittery from fireworks. I ended up having to leave the party I was at and take my dog to the vet where he needed surgery.

The one time I boarded my dog overnight (he went to doggy daycare) he got sick and ended up dying so, while I am not as crazy as your sister, I get at least some of her concerns. It is a living creature that you are responsible for and, for me, it was the first time I had been solely responsible for anything or anyone other than myself.

Hopefully she will calm down but you can also tell her she seems nuts. I would have heard it if someone had said that to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. It doesn't seem unhealthy.
2. You are judging her.
3. Don't say anything unless you want an argument.

+1

I don't get the "my dog is my kid" thing - because until and unless you have children, there is absolutely no comparison, either way. If you want to go on vacation, all you have to do is put a dog in a cage when and if you please. Not so children, obviously. So yah, no comparison and y'all sound nuts.

You sound like a hick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think it’s partially, “hey, I have responsibilities, too” thing that someone mentioned. I had kids later than almost all my friends and family, and I swear they used to treat me as if I didn’t have anything important to do because nothing could be as important as caring for young. Didn’t matter that I still had plenty of responsibilities. If you say something to your sister about this, she’s going to go ballistic. It’ll basically be continuing to delegitimize her life in her eyes, even if you don’t intend it to mean that.

[Anonymous]

My step-FIL was exactly like your sister. I love dogs but I could not understand his comparison of his dog with my own child. Now I am older and I can see that for him (he never had biological kids) the dog was his ‘child’, his reason of life and a remedy against loneliness. I wish he would have focused his attention also on humans around him but he was looking for total unconditional love and perhaps absolute adoration. He estranged me few years ago but I saw how heartbroken he was when the dog passed away. Now he is living even more isolated (he estranged other relatives too) but when I think about it I feel only sadness. I wish he could open his heart also to the more challenging love that human relationships could offer.

[Anonymous]

OP again, thanks for the replies.
I wanted to clarify a couple of points.
1. The painting of my mom's kitchen was my sister's idea (we'll call her Larla). After my dad died we encouraged mom to update the house a bit. In doing so, mom had her cabinets refinished about 5 months ago. She was going to have the same guys paint but Larla said not to. That she would help paint and save some money. So the fact that she keeps bailing on mom because of the dog (that she already had when she promised to help) is a bit frustrating.
2. 4th of July. I totally get not wanting to take your dog to the party during the fireworks or leaving it alone at home. Larla lives 15 minutes from our other sister Darla so in theory, Larla could bring the dog to the party and then go home when fireworks start at 10.
3. These are not isolated incidents, only the most recent. For the past year she has called Darla and i to pick up things from Target or Whole Foods because she doesn't want to leave the dog alone on the weekends her husband works. She has given up many of the hobbies she used to enjoy (and still says she does enjoy) like golf, painting and yoga because her husband works odd shifts and sometimes is out of town and she refuses to ever leave the dog alone, leave it in the car (this was in the winter) while she shops or kennel it at home.

The dog is a GREAT dog. It does not chew things, is house broken and is great with other dogs/people. This is not a high needs rescue. They bought it from a breeder and it has a wonderful temperament.

Darla and i are worried because this is a big change from how Larla used to be. Instead of going out and doing things like she used to like, she is now almost a shut in with this dog. She calls us 'bored' and frustrated she can never leave the house when Larlo her husband is gone.
I get loving your pets, we have 2 dogs and i love them dearly. We do have to modify events or things we do but it seems extreme to never ever leave the dog alone either in a house, or kennel.
It is hard to describe, but it is like the dog is giving her anxiety. She constantly follows the dog around and not in a 'just checking out the new environment' sort of way. It is disrupting her life and on some level i know she knows it, but i have been hesitant to push because i know she loves the dog. I just fear her love for the dog is causing her to lose other things she loves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My step-FIL was exactly like your sister. I love dogs but I could not understand his comparison of his dog with my own child. Now I am older and I can see that for him (he never had biological kids) the dog was his ‘child’, his reason of life and a remedy against loneliness. I wish he would have focused his attention also on humans around him but he was looking for total unconditional love and perhaps absolute adoration. He estranged me few years ago but I saw how heartbroken he was when the dog passed away. Now he is living even more isolated (he estranged other relatives too) but when I think about it I feel only sadness. I wish he could open his heart also to the more challenging love that human relationships could offer.

this merely confirms that level of attachment to a dog is a sign of deeper problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, thanks for the replies.
I wanted to clarify a couple of points.
1. The painting of my mom's kitchen was my sister's idea (we'll call her Larla). After my dad died we encouraged mom to update the house a bit. In doing so, mom had her cabinets refinished about 5 months ago. She was going to have the same guys paint but Larla said not to. That she would help paint and save some money. So the fact that she keeps bailing on mom because of the dog (that she already had when she promised to help) is a bit frustrating.
2. 4th of July. I totally get not wanting to take your dog to the party during the fireworks or leaving it alone at home. Larla lives 15 minutes from our other sister Darla so in theory, Larla could bring the dog to the party and then go home when fireworks start at 10.
3. These are not isolated incidents, only the most recent. For the past year she has called Darla and i to pick up things from Target or Whole Foods because she doesn't want to leave the dog alone on the weekends her husband works. She has given up many of the hobbies she used to enjoy (and still says she does enjoy) like golf, painting and yoga because her husband works odd shifts and sometimes is out of town and she refuses to ever leave the dog alone, leave it in the car (this was in the winter) while she shops or kennel it at home.

The dog is a GREAT dog. It does not chew things, is house broken and is great with other dogs/people. This is not a high needs rescue. They bought it from a breeder and it has a wonderful temperament.

Darla and i are worried because this is a big change from how Larla used to be. Instead of going out and doing things like she used to like, she is now almost a shut in with this dog. She calls us 'bored' and frustrated she can never leave the house when Larlo her husband is gone.
I get loving your pets, we have 2 dogs and i love them dearly. We do have to modify events or things we do but it seems extreme to never ever leave the dog alone either in a house, or kennel.
It is hard to describe, but it is like the dog is giving her anxiety. She constantly follows the dog around and not in a 'just checking out the new environment' sort of way. It is disrupting her life and on some level i know she knows it, but i have been hesitant to push because i know she loves the dog. I just fear her love for the dog is causing her to lose other things she loves.

I'd try to say something to here--but not as a chide about missing family things--more in a "you seem really anxious about the dog" way, and "I'm worried about you, maybe you should talk to someone about that". Also, stop getting things from the store for her, that's just enabling this.

[Anonymous]

What can you say without making her feel bad? Leave her alone and let her enjoy being a dog mom.

[Anonymous]

Dogs are more work then children. Sounds completely normal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dogs are more work then children. Sounds completely normal

Please give me a break!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister and her husband have been married for 4 years. No kids (a bit by choice, a bit by not really ' trying' that hard according to her).
Her DH has wanted a dog forever. She finally caved and they got one.
Well, now she is over the top obsessed with this dog. Everything in her life revolves around this dog.
They have had it for just under a year so this isn't exactly a puppy.
She is changing summer plans, refusing to go to family things etc. all because she has to be with this dog. She is the crazy one but her DH goes along with it and doesn't really say much about it.
Some examples:
She and her DH are not coming to our other sister's 4th of July party (has been every year for 8 years) because She doesn't want to leave the dog at home and doesn't want it near kids or fireworks.
She bailed on helping my mom paint her kitchen as she promised because her husband was out of town with his brother and she didn't want to leave the dog along or bring it over
This weekend while we were out to lunch for 2 hours, she called and checked on the dog (with her neighbor) 3 times.

These are just a few examples.
It is starting to affect her mental health. She is always worried about the dog getting sick, getting into something etc. She follows the dog around constantly in new environments to ensure it won't eat something or do something. Again, this is a year old dog at this point and she is acting like it is a newborn.
They refuse to leave it alone ever so they split where it is at while they work between their neighbor's house and doggy daycare.

Do i say something, anything? I thought this would phase out as the dog aged and the newness wore off but it is getting more intense.

This is not a mental health issue (and you're a jackass for saying so). It's a "she has different priorities than you" issue.

You don't understand it. You don't have to.
You don't approve. You don't have to.
You don't like it. Again. You.Don't.Have.To.

MYOFB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, thanks for the replies.
I wanted to clarify a couple of points.
1. The painting of my mom's kitchen was my sister's idea (we'll call her Larla). After my dad died we encouraged mom to update the house a bit. In doing so, mom had her cabinets refinished about 5 months ago. She was going to have the same guys paint but Larla said not to. That she would help paint and save some money. So the fact that she keeps bailing on mom because of the dog (that she already had when she promised to help) is a bit frustrating.
2. 4th of July. I totally get not wanting to take your dog to the party during the fireworks or leaving it alone at home. Larla lives 15 minutes from our other sister Darla so in theory, Larla could bring the dog to the party and then go home when fireworks start at 10.
3. These are not isolated incidents, only the most recent. For the past year she has called Darla and i to pick up things from Target or Whole Foods because she doesn't want to leave the dog alone on the weekends her husband works. She has given up many of the hobbies she used to enjoy (and still says she does enjoy) like golf, painting and yoga because her husband works odd shifts and sometimes is out of town and she refuses to ever leave the dog alone, leave it in the car (this was in the winter) while she shops or kennel it at home.

The dog is a GREAT dog. It does not chew things, is house broken and is great with other dogs/people. This is not a high needs rescue. They bought it from a breeder and it has a wonderful temperament.

Darla and i are worried because this is a big change from how Larla used to be. Instead of going out and doing things like she used to like, she is now almost a shut in with this dog. She calls us 'bored' and frustrated she can never leave the house when Larlo her husband is gone.
I get loving your pets, we have 2 dogs and i love them dearly. We do have to modify events or things we do but it seems extreme to never ever leave the dog alone either in a house, or kennel.
It is hard to describe, but it is like the dog is giving her anxiety. She constantly follows the dog around and not in a 'just checking out the new environment' sort of way. It is disrupting her life and on some level i know she knows it, but i have been hesitant to push because i know she loves the dog. I just fear her love for the dog is causing her to lose other things she loves.

You're being unreasonable. Fourth of July is the day that the most dogs go missing due to the festivities of BBQs, too much stimulation, and fireworks. The dog does NOT belong at a barbecue. Many dogs would be stressed by this. Even really nice and socialized dogs. This is not a demand you should be making. She doesn't want to go. It's the fourth of July, not Christmas.

And those of you implying that the woman is mentally ill for babying her dog are just assholes. That is not a mental illness.

And OP, did you ever think that she prefers the dog to your company? Given how judgy you are, I would bank on that.

[Anonymous]

The trolls on this thread are amusing, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who thinks its normal to beg family to get groceries for you becuase you can't leave your dog really need a reality check.

What the sister is doing is NOT healthy or normal. Missing a few family things? Sure. Bailing to have some alone time at home with the dog. Great.
But, to refuse to ever leave it alone. Following it around all of the time and refusing to go to Target for 30 minutes because of over a year old dog whose temperament is great and is house broken? Totally not normal.

OP, i doubt this is a mental health issue, but i read it as more you are concerned she is not trully happy and the dog is causing her anxiety/mental health stress.
I wouldn't bring it up directly, but if she calls asking you to go to Whole Foods for her, I certainly wouldn't do it.

What does her DH think of this?